


In Disgrace with Fortune

by Nikkusama



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Alternative Perspective, F/M, On Hiatus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 01:31:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 68,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12048528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikkusama/pseuds/Nikkusama
Summary: Spring 2011 marked the beginning of a tragic mystery which engulfed the small town of Inaba. Personal demons were confronted, friendships were forged; the fate of the world rested on the shoulders of a group of teenagers. Persona 4 told the story from the Wild Card's perspective; this is the Emperor's story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The original (PS2) version of Persona 4 has been used as the primary source for this story. The rest of the media (Persona 4: Golden, Persona 4: Animated, and most of the other extraneous content) may be used for reference. I hope you enjoy the story :) 
> 
> Just as a quick note: This work is unfinished. It was largely written between 2015 and 2016, and has been on hiatus ever since. One day I will get around to finishing it, but, eh...

12th May 2011

Kanji’s fist connected with the asshole’s smug, sneering face, splitting his lips as his knuckles struck the other guy’s teeth. He went down like a sack of shit. The jeering crowd suddenly went quiet. 

“You wanna piece of me?” Kanji turned to face the rest of the biker gang, his chest heaving, his hand bloody and sweat beading on his forehead. They looked a lot less confident now that their leader was on the floor bleeding profusely, likely missing a few teeth, holding his hand to his mouth and whimpering. A few of them revved their engines, bikes snarling, but were unsure of what to do. They hadn’t anticipated him to fight them; this was Inaba, not Tokyo, hardly a place where they expected much resistance.  

Kanji was illuminated by the six headlamps from the rough semi-circle they had formed around him. After a moment's hesitation, two of them walked towards him; they were silhouetted as they advanced, casting long shadows into the night. They were near the rice paddies just behind the residential area of Inaba; Kanji could basically see his house from here.    

“You little shit. Who the fuck do you think you are?” one of the bikers demanded, his voice gruff and low. He was in his mid-twenties, dressed in biker leathers, all studs and chains. His jacket was slung over his shoulders, the gang’s symbol and name embroidered on the back. He flicked a knife out of his pocket and held it in front of him, pointing with the blade. Kanji drew himself up to his full height.

“I’m Kanji Tatsumi, and don’t you punks forget it!” Most of them were local; he was surprised they hadn’t heard of him. 

“Yeah? Well, you’re fucking dead!” The knife wielder lunged forwards, slashing wildly in huge arcs, his face contorted into a grimace. Kanji dodged backwards, leaning out of the way to avoid the initial slash, his jacket billowing behind him, before striking the back of the guys head with his elbow in a counter attack.The bastard let out a cry of surprise and dropped the knife; a careful kick to the handle sent it skidding into the shadows. Kanji used his momentum to swing round and land a right hook on the other guy, who had thought he would try to sneak around the side. Kanji landed a well-placed kick into his side as he fell, knocking the air from his lungs.  

The remaining three bikers came to the aid of their friends, approaching in a slow, aggressive swagger, before rushing in a mass of fists and boots; punching, grabbing, kicking wildly in the pitch black night and bright beams of headlights.

Kanji dodged what he could, using his height and long limbs to his advantage. He rolled with the punches. For every hit he took, hit twice as hard. Their numbers put them at a disadvantage; they couldn’t hit him as well as he could hit them for fear of striking their own.  _ These shitheads don’t know how to fight. Don’t know how to fight dirty.  _ Kanji grabbed one of them by the scruff of his neck, pulling the collar of his biker jacket tight. The guy’s eyes bulged as he choked. Kanji threw him forward into his friends. He kicked one of the fallen; punched another hard in the stomach.  

The fight hadn’t lasted long but he had got good and bloody; he’d taken at least one punch to the cheek, a few blows to the stomach and his nose was bleeding. It was five against one, after all. The injuries he sustained were relatively minor compared to the mess of the rest of the guys. Missing teeth, black eyes, a broken arm from where someone stood heavily on an awkwardly bent limb of some unfortunate punk who had been knocked to the ground. 

“Mess with me, and this is what you get!” His triumph was short lived. Red and blue lights flashed over the crest of the road, and sirens blared. 

_ Ah, shit. The cops.  _

The lights spurred the bikers into action. There was a hasty scuffle and the gang retreated; those not too injured going in for a last swing or kick if they could. They mounted their bikes, revving the engines obnoxiously before tearing into the night, threatening, cursing, and speeding away along the deserted roads of rural Inaba. Kanji watched them go, a joyless grin on his face. 

“Yeah you had better run! And don’t come back!” _ How long have I been beatin’ the shit out of biker gangs now? Fuck, it’s gotta be at least two years. You think the bastards would learn.  _

The sirens were getting louder, the red and blue lights quickly approaching. Kanji wiped the blood from under his nose and tenderly felt the puffy skin under his eye. It hurt like a bitch. He was going to have a black eye in the morning. A car pulled up in the gravel behind him, the siren cutting out mid wail but the lights continuing to light up the area. 

“Kanji Tatsumi!” He turned to face the two cops getting out of the car; Mr Kida and Mr Satou by the looks of it. He knew both of them in passing; shit, he probably knew every cop in town he had spent so much time in and out of the local station. They looked pissed.  _ Well, I ain’t scared of ‘em!  _

“Yeah? Whadda ya want?” he balled his hands into fists. He was sick of this shit; he’d fight  _ them  _ if he had to. The fight had got his blood pumping, adrenaline coursing through his veins.    

“We should have known  _ you’d  _ have been behind the disturbance,” the younger cop, Satou, sneered, baton in hand and cuffs at the ready. He looked like he had been dragged out of bed and was not happy about it.  

“No shit. I’m just doin your freakin’ jobs.”  _ Come here and say that. I’ll beat the shit outta ya!  _

Satou opened his mouth to snap something back, his face like thunder, but the other cop, Mr Kida, held up his hand to silence his partner. He didn’t look angry, just tired and annoyed. 

“Kanji-san, come with us please.” He gestured towards the police car. 

“The hell I am! I didn’t do nothin’ wrong!”  _ This always freakin’ happened!  _

“Get in the car Tastumi! Or we’ll make you.” Kanji looked from cop to cop and thought about his options, one…  _ many  _ of which included hitting that arrogant prick, Satou. 

“Kanji-san, please. Your mother will collect you from the station.” Mr Kida rubbed his temples. 

_ Oh fuck it all, they were gonna include his Ma in all this. She didn’t need this crap.  _

He sighed and walked towards them, muttering curses under his breath.

* * *

 

An hour later Kanji was sat in Interview Room 2, slumped forward in an uncomfortable chair, not making eye contact with anyone and not paying attention.

He’d been here before. It was the same every time. It usually consisted of getting his ear chewed off by various cops (assholes like Satou always having a lot to say); threats of a criminal record, antisocial orders, grievous bodily harm verdicts- this time was no different. It was nothin’ he hadn’t heard before, except the words “final warning” were used this time. 

He stared at the end of the table. No point looking anywhere else. He especially didn’t want to give Satou an excuse to start all over again with his threats.   

They just don’t get it.  

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t  _ tried  _ before. He had been, what, thirteen? a kid anyways, the first time he had fought with bikers. They had been teenagers that time, seniors in high school pretending to be tough and angling for a fight. He had spent a lot longer trying to reason with the police after he had been hauled in for given them a beating they wouldn’t forget. He remembered fighting back tears through a black eye and split lip, explaining that he was just trying to make them be quiet because the sound was upsetting his Ma, keepin’ her awake at night. He was just protecting her. That’s what guys do, right? That’s what the boys said at school; they fight and protect people and don’t do any gay shit like sewing and-

_ They don’t freakin’ listen.  _

“You are far too violent! If you keep this up you will end up in prison- are you even listening to me, Tatsumi?”  

He grunted.  _ No, not at all. Shut up.   _

Satou sighed. “Goddam it, look, kid - this is your future on the line here. Don’t you care?”

He grunted again. Of course he cared. Just- it was something he  _ had  _ to do.  

The door opened and his mother was ushered in. Despite the late hour she was dressed in a kimono, her iron-grey hair pulled tight into a neat bun. Despite being flanked by scowling cops, she looked relieved, rather than angry, to see him.  _ Ah, shit. He’d worried her again.  _

“Oh Kanji-kun, I was ever so worried-”She walked briskly towards him and laid a hand on his hunched shoulder. He shook her off, standing up quickly, drawing up to his full height. 

“Let’s just go” He was sick of this place. Satou looked ready to argue that he couldn’t go yet,  _ because he is a prick like that _ , but eventually just nodded. He probably wanted to go back home to bed.     

“Kanji-” _ Shut up, Ma, not now.  _

“I said let’s go!” 

 

* * *

 

13th May 2011

Kanji hadn’t expected the media to be interested in the bikers yet they were swarming over the story like parasites. It wasn’t as though Inaba hadn’t seen their type before; he was testament enough to that, what with the number of punks he had beaten up since his early teens. The town was visited by the various biker gangs mainly  _ because _ it was such a small place. Easy to start up without much resistance- or influence- from local Yakuza, before moving onto bigger places like Okina City, or for the really brave and stupid, Tokyo. 

The local tv crews were out in force in the shopping district, interviewing anyone they could, pestering them with questions about what they had seen, who they knew who was in a gang, how the gangs had impacted them and their businesses, harassing any customer who passed. _ Must be a real slow freakin’ news day. If they talk to Ma I’m gonna beat the shit out of them.  _

He was ambushed by a camera early afternoon crew whilst he was out, minding his own business, and doggedly avoiding going to school. Who cares if he had got into high school? It sure a hell didn't matter to him. He’d only showed up for that first day because his Ma had asked him too. And he wanted to wear the uniform. It had been a waste of time, and he hadn’t been back since.  

“Hey! You’re the kid who’s leader of the biker gang!” The local tv crew swarmed around him, sticking a camera and a boom mic in his face. 

“Why are you trying to take over Inaba?”

“Is it true you quit school to be in the gang?” The lead reporter was particularly irritating, with one of those faces Kanji just wanted to punch. The photographer too - that camera flash was giving him a headache. 

“The hell are you punks doing here? This ain’t a show! Get bent!” He was going to hit someone if they didn’t leave him alone, starting with that prick with the mic. He shoved the nearest guy out of the way and stalked off down the street. It didn’t deter them. A few of the braver guys followed a little way behind. 

“Is it true you threatened the families of the bikers who challenged you?”

“Why did you break that guy’s arm? Was it because he wanted to take over leadership?” 

Kanji growled and spun around to face them, ready to strike  _ someone.  _ They took the hint, stopping suddenly when they saw the look on his face. They swiftly moved onto their next target; an unsuspecting housewife returning home with her groceries. Kanji sneered when he saw her face light up at the attention and launch into a long explanation of how  _ scared  _ she was, how Inaba was no longer safe. He noticed she was pointedly looking at him the entire time.  

They got it all wrong. The TV crew, people like that woman -  _ he _ wasn’t a biker;  _ he  _ was the one stopping them. Even the cops got that bit right even though they didn’t do a fucking thing to help. This was exactly why Kanji hated TV; everything was so damn false. Nothin’ but trashy shows takin’ the piss outta everything, or news reports about affairs and stupid shit no one cared about until it was on TV. 

They had better not air any of that. They’d be hell to pay. 


	2. Chapter 2

16th May 2011

It was probably late enough for him to go home. School would have ended by now, had he gone in the first place, and he would be expected back at the shop. He needed to get into Ma’s good books. The bastards had aired that  _ stupid  _ TV special about bikers and shit, and they had used him as an example, outright stating he was a biker, that he had attacked the TV crew. Sure, they blurred out his eyes and didn’t state his name because they  _ had  _ to, but  _ anyone  _ with half a freakin’ brain could see that it was him. 

Ma had gone to the police station to apologise for him. She had also been round all the neighbours to apologise to them too. It was  _ bullshit _ . She shouldn't have had to do that. He didn't do anything wrong, damn it! He was trying to stop those punks from driving in here, making noise late at night. 

He sighed.   _ Ma could probably use some help with the storeroom; we are due a delivery soon. When we do I… maybe I could start a new project? It’s been awhile since I made something. I could make something cute for Ma.   _

Kanji headed up towards his shop from the south; the streets were still slightly wet from the rain of the past few days, but the afternoon was sunny and warm. A few shop owners were outside, sweeping away any remaining puddles of water, making it evaporate quicker in the mid-afternoon sun. Ma had probably done the same already. It promised to be a hot summer. He was gonna have to start wearing cooler clothes. 

The shopping district had a few people around; teenage girls buying candy from the Shiroku store, little kids looking through the window of the bookshop, a couple of older people doing some shopping. But, it was much quieter than it had been last year, before they built that Junes store. He got a few looks as he walked past people, a few of them cold, a few of them fearful. Junes...Kanji didn’t see what the appeal was; everything they sold was mass produced and just so...  _ bland _ . Admittedly, he had only been to Junes once, largely because management had given him hassle for just looking and he had lost his temper and sworn that he didn’t need their piece of shit store. It was so goddamn annoying.   

A boy was waiting outside the shop, a slender young man, around his age. Not that that was too weird or anything; this  _ was  _ the shopping district and high schoolers did hang around here sometimes after getting some beef croquettes from Souzai Daigaku, but there just was very little reason for him to be  _ right outside _ his Ma’s shop. Tatsumi Textiles didn’t cater to teenagers. 

Kanji tried to ignore him as he approached the shop but something about the young man drew his eye. The way he was dressed? The style and cut of his jacket was hardly modern, and didn’t look like anything Junes sold. Bespoke, maybe? The young man turned his head towards Kanji as he approached, and seemed to smile at the sight of him. 

_ Did he just… what the…? _

“Kanji Tatsumi?”  _ He’s talkin’ to me?  _

“Uh… yeah?” The boy approached, stopping a few feet away. He was short as well as slender, barely coming up to Kanji’s chin, wearing an old-style cap over his dark hair. He smiled slightly, and held out his hand. 

“Good afternoon. My name is Naoto Shirogane. Do you mind if I speak with you?” He sounded younger than he looked, despite the articulated way he spoke. It was as though his voice hadn’t broken yet and he was trying to lower it regardless. Kanji took his hand and shook it quickly,  _ his hands are so soft  _ trying to hide how suddenly, inexplicably, nervous he felt. 

“Uh… sure. Um… what about?”  _ If this is about those biker gangs…  _

The boy smiled again, tilting his head down before looking up at Kanji from under his cap. 

“There have been a few instances occurring in Inaba recently that I am currently investigating. I am particularly interested in you, Kanji-san.” 

_ W..what? Interested?  _

“I would like to speak somewhere a little more private but I do not have time to spare at the present moment. Would you be able to meet with me tomorrow?”  _ Meet with him… like… a date? No, that’s freakin’ stupid.  _

“T-Tomorrow's fine with me…” He couldn’t stop staring at him; the young man, Naoto, didn’t seem to notice or if he did he tactfully ignored it.  _ I’d better not be blushing.  _

“You attend Yasogami High School, correct? Am I also correct in the assumption that you will be going tomorrow?” 

“Huh? S-School? 'Course I'm going to school…” He was stuttering like an idiot. What the hell was wrong with him. _ Get it together Kanji!  _

“Then I'll meet you at the gates after school tomorrow.” Naoto gave a small nod in parting before turning and walking away, moving with speed and purpose. Kanji could help but stare after him. He let out the breath he didn’t realise he was holding. He waited until he was out of earshot before speaking to himself under his breath.  

“D-Did he say he was... he was interested…? He's a guy… and I'm a guy… But… he's interested in me…?” There was a sudden noise behind him, which was quickly shushed. He turned to face the source; a few teenagers were watching him. There were trying to look nonchalant. They were failing miserably. Kanji vaguely recognised most of them; they were from his new school, technically his senpai if he ever bothered going. Yukiko he remembered from when he was younger, and her friend Satonaka, and... the manager of Junes’ son, Hanamura?... and some other boy he didn’t know. 

_ Oh shit, what had they seen? What had they heard...?  _ It was their expressions that did it, a mix of curiosity and amusement. He hated being look at like that, like he was some sort of  _ freak _ . 

“Huh? What the hell are you pricks looking at!?” They looked panicked. All four of them, Yukiko included, fled up the street with cries of “nothing” and “we didn’t see anything!” 

Satisfied they were gone Kanji headed into the shop. 

“Oh Kanji-kun!” His Ma greeted him, a worried look on her face.  _ Odd, she don’t usually look that worried unless I’m at the station. _ “There was a boy in here looking for you! I told him that i hadn’t seen you all day, but that you may be back soon.”

“Naoto.”

“Is that his name? Is he a friend of yours? I have never seen him before. I don’t think I know his mother.” 

“No.. uh… not a friend. I have never seen him before either. He jus’ said his name was Naoto.”

“He was asking all sorts of questions.” 

“W...What sort of questions?”

“He wanted to know what you were like, and he thinks… he asked if you were in trouble. Are you in trouble Kanji-kun?”  _ Asking what I’m like… like as a person? What did that mean? What had the old bat told him? Wait, trouble?  _ He shook his head. 

“No! No, I’m not-”

“Because if you are, you must tell me-” 

“I’m not in any trouble, dammit. Look you old cow, it’s fine.  _ I’m  _ fine.” The most trouble he was in was if those bikers came back for another beating, and somehow he doubted it. His Ma didn't look satisfied, but didn’t push it. He never would say it but he was thankful for her; she was probably the only person in all of Inaba who wasn’t afraid of him and his outbursts. Right now she just looked concerned. He sighed.    

“I’m going to my room. Gonna get an early night.” He slipped his shoes off and headed towards his bedroom, closing the door behind him. 

That was  _ weird.  _ Who was that boy, and what sort of trouble could he have been talking about…? 

 

* * *

 

17th May 2011

School sucked. Kanji was bored out of his freakin’ mind. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the clock.

His Ma, previous conversation forgotten if not forgiven, had looked particularly thrilled when he came down in his school uniform that morning, the old bag fussing and wanting to make him breakfast before he set off. He had brushed her off, snapping at her that he wasn’t hungry. He was glad to be out of the house to get away from her. 

When he had approached the school most students had the common sense to keep out of his damn way, but when he put his shoes in the locker he noticed some pricks looking over at him, likely second and third years.  _ Gotta be tough. Gotta show ‘em who’s boss. _ He could take ‘em if they gave him any trouble.   

Class wasn’t much better. The teachers were either trying to tactfully ignore his presence or make a big deal that he had turned up for the… second time... this year. He couldn’t ignore the whispers he heard from the other students in class and in the hallways, people talkin’ shit about him, saying he was a biker, a delinquent, a thug. He briefly glimpsed Yukiko on the first floor corridor at lunch time, and was reminded of yesterday afternoon with Hanamura and Satonaka. Those shitheads had better not say anything about him meeting Naoto. _ Some people were just askin’ to be beat up.  _

He was distracting himself by watching the clock, wanting and dreading 4pm to chime so that he could meet with the mysterious young man. He had knots in his stomach.

Naoto… Naoto said that he was interested in him. Actually said that  _ he  _ found  _ Kanji  _ interesting. Kanji had never heard that before, from anyone. How could  _ anyone  _ find him interesting? Was that… a confession…? No, that would be stupid. He was getting this all wrong, he knew it. He’d been over this- Naoto is a  _ guy…  _ and  _ he’s  _ a guy… 

_ Why the hell am I feelin’ like this? I mean, it is just meetin’ up after school. Loadsa people meet after school. He just wants to ask me something. Ma said he thought I was in trouble. _

_ What the hell does he want to ask me?  _

This was stupid. He shouldn’t have agreed to meet with him. Whatever trouble he was apparently in he could damn well deal with it himself.

4pm took ages to arrive and when it did it was too soon. Kanji made a detour to the bathroom before heading outside, spending a bit of time fixing his hair and checking himself out in the mirror. Fuck he was going to be late. He rushed the the lockers, slipping his shoes on without undoing them first, before heading to the front gates. He was striding quickly, not wanting to give himself the opportunity to back out, and feeling as though he would if he slowed down.

There were a lot of student milling around, small groups of people clustered together waiting for their friends, laughter and conversation making the air buzz with activity. He looked around, making sure no one was watching him. He did  _ not  _ want anyone at school getting the wrong idea. They already thought he was a thug; it would be a million times worse if they thought him to be a total pansy. He saw Hanamura, Satonaka and their friend huddled together, looking suspicious, but he pushed them out of his mind. They hadn’t said anything to him at school; they weren’t important right now. 

Kanji couldn’t see Naoto by the gates and his heart sank; he couldn't quite quell the feeling of both relief and disappointment.  _ Had he changed his mind? No, there is is-  _ Naoto walked briskly, dressed once again in his fitted jacket and cap. He looked smart.  

“I didn’t keep you waiting, I hope?”

“No, I-I just got here too…” his voice was threatening to break. _ Get it together Kanji!  _

“Shall we then?” Naoto gestured and led the way; Kanji hurried to follow at his side. He resisted the urge to look back at school to make sure no one was watching, or worse, sniggering.  _ This ain’t what it looks like…  _

They walked in silence initially, Kanji having no idea how to break the ice and start a conversation, and Naoto didn’t seem particularly inclined to do so. It was awkward, sure, but at least it gave Kanji the chance to calm down a bit and properly look at the mysterious young man. 

Walking next to him it was really drilled home just how short Naoto was. Like, the dude was  _ tiny,  _ but that didn’t make him any less… intimidating. Kanji always thought you had to be big to be scary; Naoto was managing it effortlessly by being cool and mysterious. Kanji felt tense. He couldn’t relax - just being in this boy’s presence made him feel like he was walking on eggshells, that he had to be perfect.  _ Be cool, yeah? Yeah. Just, act natural.  _

It wasn't until they had reached the road by the Samegawa riverbed that Naoto spoke. 

“Kanji-san, pardon my direct questioning, but have you noticed anything suspicious lately?” That… wasn’t the line of interrogation he was expecting. He blinked, unsure as to how to answer. 

“Uh… like the bikers? Because I showed them. They won’t be comin’ round here no more.” 

“No. You and your mother run and live above the textile shop in town; has anyone suspicious come to the shop recently?” The kid knew a lot. Who was he…? Had he been watching them?  Kanji thought back over the past week, his brow furrowed. 

“Uh… no. I don’t think so. Just the usual orders.” 

“Hm, I see.” Naoto bit his lip in thought.  _ Oh hell that’s… hot. He looks so... the FUCK is wrong with me… stop thinking like that…  _

“... should there be? What’s that gotta do with me?”

“I am merely investigating a theory. But I must ask you, that if you do notice anyone suspicious that you inform the police immediately.” Kanji snorted. Like  _ they  _ could help. Naoto stopped; a second later Kanji did too, turning to face him. Naoto looked up at Kanji questioningly, an eyebrow raised, inspecting his face. 

“I mean… yeah. Sure.” he was staring so intently Kanji felt as though Naoto could read his mind. He felt a familiar blush rise on his cheeks. He looked away.  _  His eyes are so… cute. I could stare into them for hours… _

“You are quite an odd person, Kanji Tatsumi. But thank you.”  _ Odd… oh hell, what did he mean by that? he wasn’t odd, he just…  _ Kanji recoiled as if he had been slapped. He straightened his back, stood tall, letting his features settle into a familiar scowl. Naoto looked puzzled at the sudden shift in atmosphere, but didn’t comment. There was an awkward silence.  _ Oh shit, no, I messed up. Why did he have to say … Oh shit, he is looking at me weird. What do I do what do I say what- _

“Hey Naoto… I… I wanna… can we meet up again?” He was speaking before he even thought about it, filling the gap, and instantly wished that he hadn’t said anything. Naoto seemed to think on it for a moment, before nodding, a small smile returning. 

“Yes, I think that would be prudent.”

“Ah… good. Uh...” He wanted to say something more, but he lost his nerve. Something was bothering him. They were being watched. Kanji heard something on the edge of his hearing, sounding suspiciously like someone whispering. Looking for the source of the noise Kanji was surprised to see it was that prick Hanamura, Satonaka with him. They looked guilty as fuck. He strode over to them, scowling, anger and embarrassment flaring in his chest. He had  _ had  _ it with these two. 

“… the hell are you two doing?”   


“Oh, well, you see... We're... We're just two crazy lovebirds!” _ Lying piece of shit.  _ Satonaka didn’t look like she agreed, and lost her guilty look. She instead looked annoyed. 

“Whaddya mean “bird”!?”

“Play along, birdbrain!”

This didn't make sense; this was the third time he had seen these guys recently, and every time they looked suspicious and guilty. Something was seriously up. He was not taking any of their shit.   

“Didn't I see you guys yesterday...?” They looked at each other for answers, Hanamura laughed nervously, stuttering and obviously trying to think of an excuse as to why that would be. 

“C-C'mon, it just so happened that we were walking behind you guys. Pure coincidence! Hey! Our houses are just over that way, so we'll be going now…” Satonaka was nodding quickly in agreement. 

“Um, look, we weren't planning on getting in you guys' way, and there's nothing strange about it, either…”  _ What the hell did she just say?  _

“S-Strange...!?”  _ Oh shit. Did they think...? No. No way. Hanamura was popular. He was going to spread it around school that… spread around what he thought he saw. And Satonaka was friends with Yukiko and freakin’ everyone liked her.  _ Satonaka was still talking, shouting at Hanamura. He couldn’t hear what she was saying, but it caused the two of them to take off down the riverbed. He gave chase, shouting after them.  

“W-Wait, dammit! This ain’t what you think! Y-you got it all wrong! Hey! Are you listening, dammit!? It seriously ain't like that!”  _ Fuck fuck FUCK! _

He should have been able to catch them. He had a longer stride, but Satonaka was athletic, fast enough to outrun  _ and  _ outmaneuver him as she darted away down little side streets through the suburban part of town. Hanamura seemed propelled by pure panic as if he genuinely feared for his life. Kanji slowed his run as they disappeared from sight. He growled and hit the nearest accessible thing; a notice board, a mix of despair and panic bubbling in his chest. 

He couldn’t think. He needed to go home.  

He walked down the river bed, heading towards the shopping district, but keeping an eye out for anyone else watching him, any whispers or suspicious giggles. How many people did they have following him? He didn’t think it was just the two of them - fuck, how many people would he have to threaten to keep this quiet? What did Naoto think? Think...of him… now that he had met him? He... hoped he liked him. _That is freakin’ stupid. What the hell?_ _Stupid fucking Hanamura and Satonaka; they could fucking ruin everything. They had no idea what was going on. If I never see them again it would be too soon._ He turned the corner and headed up the main street in the shopping district- sonnova bitch. They were all in front of his Ma’s shop. Again. Yukiko, Hanamura, Satonaka and that other guy.   

Hanamura was doubled over, panting hard. Kanji heard Yukiko respond to whatever it was he said; he was still too far away to hear properly.  

“Well... let's wait here a little longer. Maybe Kanji-kun will come home.” They  _ were  _ following him!? He knew it! He stormed over. 

“What're you guys doing here? Why are you assholes followin' me around!? Dammit, what the hell's going on!?” The four of them looked terrified, but it was the startled look in Yukiko’s eyes which made him reconsider flying off the handle at them and hitting Hanamura like he wanted to. Yukiko looked about to cry.  _ No, calm down Kanji. Let’s see if they talk some sense.  _

He sighed heavily, calming himself down. “I ain't sayin' this is you guys' fault... but... dammit...!” Too many strange things had happened recently. He couldn’t get Naoto off of his mind; these guys were watching this entire trainwreck play out and there was nothing he could do to convince them that it wasn't what it looked like because hell he wasn't sure if that was true. 

Hanamura was first to speak. 

“Hey, uh... mind if we ask something? Has anything strange happened to you lately?” Kanji looked over to him, eyes hard. The little prick. This entire fucking situation was strange. How dare he make assumptions…!

“Huh? Strange…? What's this "strange" stuff, huh!? Are you saying that I'm strange!?” he was not going to take this shit coming from jumped up little upstart city kid like Hanamura. 

“Huh? N-No, I didn't mean--!”

“You shitheads better get the hell out of my face, or I'm taking you down!”

“Wha--!? Wait, why!?”

“I look like I'm joking!?” A moment's pause and all four of them turned and fled, scattering in different directions in their haste to get away from him. He was ready to hit someone and he didn’t care who. 

He stormed into the shop, slamming the door behind him. The shop was closed for the day; the lights were off, and his Ma was nowhere to be seen. He locked the door. He didn’t bother with the light; there was enough to see as he slipped his shoes off and stepped up onto the tatami mats of the textile shop. 

He was going to have a shower. And then go to bed. He had too much shit to think about.  


	3. Chapter 3

17th May 2011 

_Stupid freakin’ Hanamura and his friends. What the hell did they have to turn up for, and say all that crap? Calling him strange, sayin’ all that shit and making him chase them. And makin’ him abandon Naoto too…  Hell knows what Naoto thought of him now. Not that it matters or nothin’ just… they had better not say nothin’, or he would give them such a beating._

He ran a hand through his hair under the shower as he pictured Naoto’s face, chin tilted down, large eyes looking up from under his cap as he agreed to meet him again. Kanji felt his stomach do a somersault at the thought, and a faint blush rise on his cheeks.

He couldn’t get Naoto out of his freakin’ mind. Whilst he stood under the hot spray of water, washing away the sweat he had built up chasing Hanamura and his imbecile friends, he found his mind drifting back to the conversation they had shared walking along the riverbank. He couldn’t remember the exact words very well but he easily recalled how he felt.

His stomach had been in knots. Here was a person who not only wanted to spend time with him, but had actively sought him out, even asked after him. He had tried so hard not to mess it up; not to say something dumb, not to get angry or flustered or-

Naoto was too damn cute. It was unfair that a guy got to be that cute. Pretty, even.   

Kanji hadn’t been sure if he had a type, but whatever Naoto was, this was his. The messy dark hair forced under a cap, the large blue eyes, the petite and slender figure; everything about this boy was something Kanji found attractive. And... that was a problem... wasn’t it?

He shivered, recalling just how intently Naoto had looked at him when they first spoke, the intensity of those eyes sending a jolt up his spine, that focussed interest. His body instantly responded to the memory. He was hard.  

_Huh… well… that is kinda… weird. I ain’t like that…_

_What if I am though? What if I'm the type who never gets interested in girls…?_

He shut the water off and towelled himself down, being careful not to pay too much attention to the parts of him that were being pretty insistent at the moment. He’d deal with it later. He didn’t bother with his hair, no point if he was going to bed, and just left it where it lay over his forehead. He picked up his glasses from where they lay by the sink. He rarely wore them; he didn’t really need to, it wasn’t as if he did a lot of reading or whatever. The image wasn’t exactly what he was going for either.

He walked back to his bedroom, towel tied around his waist. He wasn’t tired at all.

Naoto- what did Naoto think of him? He _had_ said that he found him odd... so he was just like all the others, right? It was just…  he seemed so interested. It was too damn tenacious an idea to leave alone. Kanji changed into a pair of shorts and climbed into bed.

Naoto had the most intense eyes Kanji had ever seen. Most people avoided eye contact with him; it wasn’t hard as he towered above most people. They had that tendency to look at the floor when he passed, and hope he passed soon. _Not that they are too scared to talk shit behind my back though._

But Naoto... didn’t. Naoto made eye contact despite being so damn tiny. He looked at Kanji when he spoke and held his gaze when Kanji stuttered out a response.

Naoto had sounded intelligent; calm, collected and in control. Kanji must have sounded like a freakin’ moron. It had been hard to string a sentence together. _I don’t think that I said anything stupid. He just asked me if I had seen anything suspicious. I think I answered ok. Just actin’ cool._

_I wonder what it would have been like to kiss him._

Kanji stopped, wondering where the hell that thought had come from. God damn it! He ain’t like that! But, the thought persisted. The feel of his lips against his…Naoto’s hair looked really soft; perhaps… perhaps he could touch it, stroke it as he pulled him closer and-

_No. This is too-_

His body was stirring again, a familiar warmth spreading to his cock. Damn it, he was just thinking about a kiss. _Then why the hell is it doing this to me?_

Kissing can lead to other things right?  

Images flashed through Kanji’s mind, uncharacteristically vivid, each harder to ignore than the last.

The thought of Naoto’s mouth on his neck, pressing his lips against his pulse. Picturing touching him as he did so, caressing his skin. It looked so soft, so delicate. He just wanted to touch it, feel it against his own.  Naoto wouldn’t have the scars and bruises he had.

_I wonder what his lips feel like… his skin looked so soft…_

The urge was too hard to ignore. He trailed his hand into his shorts and gripped his cock, inhaling sharply at the sensation. He began to stroke himself, warmth spreading throughout his body. Picturing Naoto. Fuck, he was turned on. He wasn’t going to last long. His heart beat wildly in his chest, his breathing becoming ragged. He had to convince himself that his heartbeat was only as loud to his own ears.

_They… they could do this… couldn’t they? Just because they were boys didn’t mean that they couldn’t-  oh... to have him like this-_

He felt his stomach try to tie itself in knots, his inner voice try and make him feel guilty, but-

He wondered what Naoto would look like at the peak of arousal. Would he be as hot as Kanji was? His cheeks as red…? His cock as hard…?

Kanji shivered at the thought, a small gasp escaping his lips as he moved his hand faster. What would Naoto’s voice would sound like when he was in this state; would he lose his way of speaking or… or would he keep calm... saying his name.

It was too much. Kanji groaned as he came, his stroke faltering. Fuck. It felt good. He just- _what the hell?_   

The comedown was hard. The last of the heat fled from his body, leaving him feeling cold, an uncomfortable sensation in his chest. His mind was screaming at him that what he had just done was wrong. That it _ain’t right_ for him to think of another man like that.  

Kanji glanced at the clock hanging on his bedroom wall; it was almost midnight. From behind his partially drawn curtains the yellow glare of the streetlights illuminated the street. It had started to rain. He felt wide awake. And like shit.

_Screw this. Might as well get up._

He changed out of his nightwear, bundling his shorts around the mess he just made before throwing them into his washing hamper. It was almost a waste in putting it on in the first place. he changed into his school uniform, leaving his glasses on the bedside table, before heading to the bathroom. Maybe Naoto would be around tomorrow and-

He shivered.

_I look like shit._

He leant heavily on the sink, staring at his reflection in the harsh light of the bathroom. Dark shadows under his eyes, his hair mussed and unkempt, and his expression set in a frown. He looked freakin’ _old_. He washed his hands before splashing cold water over his face and neck, running wet hands through his hair, forcing it into place after it had become disheveled earlier. That was slightly better.

There was the distinct rumble of an engine, a large vehicle approaching in the street, cutting through the silence. Kanji growled and stormed back to his bedroom to get a better look at the cause of the offending noise; the sound was unnecessarily loud in the stillness of the shopping district. It had better not be those biker punks again; one beating this month had to be enough. The mood he was in right now, he would happily kick their asses, final warning from the police be damned.    

Checking out of the window, a delivery truck was parked opposite the textile shop, headlights switched off, but under the yellow-glare of the streetlights the silhouette of a figure was visible inside the van. The engine was still running; the driver didn’t move.

The street was silent; none of the buildings opposite had their lights on, no one was waiting at their shop entrances to accept the delivery. Looking outside of his window, his was the only lit room in the street.  

 _A delivery for the shop…?_ Admittedly it was not _totally_ unheard of for the type of fabric his mother’s shop sold to be delivered this late at night, but his Ma usually told him beforehand if they were expecting a particularly late or early order. Old bag is starting to lose it. He might as well go and check; it wouldn’t hurt to get into her good books again after the entire beating up the biker gangs again thing.

Grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair he headed downstairs, slinging it over his shoulders as he did so. He passed the living room and headed to the front of the shop, slipping on his shoes before pulling the wooden sliding door aside and letting himself out into the cool night air. He took a moment to enjoy the sensation, the cold air and light rain against his face particularly welcome after tonight. He wasn’t cut out for thinking, no, _fretting,_ for long periods of time.

He crossed the street and headed towards the still idling delivery truck. The silhouetted figure he had seen from his bedroom window didn’t seem to be here; Kanji peered into the gloom of the driver’s seat, but he couldn’t see anyone. Perhaps he had already started unloading.

The back of the truck was open, and the driver was leaning against a nearby low wall. His face was hidden in shadow beneath the delivery company’s hat, rainwater running off the cap. His features were only briefly illuminated when he took a drag on the slightly damp cigarette hanging from his lips.

“You got stuff for Tatsumi?” Kanji asked, impatient to get out of the wet. The driver nodded, exhaling a thin stream of smoke, and gesturing into the truck. Kanji strained his eyes in the dark but couldn’t see the usual bolts of fabric; there was a large tv close to him, but that was all he could see. “I… uh… what am I looking for-” Kanji looked over to the driver but he was nowhere to be seen.  

A sudden impact sent him sprawling; a rough shove from behind. He stumbled forwards, falling hard, his face impacting on the rough floor of the truck, his shoulder hitting the TV set on the way down. Anger and surprise flared through him, his face contorted into a snarl as he twisted to face his attacker, hands balled in fists, his body tense and ready to fight.

His assailant threw his entire body weight against Kanji, his shoulder connecting with Kanji’s stomach. Kanji fell backwards; there was a sudden sensation of falling. He panicked and grabbed at anything he could, fingers clawing at the air. A sudden stop, his head hitting the ground as he landed on his back; Kanji’s vision slowly faded to black.  

* * *

 

?? May 2011 

Kanji didn’t move straight away; it hurt too much. He had no idea how long he had been out of it but his mouth tasted like shit. His tongue was dry, and his head pounding. It felt like that time he was brawling with some thugs (bikers again, a different gang) a year or so ago, and one of them rabbit punched him in the head. His Ma and the doctors were unimpressed; apparently he could have been really injured or...worse.

He opened his eyes; his vision was hazy, but there didn’t seem to be much for him to see anyway. The entire place was pale grey and dark red, from the metal tiled floor to the oddly angled walls, everything misty with a thick, white fog. He rubbed his eyes and wished that he had his glasses with him; the fog was so thick that he couldn’t see more than a foot or so in front of him. There didn’t seem to be anything or anyone here.

Footsteps were approaching, slow and measured with a heavy tread. Kanji turned his head towards the sound and watched the tall shadowy figure head towards him, blinking when the person was near enough to identify.

It was... him?

The figure was dressed exactly the same; school uniform, jacket slung over his shoulders, bleached blonde hair, cropped short and slicked back. It was like looking into a mirror.

“T..The hell is this...!?“ This was some uncanny shit right there; Kanji felt uneasy and slightly sick to his stomach.

He struggled to sit up, ignoring the sharp pain in his head as he did so, as well as the dull ache of his arms and shoulders. He tried to wave away the fog in front of his face to get a clearer image. The figure hadn’t stopped walking towards him. It was unmistakably him. The details were identical, right down to the scar above his left eyebrow, nose stud and the piercings adorning his ears. Identical, except the eyes, which were seething a bright malevolent yellow.

The other Kanji stopped a few feet away and sneered, his mouth turning up in the corners as he fixed his attention on Kanji.

“Yo, dumbass!” Kanji frowned; the voice was his but as if heard through an echo, and uncharacteristically mocking. “s‘bout time you arrived.”

“Wh- what? Where is this place? Who the hell are you!?” He struck the empty air at his side, but still didn’t have the energy to stand up. His back hurt as if he had been dropped from a height; he remembered falling.

“I thought that was obvious, you idiot. I am you.” The other Kanji smirked. Kanji scowled and struggled to his feet, and it was as if the world shifted as he did so. The red and black tiles and walls faded into the fog, becoming even more indistinct. He faced his other self and instinctively pulled himself into a fighting stance.

“Th-that don’t make any sense. Start making sense dammit!”

“I am you, and you are me. I know everything about you. About us. In fact-” He paused, mid sentence, and when he spoke again, his voice had changed, the register becoming higher, and lisping slightly. “It’s about time you were honest with yourself, Kanji-kun.”

“W-What do you mean?” This was too… surreal. Weird. Freakin’ _strange_. The hell was going on? What the hell was this guy talking about? In his peripheral vision he could sense the world shifting again, indistinct shapes fading in and out of the fog.

“You’re lying to yourself, Kanji-kun. About what you are, what you want.” The other Kanji’s yellow eyes bore into his, and Kanji began to feel uncomfortable.

“I… I don’t...” Kanji felt panic begin to rise in his chest. _No, he can’t know. No one knows. Hell, even I don’t know for sure-_

“Oh? Don’t you know what I am going to say? You _know_ what I’m talking about.  That little moment with yourself, hmm?” He paused, looking at Kanji as if he was searching for something. He smiled widely. His voice was becoming more flamboyant, mocking, the insinuation clear as day.

“N-no way!” _Shit. He knew._ The world took tangible form. The red tiles were replaced with a vague outline of wooden panels, the suddenly air stiflingly hot. The other Kanji laughed. “S-Shut up! I ain’t like that!” _I’m not ... like that. It don’t have nothing to do with that. I just-_

“No? Then why did you _enjoy_ thinking about that young guy?” Kanji looked stricken, a deep blush rising onto his cheeks as the memory of a few hours before flashed in front of his eyes. The guilt made him feel sick.

“W... What do you-” The other Kanji interrupted him.

“Oh I _saw_ you Kanji-kun. I’m you remember? I was there. And it felt good, right? When you were touching-”

“Shut up!” Kanji lunged forward, ignoring the pain, crossing the short distance between him and the other Kanji. He planted his feet in front of the gloating figure, drew his fist back and aimed a punch square at his face.

He didn’t connect with anything, instead his fist went through blue-black smoke. He must have missed. It was this damn fog.  

“So hot blooded!” The other Kanji was behind him, his voice grating, a mocking caricature of flamboyancy. Kanji spun round, snarling, hands balled into fists. He swung again, and again connected with nothing. And again. And again. Punching, kicking - wherever he aimed a strike, the figure wasn’t there. He kept evaporating into smoke at the last second, teleporting just out of reach, laughing all the while. “Look how manly you are Kanji-kun! So violent! So strong! But we both know what you are _really_ like...”

The other Kanji teleported to the other side of the room, and Kanji took the opportunity to get his breath back. Sweat was beading on his forehead in the heat of the room, and his breathing was laboured. His head really hurt, and it was so damn hot… Kanji could have sworn that there wasn’t a bed of hot coals in the middle of the room a moment ago.

“Oh this place is heating up! Such a fine _display._ It makes me so hot and bothered- is that what you want Kanji-kun? For me to be _impressed…_?” The other kanji undid the top button of his jacket and let it fall from his shoulders to the floor. Gripping the bottom of his t-shirt, he pulled it over his head in a fluid movement, leaving him shirtless. His pale flawless skin was enshrouded in thick fog and steam. His hands were resting on the belt of his trousers, about to undo the buckle, a teasing come-hither look in his eyes.  

“The hell… the hell are you doing!?” Kanji’s voice was tight, pained, threatening to crack for the first time since his voice broke. He was grimacing, teeth clenched. The world had shifted again; there was no mistaking it - this was a bathhouse. The other Kanji stripped out of the trousers, and was admiring himself, as if seeing his body for the first time.

“You try so hard to be manly; just look at you…” he gave a soft murmur of delight and arousal “all muscle and those _shoulders…”_ He was caressing himself, running his hands over his own body, over his chest. “Always trying to prove yourself, prove that you are a guy.”

“S-Shut up! I am a guy, dammit!”

“Oh yes, let’s look at what you have become! All those fights, skipping school. Is that better than giving in to what you truly want? No one accepts you. I could find you someone here, in this steamy paradise…”

“Fuck no! What the hell are you implying!”

“Do I really have to spell it out to you Kanji-kun - everyone can see me here.” He gestured around the room, to the newly manifested studio-lights and stage rigs. “They can see you as you _want_ to be. I have their undivided attention. That elusive thing you strive for, he’ll come here…”

“...” _Oh fuck no. What did he… people can see…? Who…? W...Where am I?_     

“Don’t believe me? Watch!” He leapt up onto the stage and posed as if in front of a camera. The light snapped on, spotlight focussed on him. Kanji swore he could hear music. “Hel-Lo, dear viewers… it’s time for “bad, bad bathhouse”! Tonight, I'll introduce a superb site for  those searching for sublime love that surpasses the separation of the sexes! I'm your host, Kanji Tatsumi, serving you this scandalously special sneak-in report! Goodness gracious, just imagine the things that might happen to me there! Oh! Well then, let's get this show on the road! Toodaloo!”

Kanji looked afflicted, watching, his jaw dropped as his mirror image posed and pouted and flirted. The bastard said his name. Was this being broadcast? Was he on TV?  

He had to get out of here. Hitting the bastard hadn’t worked; _the hell is wrong with that?_ Time to run.

Kanji turned from his other self and sprinted down the corridor. The door at the far end was closed; he didn’t slow down as he approached and crashed into it, slamming it open with his shoulder. There was another corridor. He sprinted down this one too, skidding around the corner as he noticed slightly too late that it bore to the right. Another door. He slammed this one open too, and was met with yet another almost identical corridor.

The other Kanji was laughing, his voice echoing behind him.

Kanji tore through the building, getting almost frantic. Corridor. Stairs. Room. Corridor. It was so god damned hot. He was slowing down. His breathing was ragged, his blood pounding in his ears, lungs heaving. It was so noisy. Cat calls, wolf whistles, promises of sex, companionship with men. The other Kanji’s voice just _didn’t shut up;_ telling him that he would be back, and back into his waiting arms, soon enough.

The place was like a maze. He lost track of the number of doors he had opened, the number of stairs he had gone down, only to loop round to a place he swore he had been to before. Doors were locked at random, others so heavy it took all of his strength to push them open. All the while he heard the other him, that imposter’s lisping, irritating voice, omnipresent, echoing through the building, recounting every pathetic thought and memory Kanji had ever had.

“Oh, I hope he _likes_ me. He said I was interesting - what did he _mean_?” The other Kanji was deliberately echoing the words Kanji had thought earlier. “His eyes are so… cute. I could stare into them for hours… I wonder what his lips feel like… his skin looked so soft… oh to have him-”

Kanji growled under his breath. _Shut up shut up shut up- Dammit, it didn’t mean nothin’; if that is the worst he could do-_  

As if it could hear him, the other Kanji changed track, his voice higher, mocking, mimicking. “Mommy has some new silk in today! I do hope she gives me some so I can make a dress for my teddie!” Raucous laughter of a crowd followed, startling him; it was coming from everywhere and nowhere. It was like he was surrounded by the noise, by disembodied laughter. Could people really see this? “Shi-chan is so mean! Why did she have to laugh when I told her I thought her bunny was cute?” More laughter. He felt his face become hot. How was he to know boys didn’t say that? He was nine for fuck’s sake. “Why did Taka-chan cry? I didn’t do nothin’!... I don’t wanna play baseball! I wanna bake a cake!”

_How did he know these things…? I… I haven’t told anyone…_

“Oh please. I am you. I know everything. How does it feel, Kanji-kun, knowing that no matter what you do no one will accept you? No one has _ever_ liked you. The girls you were friends with in elementary school just _laughed_ at you for liking the same things they did. Remember Yukiko? Remember Takako? Shizuka? The girls in middle school mocked you for enjoying home economics and crafts over sports. You weren’t manly then, what makes you think you are _now_ ? The boys thought you were _strange_ , the girls thought you were _odd_.”

“I...no...I…” Kanji shook his head and continued down the corridors, trying to block out everything, feeling his face red with shame. _Just need to get out of here. I can’t see a damn thing. It is too freakin’ hot. My damn head hurts..._

“That’s why you do it, isn’t it?  That’s why you fight, try to make yourself _so masculine,_ get into fights, so violent and aggressive. You want people to hate you. You want people to hate the _thug_ you try so hard to be.

“How does it make you feel, Kanji-kun, to know people look away when they see you coming? That the teachers at school warn other students by using you as a _goddamn_ example?” The other Kanji’s voice shifted slightly, dropping back to being merely an echoey version of Kanji’s own, tinged with anger and disgust. “You just gave them something that it is _acceptable_ to hate.”

There was a shimmer in the air, rapidly filling with blue-black smoke. The almost completely naked form of the other Kanji formed in front of him. Kanji hated how his own body, lean and muscular, was being paraded in front of him, the imposter flushed with pleasure as he continued his torment.

“They don’t see the Truth. You are nothing but a gay mommy’s boy who likes _sewing_ and _cooking,_ who is scared of girls! You are just _weird_.”

“N...no. That’s not it dammit!” Sweat was rolling down Kanji’s face, his face red from anger, exhaustion and guilt.

“You prefer men. Men are _so_ much better. That’s why I’m here. Just accept it Kanji-kun.”

“...no…”   _I… I can’t stay here._ The dull ache of a punch was one thing; he had felt that before, but there was something about this place which sapped his strength. Everything _hurt_.  

His head was spinning, the dull pounding from his headache growing. The room was tilting dangerously. There was a door up ahead. Kanji pushed it open. He was back in the first room; large and cavernous, adorned with the trappings of the bathhouse. Studio lights above him and a golden screen behind a stage at the far end.

* * *

  
  
?? May 2011   


Kanji was exhausted; his hair was plastered to his head with sweat, his shoulder hurt from barging the doors with it and he felt like he had been hit with a sledgehammer. He was staring at the floor, not seeing anything, shoulders slumped.

The room was quiet, for now. He had no idea where the other guy was, but he wasn’t here and that meant he could get a few minutes peace. It wouldn’t be long before he returned and began his torment anew.

He sat with his back against a pillar, shivering despite the immense heat of the room. he clung to his jacket, wrapping it tightly around him. He hurt everywhere. His head hadn’t stop hurting ever since he woke up in this place and now he had physical fatigue on top of that. He was sick of the fog. He was sick of the steam. He just wanted to go home.

He couldn’t tell how long he had been here - it didn’t seem too long ago that he first awoke in this world and saw...him… for the first time, but listening to him reveal all of his secrets, every single dark and guilty thought- there had been so many of them; he had to have been here hours.

The worst thing was, that other...him… it was right. Maybe. Perhaps this was the only way he could be accepted; he sure as hell wasn’t accepted for who he was before.

“Oh Kanji-kun…” He was back. Kanji grimaced and tried to ignore that sing-song voice. It was just so freakin’ irritating. The other Kanji walked over and stood in front of him, dressed in nothing but a towel slung low around his waist. He was standing with his weight on one foot, one hip jutting forward; a feminine stance. From this distance Kanji could see the sheen of sweat on his skin, and a blush high on his cheek bones.

“Whadda you want?” His voice was hoarse.  He met his other self’s gaze and glared at him. He was too tired to do any more. The other Kanji giggled and gestured to himself.    

“Accept it. This is what you want to be, right? A guy’s guy?”

“No… I...”

“It is so _easy_ Kanji-kun! Just be like this… like _me_ ... and you can have all the lovers you could ever want. You are certain to _charm_ that delightful young man you so have the hots for. Naoto, was it?”

Kanji grunted, looking away from his other self. _He didn’t want that…_

His shadow began to laugh.


	4. Chapter 4

?? May 2011

“C'mere, pussycat…” The imposter closed the distance between him and Kanji, stopping in front of him. He reached out and touched the fabric of Kanji’s T-shirt, before tracing his fingers over the faint shape of his muscles.  “Oh... Such well-defined pecs…” Kanji could feel his heart racing at the touch. “There's no need to be scared…” Kanji knocked his hand away and stepped back, his hands balled into fists. He wasn’t scared of  _ him _ . Physically, he was just a dude, right? And guys ain’t scary. The things that prick were saying though, he didn’t have an answer to them. It was like his dad all over again, telling him to become strong if he wanted to be a man, as though he knew... as though  _ everyone  _ knew that he wasn’t. He wasn’t strong. He wasn’t a real man. 

“Stop… stop it.” Kanji said, his voice strained. “Just… leave me alone, dammit.” His voice was rapidly losing its fire. He just felt so freakin’ exhausted. There was a noise ringing through the bath house. A series of growls and snarls.

The impostor's expression changed. He cocked his head to one side as if listening to something. 

“Oh… we have company, Kanji-kun! I had better update them on this show!” His form shimmered, made indistinct with the blue and black smoke that formed around him. He vanished from the room. Kanji sighed. 

He didn’t know where the bastard had gone; but Kanji could just about hear the echo of his voice ringing around the bathhouse. He contemplated combing through the corridors again; a half-formed idea to find whoever this “company” was. Regardless, he took the opportunity to open the door of the chamber in an attempt to find a breath of fresh air, to try and get away from that all encompassing heat. Beyond the double doors was a sort of antechamber, just as hot and oppressive as the room he was in. That was the end of that idea, then. 

What was going to happen now? He couldn’t get out. He didn’t even know where he was. His phone didn’t have any reception; hell, it wasn’t even showing the date and time, the display showing an error message. What if... he died in here? Kanji slumped to the ground with his head in his hands, running his fingers through his sweat-slicked hair. The impostor's voice rang through the room as if a TV was playing somewhere.   

“Oh, my my! Thank you for your undivided attention! At last, I've  _ penetrated  _ the facility! These images are coming to you live from inside this steamy paradise!”  _ Paradise? This place was hell. _ “But I've yet to have any charming encounters. Could this hot fog be the cause? It's like steam rising from sweat! Mmmm, my body's tingling with excitement!” Kanji felt sick to his stomach. That bastard was acting as like this was an actual TV show. That disembodied raucous laughter returned, echoing from everywhere and nowhere. The thought that someone else was in here, watching all this, hearing all of those things said with his face, in his voice, terrified him as much as it was a glimmer as hope. If people knew about this, then maybe they could get him out? 

“That elusive thing I  _ truly _ yearn for... Will I finally find it here?” Kanji snorted. Like that bastard knew what he was ‘yearning’ for. Though... yeah, it would be so good not to have to constantly pretend to be someone he wasn’t all the time.  The other Kanji giggled, “well then, onward and deeper to reach further realms of romance! Let's get going, dammit!” That last bit was in  _ his  _ voice, not in that annoying flamboyant lisp. That made it all the worse. 

The fog was hurting his eyes, the heat simultaneously drying them out and making them water. He had a splitting headache, too. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate or drank something.  _ Shit, I would kill for some water right now. And a shower _ . How long had he been in here? He rested his head on his folded arms, screwing his eyes up tight to block out the bright lights, to try and relieve some of the pain. A warm hand touched the back of his head, stroking his hair. He violently jerked head back despite the pain it caused. The other Kanji had manifested, looming slightly as he stood over him.  _ Just… I didn’t even hear you arrive...just fuck off. Please… _

“Did you hear that, Kanji-kun? The show is a success! So many people are watching; it is only a matter of time before we get our  _ encounter. _ ” His voice was soft and alluring. He reached out again, trailing his fingers down Kanji’s cheek and along his jawline.  

“S-stop it.” The other Kanji stopped his caress and held Kanji’s chin between his thumb and forefinger. He tilted his head so that their eyes met, Kanji’s full of pain, his shadow’s eyes seething yellow. 

“You are still resisting me! I can feel it. You just need to give in to-” Kanji shook his head free from his grasp and stood up as quickly as he could, trying to ignore the pain in his head and his protesting muscles as he did so. They stood facing each other, Kanji in his crumpled and sweat-stained school uniform, his other self practically naked, his skin glistening. Kanji was the first to speak. He tried to keep his voice measured and calm. 

“A man… A man can't back down at a time like this! “

“‘A man can’t back down?’ Oh Kanji-kun, do you even  _ realise  _ what you are saying?”   

“Just watch, and I'll show you…. how manly Kanji Tatsumi can be...” _ Men are strong. Men don’t back down. Men aren’t afraid. Men are proud.  _ The other Kanji raised his eyebrow, questioningly. 

“And how, exactly, do you plan to do that?” 

“…A man's got this thing called pride…” he forced a laugh, “I'll never lose…” _ I won’t … I can’t lose to you. If I do then I have to admit that- screw this!  _ The other Kanji laughed. 

“Sure. Keep telling yourself that, pussycat.”

* * *

  
  


The bastard had taken off again, leaving Kanji alone inside that room once more.

“Hey there, cutie pie! Are you trying to break the barrier of the acceptable, just like me?”

There was a pause. Someone was responding, but their voices didn’t seem to telegraph around the bathhouse in the same way the imposter’s voice did. The other him had long since told him that there was someone inside the facility; Kanji was dreading to see who it was. 

“Ooh! Does that mean you're yearning for me? Is that so? Oh, that makes me _so_ happy! Well then, I simply _must_ prepare something spectacular for you! I'm so looking forward to seeing you soon! Well, toodaloo!” Kanji stood up, jaw set. Well, whoever they were, if they were getting closer and fighting their way towards him, then he would meet them halfway. He was going to take out the other him.  

“This place is heating up from the sudden entry of a fine young man! To celebrate this encounter, I've prepared a special stage tonight! A single match with no time limit! Who will be left standing in the end? Now, pour out your hot blood and guts!” It sounded like he was doing that TV thing again. ‘Prepared a stage’ he coming back here, then, right? 

Kanji cracked his knuckles and rolled his shoulders. God _damn_ his shoulder ached. He couldn’t think about that now; he knew he had to focus, maybe hit that bastard when he first manifested. Yeah, that would work. Punch him in that smug face. Kanji began pacing around the room, keeping a look-out for the telltale blue-black smoke.  It took longer than he anticipated for the other him  to arrive. 

Eventually, a hint of blue smoke heralded his approach, barely visible in the thick white fog. if Kanji hadn’t been looking out for it, he wasn’t sure he would have noticed it.  Kanji sprinted towards it, just at the edge of the stage, and drew his fist back. The fog stung his eyes, the oppressive heat beat down on him. Letting out a guttural cry, he punched with the last of his strength. 

The other Kanji didn’t manifest. Kanji tripped, his momentum carrying him further than he anticipated.  _ Wh-what? The bastard had anticipated the punch or something?  _

There was a giggle behind him. His shadow stood against the closed door, yellow eyes bright with malevolence, his mouth pulled into a sneer.  Kanji slumped, his shoulders hunched forward in defeat. He couldn’t even be angry any more. That had been the last of it. He wasn’t strong enough to continue like this. He’d  _ lost _ . 

_ “ _ Ooh Kanji-kun! You have tried that already. And whilst I find such a show of manliness quite  _ spectacular,  _ it won’t work. Fighting things you don’t understand… no… what you  _ do  _ understand and just won’t accept- it is so important to you, isn’t it?”   __

“No, dammit... that ain't important…that's not what I want to... that ain't it at all!” He tried to keep the exhaustion from his voice, but he couldn’t. he was just so damn tired. The door slammed open and his other self looked up at the intrusion. He was still smiling. Kanji didn’t bother to turn around.

It didn’t matter that he had lost. He still had his pride, right? He was going to go down fighting, sickness and injuries be damned. He steeled himself, muscles taut, but he couldn’t hide just how tired he was, how weary he felt.  

“Kanji!” A voice cut through the fog and made him jump; he flinched. He didn’t recognise who it was. W _ ho...? _ No, it was not important damn it - he had to show this...this imposter, this other him, that he was not who he said he was. That  _ everything  _ he had said in this hell had been a lie. He hoped that he looked more convincing that he felt. As they approached, he recognised the school uniform first, and then who they were.  _ Oh. Those guys.  _

The other Kanji focussed his attention back to him, apparently taking in his stance, his tense muscles, and his scowl. He waved his hand, gesturing at Kanji. 

“Oh, come now,  _ enough  _ with the charade. Isn't it awful to deceive people? To deceive yourself…? What's so bad about doing what I want to do?”  _ This again? Shit, was he going to repeat all that crap in front of these guys…?   _

“That has nothin' to do with it…”  His voice was low, tired. He had to say it. Had to say it wasn’t true.  

“I'm what you really want, aren't I?” The other Kanji’s eyes were narrowed, flirty. He’d said  _ that  _ before. It must have been for the benefit of the audience, to those guys from school. People were watching. People like Yukiko, Satonaka and Hanamura were watching. Kanji grimaced. He had to put up a fight, make them  _ see  _ that he wasn’t... like this. He would have to show them how  _ wrong  _ this bastard had got it. No matter what he felt, he couldn’t let people like that see… 

“No...” 

“Ohh, how I hate girls! So  _ arrogant  _ and  _ self-centered _ ! They cry if you get angry, they gossip behind your back, they spread nasty lies. They look at me like some… some disgusting  _ thing  _ and say that I'm a weirdo.  _ Laughing  _ at me, all the while!” The other guy was mimicking Kanji’s emotions, those feelings of desperate anger and disdain.

“ ‘You like to sew? What a queer!’ ‘Painting is so not you.’ ‘But you're a guy…’ ‘You don't act like a guy…’; ‘Why aren't you manly…’” Shit, he had kept those things hidden for so long. Sewing, painting - things which he had been damn good at ever since he was a kid and  _ mocked  _ for. His other self hadn’t finished. 

“What does it mean “to be a guy”? what does it mean to be “manly”? Girls are so scary…”

“I-I ain't scared of 'em!” He wasn’t scared of anything, right? He took on biker gangs, fought with anyone who looked at him funny. Those guys had run away from him because  _ they  _ were scared of  _ him _ . He wished he sounded more convincing; even he could tell that his voice was shaking. 

“Men are much better…They'd never say those awful, degrading things. Yes, I vastly prefer men…”  _ Have to deny it. I… I will never live this down if I don’t deny it… _

“Hell with that! What makes you think you can say that shit with my face…!?” His voice was breaking, his throat was sore, his voice hoarse; anger and pain rising in his chest.

“Why, you're me… and I'm you. You do know that, don't you…?” He had said this almost constantly since he had arrived. The more he had repeated it, the more Kanji had resisted. He screwed up the last of his energy and shouted at the imposter. 

“No… Nuh-uh! No way! There's no way in hell that you're me!” Whilst some of what that thing said  _ was  _ true, he was not going to admit that in front of some kids from his school. 

The imposter look taken slightly aback, before giggling a humorless laugh. It seemed to be what it had been pushing for this entire time. Dark smoke swirling around it as it began to change, transform, grow into a new monstrous form. 

_...the hell?   _

The other Kanji was surrounded by roses, his arms wrapped over himself in a caress. He no longer looked smug, or sneering; he looked slightly worried and... a little upset? He was sitting on a monstrous form of a man, its huge arms holding the symbols of Mars. He towered above everyone in the room. 

More smoke swirled, and two more male figures appeared, one side of them a pale grey, the other black. They looked like bodybuilders, musclebound and huge.  

“You're me, and there's no denying it! I'm just being true to myself… And that's why…I'll get rid of anything in my way!”

Kanji couldn’t fight them. He couldn’t will his body to fight. He had resisted and fought every step of the way and now he didn’t have any more strength to give. His schoolmates didn’t seem to have that problem, rushing forward with weapons drawn.  _ Weapons… how did they have weapons?  _

It was too fast a fight to keep up with; in the fog he could only make out indistinct shapes and forms. The two hulking guys were quick and strong, grunting and striking. The other Kanji was moaning, taunting, flirting. There were so many shouts from his schoolmates too, words which he didn’t understand.

It was finally over. The other him wasn’t moving. 

“Kanji-kun!” Yukiko ran up to his side, laying a hand on his shoulder. He flinched at the touch. He didn’t want that right now. He couldn’t… couldn’t accept that… that other…  _ him _ . 

“Wait, Yukiko! Something's…” Hanamura’s voice was shaky. From the corner of his eye Kanji could see the familiar blue smoke of his other self rise as it stood up to face them, not backing down. 

“I-It's still coming at us! Kanji's still rejecting it…” That weird bear thing said, running behind the one he called “sensei.” The fourth one of their party. Kanji hadn’t caught his name. 

“Well, I can't blame him with this many witnesses…” said Hanamura. Kanji scowled.  _ Sure… witnesses like you, Hanamura.  _

His other self still wasn’t finished. His voice was ragged, he sounded tired and weak, but he persisted. “Such a passionate approach…” 

“What?” Hanamura just didn't get it.  

“I think that you three… would make wonderful boyfriends.” God  _ damn  _ it, shut up. Kanji stood up, knocking Yukiko’s hand aside as he did so.  

“S-Stop it! Y-You got it all wrong!” Hanamura looked scared, shouting at the other Kanji who was smiling weakly, trying to look appealing. He was trying to flirt, but he looked exhausted. Kanji had had enough.

“Enough…” He walked in front of his other self, effectively stopping Hanamura from talking. He spoke to the other him directly. “Stop… What the hell are you blabbering about…?” He squinted through the fog. He actually felt sorry for the guy, in a way. He looked so weak, no, _ vulnerable _ .  

“I don't care who… Won't someone, anyone, please accept me…?” That made his stomach turn; he felt like he had been struck a blow. He clenched his teeth together. He no longer felt afraid, or angry or anything; he was just,  _ weary. _

“Stop… it…”  _ Stop now.  _

“Accept me for who I am!” That hurt so damn much. 

“Wh-Whoa! I really don't swing that way!” Hanamura still didn't get it; still arguing with the other guy. Kanji ignored him; he wasn’t important right now. He spoke to his other self again. 

“I said stop it!”

“Kanji, you're…”  _ Shut it, Hanamura. _ Kanji faced his shadow head on, looking him in the eye before pulling back his fist and punching him in the face. It was a weak punch and he hadn't expected it to connect after so many failed attempts. The imposter fell backwards immediately and laid on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. Kanji stood over him, ignoring his newfound audience. He sighed, and spoke quietly to his other self.   

“Yeah, I know. I've known all this time I had something like you. It ain't a matter of guys or chicks... I'm just scared shitless of being rejected. I'm a total pansy who tries to make everyone hate me.” His other self didn’t respond. “ … C'mon, get up. Anyone who looks like me, I know they ain't so weak they can't take a punch. I already know that you're me. You're me… and I'm you, dammit.”

The other Kanji faded away; in its place a flash of blinding light. Kanji heard a deep rumbling in the back of his mind, loud and deep as thunder. He knew its name;  Take-Mikazuchi.  

He shivered and felt his knees buckle. There was a startled noise from Yukiko. 

“It's… It's nothin'…” Nope, his legs were giving way. He sat heavily on the floor. His head span. He was just going to sit here from a short while. The others looked concerned, though Hanamura had a weird look on his face. 

Kanji forced a laugh. “I feel great… It's like my mind's all cleared up…” It... was partly true. He still had a splitting headache, and he felt sick to his stomach, but he felt like the worst had happened. People had seen this part of him; it couldn’t get any worse. And, in a way, it hadn’t gone  _ that  _ badly. These guys had seen his terrible secret and they were still here. 

He had a hell of a lot to think about. A shit ton. But he could do that later, and more importantly he could do that alone.  _ It ain’t about boys and girls, I‘m just so shit scared of no-one accepting me.  _ He had to make sure that these guys wouldn’t say anything though. 

“Hey… About what just  happened…”

* * *

 

For some reason they were in Junes. Of all the places Kanji expected to come out into, especially once they had left the sauna and into that TV studio place, it hadn’t been here. 

He couldn't have said how long he had been in there, but it was enough time for him to almost come accustomed to not being able to see more than a few feet in front of him, and to get used to the oppressively hot air. The evening felt freezing in comparison even indoors. Everything hurt like a bitch; his muscles ached; he had a pounding headache. He was exhausted and starving hungry. 

He hadn’t wanted any help getting back to the shop, insisting that he could walk home by himself, but the four of them had been oddly persistent that he was taken home. It hadn’t helped that his legs had buckled after a few steps and he had dropped to the floor in the middle of the electronics department. In the end it was Hanamura who volunteered to take him back.

“Come on, I’ll get you home.” Yosuke held out his hand.

“You don’t need to-”

“Hey it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I’m Yosuke, by the way, Yosuke Hanamura.” He pulled Kanji up and he leaned heavily on his shoulders.

“Heh, you already know who I am. Kanji Tatsumi.”

They walked in silence for the most part; the only noise being an occasional grunt from Kanji as his shoulder was jostled, or his heavy breathing as they laboured along the streets of the shopping district.

They got a few weird looks as they carefully made their way back, especially as they passed the residential district, but no one commented.  _ Heh, they wouldn’t freakin’ dare.  _ It probably looked like he had just been in a fight again. Hanamura said that he had an excuse lined up, that he “found” Kanji in the street or something, but they thankfully hadn’t had to use it. It was a pretty weak excuse. 

“Hey big guy, how’re you holding up?”  

“Tired. I guess.” It was an understatement; he was trying not to fall flat on his face from sheer exhaustion. 

“You should sleep it off.”

“Yeah… my head's killin’ me.”

“Well, it has been over a week.”

“W-What?”

“We tried to get you out sooner, but damn there were a lotta Shadows in that dungeon-” 

“A- a week?”  It hadn’t felt that long. But then again, it had felt like forever when he was in there. His legs felt so weak, and he felt sick and dizzy. He just wanted to go home. Kanji had noticed that he was relying on Hanamura more and more; with every step they took, he was letting more of his weight rest on his shoulders. Hanamura didn’t say anything, though he did seem to be struggling somewhat.

They eventually arrived at the northern part of the shopping district. It was getting late, the sun had set and the only light was coming from the streetlamps. The shop was up head.

“Hey, stop a minute.” Kanji took a deep breath and pushed away from Hanamura, balancing a little unsteadily as he stood on his own accord. His Ma would be worried sick if he had really been gone that long; the last thing she needed was to see him being carried in. He was not going to be able to walk far though. He just needed to get inside the house, right? He would  _ crawl  _ into bed if he had to. Hell, even the tatami floor would be enough.

“You gonna be ok?” Hanamura was stretching, obviously relieved not to be carrying him any more. 

“Yeah. I’m just gonna crash.” Q _ uite literally, if I don’t get inside soon. _ Kanji nodded curtly, before slipping into his home. Closing the door behind him, he finally let exhaustion take over.

****


	5. Chapter 5

6th June 2011

Kanji woke up feeling better; his back was slightly stiff but his headache had finally abated. He glanced over to his window; judging from the light outside it looked to be early morning. A tall glass of water he hadn’t noticed being there before was by his bed, along with some painkillers. Ma must have been in his room again. 

He had spent the last few days drifting in and out of sleep; he’d been exhausted ever since getting back, sleeping for long periods of time, sometimes twelve, fourteen hour stretches. He didn’t any physical injury; he’d checked for wounds and found nothing, not even a wayward bruise. He’d felt cheated, the amount of punishment he had taken whilst in that pace he thought he’d at least have a cool new scar to show for it. His mother had fussed over him, as expected, laying a cool flannel on his head to bring down a temperature she was adamant he had, bringing him drinks and soup, even going as far as threatening to call the doctor out. He didn’t need a doctor, just sleep. The soup was appreciated though. 

The police had visited yesterday; his mother had reported him missing in his absence and they were keen to interrogate him. Hanamura had been right - he’d been gone for over a week. He hadn’t been able to answer most of the questions, but not through a lack of cooperation. He genuinely couldn’t remember much of what happened, especially the night of the alleged kidnap. It had been dark, right? And... there was a person. A person who had come to the shop. And then, there was an entrance, then he was in the sauna. And the other guy showed up. The police had just looked at him weirdly, written his statement, and left. 

He sat up carefully and ran a hand through his hair. He felt gross having spent so many days in bed. He hadn’t managed to properly wash for days, not trusting his legs to hold him up long enough to shower and feeling dizzy almost constantly. 

He sipped the water, not needing the tablets, his mouth dry from excessive sleep. He quickly drained the glass; he hadn’t realised how thirsty he was. After a moment, he swung his legs out of bed and stretched. He heard his joints pop as he stretched out his shoulders. Ah, that felt  _ much  _ better. 

Right. Time to start sortin’ things out. 

He had a lot to think about, but more importantly, he had shit to do. He had to find out how he had ended up in the sauna.  

Kanji dragged himself to the shower and let the spray wash over him. He would have gone for a bath afterwards, but he felt bad running the ofuro for just himself. He thought back to how it had all happened, but details still slipped by him. The more he tried to recall what had happened that night he ended up in that place, the weaker the image was. 

He remembered everything the other him had said, though. Oh, he could remember  _ that  _ clearly. And he had a lot to think about, about all that stuff. Later though. He also remembered the look on his Ma’s face when he had come home. Despite it being really late she was still awake, and had come running when she had heard him collapse into the shop. Her eyes red, a silk handkerchief bunched in her hands. He felt like shit for making her cry, even if it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t taken off before, he had gone sort of missing for a couple of days last year, but what with the murders- she had been worried sick.  

He finished his shower and settled into his usual morning routine; he gelled his hair back  _ huh, probably need to dye it again, _ and, after a moment’s thought, changed into his school uniform. He needed to talk to those guys again. They must know what was going on.

He avoided his mother as he made his way through the shop and out onto the street. The morning sun was bright and high in the sky. Man, it was going to be a hot one. When did they change into their summer uniform again…? 

The walk to school was initially pleasant; after so long being cooped up in bed it felt refreshing to be out in the sunshine and feel early morning breeze on his skin. The shopping district was quite busy, commuters heading towards the station, students making their way towards school, shopkeepers out front talking to people as they passed.  

It wasn’t long until he felt a familiar unease creep over him, of being watched. Kanji was kinda used to getting weird looks. Hell, everywhere he went he usually got someone scowling at him or lookin’ at him scared. It was deliberate now though; bleaching his hair, getting that damn tattoo, getting those piercings. It gave people something to look at. But this time it was different. It was like before, when he was in middle school, long before he reinvented himself.  As he passed through the shopping district to get to the school zone he definitely heard whispers, a couple of people looking at him and then turning back to their hushed conversation. 

_ This… isn’t about the biker gangs.  _

What the other guy said was starting to resurface in his memory. How he had been actin’ like he was on TV. He said that everyone could see them. Hell, there was that laughter too as if people were watching. 

_ Ah, shit.  _

Kanji scowled at the two people gossiping. They caught his eye and quickly looked away. 

As he walked down the streets he became more aware of people looking at him. Two middle aged women actually  _ laughed  _ as he passed. It could’ve just been a coincidence but he swore he heard the word  _ queer _ ; the sinking feeling in his stomach was too hard to ignore. 

The walk to school wasn’t that long; Inaba wasn’t a big town and living in the shopping district meant that he didn’t have far to go anyway. With his stride he got there quickly. As he approached the streets got busier, students walking together and talking. A few kids on bicycles rode past. He heard a few students say his name but he couldn’t see who. His shoulders were hunched, tense, as he approached the gates. 

He was dreading classes. 

* * *

 

Whatever Kanji had heard on the way to school had been nothing compared to what he could hear in the corridors and classrooms. Everywhere he went, people were whispering, talking in small groups about him. What was worse was that he wasn’t sure exactly what everyone had seen; it seemed inconsistent with what he had experienced in there. Whilst he hardly heard anything about bathhouses and TV shows, the rumour mill had taken hold, and more and more people heard about his supposed preference. Hell, some people even brought up how he had met with a boy a few weeks ago.  _ A few weeks… hell it had really been that long…? I should… should probably get around to meeting with him again...  _

As he was putting his shoes into his locker, he was approached by a girl. She was in the year above, or maybe a third year, he didn’t know. She was blonde, her dyed hair pulled up into a bun on the top of her head, and she had modified her uniform to be a bit more fashionable. She was kinda pretty. She stood in front of him, one hand resting on her jutted hip as she looked him up and down. Behind her a small group of girls watched, grinning maliciously. 

“Tatsumi?” She spoke directly, looking him in the eye. Despite being a good foot shorter than him, he felt uneasy. 

“Uh, yeah?”  

“We heard you’re queer now.” Kanji stood for a moment, stunned. It wasn’t a question. 

“The hell!?” He raised his voice and struck the locker with the side of his fist. The sounds echoed through the corridors. She didn’t even flinch. The noise made everyone nearby stop what they were doing to look at what was happening. 

“We  _ all  _ saw it. On the midnight channel?” 

“The hell do you know! Get outta my sight!”  

“Figured. We always knew there was something  _ weird  _ about you.”  She smirked and left to join her friends; they were giggling and talking amongst themselves. 

“Hey! T-That ain’t it!” A lot of people were staring. “The hell are you lookin’ at!?” People scattered in all directions, leaving him furious and feeling slightly panicked. Who the fuck did she think she was? He felt that he was about to fly off the handle at the next person who looked at him funny. Fucking bitch. He sighed, trying to calm down, feeling his face hot with anger. He headed to class, shoulders hunched. 

He sat in his place, ignoring the people who were whispering. Sure, they did this the last time too, when he made his debut a few week ago, but there was something different about the way they spoke about him this time. Some kid in his class thought he’d be clever, and when he was sure Kanji could hear him had whispered to his friend that he’d heard that ‘Tatsumi‘s a fag’. There was sniggering. 

Kanji stood up suddenly, his chair clattering behind him, making everyone jump. He strode over to the kid and loomed over him. 

“What’d you say?”

“Tatsumi-san, could you please sit-” his teacher tried to regain some control of the class. Kanji ignored him. 

“What, nothin’? ‘Cause I swore I heard you say somethin’ about me.” The kid didn’t say a word, but he didn’t look as smug. He’d sat down after that, and the rest of the lesson continued in silence though Kanji was sure that the kid and his friends were looking at him. 

* * *

 

He ate alone at lunchtime, scowling at anyone who came near him in the cafeteria. He kept an eye out for Yu, but didn’t see him or his friends. He’d found out that they were all second years, technically his senpai. He had gone over in his head all of the things he wanted to say to them, what he wanted to ask them. 

About halfway through his meal he noticed that he was being stared at. Again.  _ The fuck with this!  _ Abandoning his half eaten gyuudon he walked over to the kid, a young boy. He looked to be a first year like him, but he wasn’t in his class. 

“What’re you staring at?” he demanded. 

“N-nothing-” The boy had a small notebook and a pen in his hands. He quickly tried to hide it. 

“What’s-? Gimme that!” Kanji snatched the book away from the kid and opened it at random. He saw his name, and Yukiko’s- scrawled in there next to some numbers.  _ The hell was this!? _

“What the- why is my name in this! Who the hell’re you!?” The kid panicked, pushing past Kanji in a haste to leave the cafeteria. Kanji looked at the book again. The numbers looked like dates. Huh. 

“What’s the matter Tatsumi? Had an argument with your boyfriend?” Kanji looked up from the notebook, a scowl firmly in place. There were three third years sat nearby. His dickhead friends started laughing. 

“The hell did you say to me?” The one who spoke initially grinned and sat back in his chair. 

“Oh drop the tough guy act, you faggot.” Kanji sized him up.

“‘Tough guy’, huh? What, you wanna piece of me?” That guy was shorter than Kanji, and not as muscular. He had one of those annoying long hair styles like Hanamura did. He probably didn’t know how to fight; he could take him, easy. And his friends too. He could grab one of these chairs and-

The prick started laughing.

“Hah, I’m not even gonna touch you. I might turn into a pansy.” 

“Is that what you say to your boyfriend?” 

“What a queer.” 

Kanji moved quickly. He stepped forward and grabbed the nearest guy by his jacket collar, hoisting him up from his seat.The other two looked stricken, eyes wide and the entire room fell silent.  

“Who’re you callin’ a pansy, huh?” 

“Put him down, Tatsumi-san.”  _ Fucking teachers. Always showin’ up late, when it looked like he was to blame.  _ He sighed, half lowering, half dropping the prick back into his seat. The bastard immediately started rubbing his neck, making a big show over the supposed injury Kanji had caused. Wuss. He hadn’t even hit him. “Come with me please. You too Ando-san.” 

Teachers. Cops. They were all the same.  

 

* * *

 

Kanji had been in the faculty office all afternoon, being lectured on fighting. Ando had been doing his best to play the victim, saying how Kanji had just attacked him for no reason. It had pissed Kanji off. There was no point trying to explain what had happened though; no one would take him seriously - who’d believe it anyway? 

He would apparently get expelled if he was involved with any other incident; the school would apparently not tolerate violence.  _ Whatever. It wasn’t as though he hit the guy.  _ The bit that really pissed him off was the references to middle school about how his school file said that he was violent. Like those pricks knew what happened back then. 

He had contemplated going home after that. The entire day had been a fucking  _ joke _ and he was sick of it. He was sick of shitheads like Ando, he was sick of girls like that bitch from earlier. It was all because of that stupid bathhouse, and the other him that people were sayin’ all this crap about him. But… he had accepted what had happened, in there, right? It was all stuff that he had thought about before, stuff that he had to think about. That was the entire point of coming to school today, to sort stuff out. 

The corridors were getting quieter; most people who had after-school clubs had gone to them already, leaving only a few people hanging around. He went up to the second year classroom, but Yu and his friends weren’t in there. After sweeping the school, he eventually found them hanging out on the roof. He screwed up his courage and walked over to them, suddenly uneasy. They’d seen first hand what his other self had been like; they knew the details of the rumours.

They were surprisingly friendly towards him, though they were keen to interrogate him. Kanji managed to stumble his way through their questions; just like with the police it wasn’t as though he was trying to be evasive or nothin’, he just couldn’t really remember much about what happened. The questions about Naoto were especially difficult though for entirely different reasons; he felt his face get hot, especially when Chie wouldn’t drop that line of questioning, pestering him about everything they talked about and making it sound  _ weird  _ that he wanted to spend time with a guy. 

“I, uh… I don't really get it myself.” Kanji said, trying to defend himself; he felt oddly nervous around these guys. He thought about the girl he ran into in the corridor earlier, the way she had sneered at him. “Girls are so loud and obnoxious, so, y'know, I really don't like dealing with 'em. Guys are a lot more laid-back. So, uh, I started thinking, what if I'm the type who never gets interested in girls? And I couldn't accept that, so I kept spinning around and around in my head.” 

“Well, I can understand the part about feeling more relaxed around dudes.” Yosuke said, shrugging. Kanji looked at him oddly. He didn’t expect to hear that coming from him. 

“How are you feeling?” Yu asked breaking the brief silence. 

“I'm fine now.” Kanji responded. “I mean, it was all in my head, when y'get down to it. I was the one shutting out that stuff.” He felt that he needed to give an explanation, that it wasn’t his fault that he was weird. He took a deep breath. 

“So,” he hesitated, running a hand through his hair. “Our family's run a textile shop for generations. My parents are kinda weird. They say stuff like, ‘dyes are one with the universe,’  and ‘cloth is alive…’- that's the kinda house I grew up in. So I've been interested in sewing and stuff since I was a kid. But the second I say stuff like that, people look at me funny. Girls make fun of me, the people in the neighborhood treat me like I'm some zoo animal, so I was sick of everything. And when I got to my senses, I was running wild.” He was trying not to look at their faces as he spoke, instead finding an interesting part of the ground to fix on. He expected them to say something - they didn’t. He laughed nervously. He couldn’t believe he was saying all of this shit in front of people like Yosuke.   

“Shit, what's with me today? I'm going on and on about myself.” He looked up from the ground, meeting Yu’s gaze. “Forget all that. Man, I must look really lame right now.” 

The party shook their heads, and, oddly, he felt slightly better. He expected some sort of wisecrack or something, but he was thankful that there wasn’t one. He let out a relieved laugh. “I've never talked about any of this stuff before. Guess I never had anyone to tell it to. I guess I wasn't really afraid of girls. I was just scared of people in general. But all that's behind me.” It wasn’t… entirely true. He didn’t think he was afraid of girls at least. But it was true enough for now. Until he could properly think about it. 

“Wow, I'm surprised… You're a good kid…” Chie said. Kanji towered above her, drawing himself up to his full height. That was pushing it. 

“Don't call me a good kid…” Yosuke started laughing, but there didn't seem to be any malice in his voice either. Perhaps Kanji had misjudged him? 

“No need to get embarrassed. You're a big guy, you can take it. Hey, is there anything you remember after you ran into us the second time? You know, after you chased us away and said you were gonna take us down.” 

Kanji’s frowned, his brow furrowed in confusion. 

“Huh? Uhh… I went… I was gonna sleep it off in my room…” Something wasn’t quite right. A small detail was at the edge of his memory, elusive and annoying. “Wait, I think someone came…”

“To your house!? Who was it!?” Yosuke seemed excited, talking over him. Kanji began to doubt his memory; that night was so hazy.

“Uh, well, it was just a feeling I had; I dunno if anyone actually came. Other than that … I remember some weird, dark, entrance thing. When I woke up, I was laid out on the floor of that sauna place.” 

This got them all excited. They began throwing out suggestions as to what it was; oddly, “the dark entrance thing” being a TV was the one which was got them most riled up. They continued their interrogation, asking him about the police, anyone who had been to the house. It was giving him a headache. Too many people had asked him shit today. 

“Are you guys playing detective or somethin'?” 

“Mmm, well,  _ something  _ like that.” Chie looked at Yu, as if seeking permission to say more. 

“Anything I can do to help? If there's some bastard out there who put me through this, I ain't gonna rest until I make 'em pay.” There was someone behind this. Someone who put him through so much hell, and now he is having to live with it every damn day of his life. 

“Seriously? Awesome! You'd make a great addition to our team! Whaddaya say, Leader?” Yosuke had turned to Yu apparently oblivious to the looks he and Chie were sending each other. He turned to Kanji, and nodded.

Kanji grinned sheepishly. He felt like he belonged to something; it was a weird feeling but it made him feel pretty good about himself. 


	6. Chapter 6

16th June 2011

Kanji was excited about the upcoming camping trip, despite his attendance being mandatory and being downright threatened with being held back a year if he didn’t turn up.  _ That  _ pissed him off; he’d been making more of an effort to go to classes recently. His mother was delighted with his apparent new-found appreciation of school; he didn’t have the heart to tell her it was for the sole reason of being in regular contact with Yu and the others. In fact, he was trying to stay clear of her, especially after how he reacted when he thought she had been rushed to hospital. It was silly to look back on now, but it had shaken him something horrible. It brought back a lot of bad memories about his dad, how suddenly he had passed away. 

Kanji often debated whether forcing himself to go to school was worth it; whilst hanging out with his new friends was freakin’ awesome, the shit he had to put up with every day was starting to wear him down. There was no indication of anyone else about to appear on the midnight channel, so everyone was still fixated on him and what they thought they saw. 

The rumours around school were oddly inconsistent; a weird mix of him being a delinquent thug in a biker gang,  _ and _ being effeminately gay and having a boyfriend. The former was what he was used to; it got him shit with the teachers but also caused Yu to come and have a quiet word about him allegedly bullying people. The latter meant that every day he heard stupid comments and people staring at him like he was some sort of  _ freak. _

It had gotten to the point where they were pushin’ their luck, too. Ando and his cronies were the worst, apparently having singled him out as a target. The pricks were often waiting for him between classes in order to try and humiliate him, or make him lose his temper. They seemed to know that they could provoke him and he couldn’t do nothin’ about it without getting his ass hauled to detention. He thought about mentioning it to Yu, but it was too much hassle. This was his problem; as bad as it was, he could take care of it himself. 

Maybe it was because the guy was from the city, but there was something different about Yu. He wasn’t like anyone Kanji had met before. He was hella smart, and he just seemed to  _ get _ him. He didn’t mock him when he panicked at his Ma going to hospital, or when he agreed to help that kid out. 

Hanging out with the team was kinda fun, and almost made up for all of that crap at school. Kanji’s kidnap had ruined their current theory as to who was targeted next. To make up for it he’d shown them the book he’d confiscated from that kid in the canteen, and they came to the same conclusion he did; the numbers next to their names were dates, specifically the dates of their TV appearances. Everyone who had been thrown into the TV world had appeared on TV before their kidnap. Yu had also pointed out that people first appeared on the midnight channel before they  were kidnapped; the blurry image could be enough to rescue someone before they got thrown in. 

He’d kept an eye out for his senpai after school, as usual, but he didn’t see them. It was a bit awkward catching them sometimes as he was in the year below; they were probably getting some last minute shopping done for the trip tomorrow. They were expected to cook their own meals, after all, and if his previous conversations with Yosuke were anything to go by, they were likely unprepared. Seriously, how could the guy not have packed yet? He was all sorted; he’d made sure that he had enough supplies of animal crackers too. 

He’d tried to keep an eye out for Naoto as he made his way home, but the kid just wasn’t around. He didn’t attend his school, and despite Kanji living in the middle of the shopping district, he had never seen him in town. It was disappointing. He didn’t know what he’d say to him if he did run into him again, and even just thinking about it made his heart beat a little faster, but he still wanted to see him and talk to him. Just, hang out and stuff. 

Kanji felt that he had been denying something important. It had been bothering him ever since he’d been rescued from the bathhouse and he’d been trying to ignore it. Ever since he had met Naoto he had not been able to get him out of his head. His idle thoughts had been nagging him a lot lately. The more he thought about it, the more he was sure that his conclusion was painfully correct. This is what the guys at school said felt like when they were lovesick with a girl, wasn’t it? He didn’t expect the realisation to hit him as hard as it did. His shadow had been right. He liked guys, didn’t he?

All of the questioning he had done, all of the thoughts he had pushed aside to deal with later. He had a feeling he had known all along. He was just admitting it to himself. No, no there had to be something else. Like, ok, he had a crush. He had a crush on Naoto. He would admit that. He  _ had  _ admitted that. He’d thought about it a lot when he was in that bathhouse. He had  _ never  _ been into girls. Even when the boys around him were starting to get interested in them, he just… didn’t. Yukiko was beautiful, anyone with fucking eyes could see that, but unlike half the school he wasn’t interested in her. Not like some of the guys who fawned after her and daydreamed about passing the “Amagi challenge.” 

Kanji thought to what had happened in the bathhouse. The other him was him; he knew that, and had begrudgingly accepted it even though the way that guy had spoken and acted had irritated the hell out of him. His shadow had been exaggerated as hell. But a lot of what that guy had said, well, these were things that he had thought about. Things he had tried to hide by looking and acting tough. Everything that guy had said and stood for; that was him too. But,  _ he  _ was him. 

There was still something not quite sitting right. It was all a mess. How he felt, what he did, how other people saw him. Everything was mixed together in a tangled web and it was getting harder and harder to separate everything in his head.

His hobbies weren’t “boy’s hobbies.” He liked cooking and sewing and that hadn’t exactly made him popular at school, even as a kid, because “boys don’t do that.” That is why he changed himself after dad died, right? His father told him to be a man, so he had to become manly to mask what he truly enjoyed. Men didn’t sew. Men didn’t cook. 

So he changed himself to be manly. It would be a lie to say that he didn’t like some of his  façade  . He  _ liked  _ his look. He  _ liked  _ bleaching his hair, skulls were really  _ cool _ , and he had enjoyed adapting his clothes to make them look as  _ badass  _ as they did. It was a costume, a front, but hell, he enjoyed it sometimes. Looking that way made people scared of him, and if they were scared of him that meant that they weren’t makin’ fun of him. It wasn’t ideal; until Yu and his friends came along he’d been pretty lonely, but it was better than the alternative. 

Being into men wasn’t manly; being gay meant that you were effeminate and lisping, right? Everything his shadow had been. Having feminine hobbies like cooking and sewing meant that he was unmanly as a result. But his entire manner, his dress and attitude; they were manly. He was still a man. Even though he was into guys, he was still manly. 

Right? 

* * *

 

17th June 2011

The day hadn’t gone as badly as he’d anticipated. Despite being largely without teacher supervision, Ando and his friends didn’t seem to want to try their luck whilst they were on the side of the mountain. Plus, he’d enjoyed being out in the open air; it was so much cooler up there than down in the town, and the summer was fast approaching. The views were  _ awesome _ .     

Kanji sat down inside Yu and Yosuke’s tent. They were in mid conversation, so he waited patiently for them to finish. They apparently hadn’t had any dinner; who knew that Chie and Yukiko were such terrible cooks? If they’d have asked, he’d have cooked something for them. Kanji knew his way around the kitchen, and even camping he had managed to put together a half decent kare-raisu. 

“And how the hell did  _ you  _ end up here?” Yosuke asked him, sounding annoyed. So he was the type to get irritated when he hadn’t eaten, huh. Kanji shrugged.

“My teach threatened to hold me back a year if I didn't show. And my tent is all quiet, like someone died.” Well, it hadn’t been initially. There were some snide comments from the two guys he’d been made to pitch with, but it turns out those dickheads ain’t as macho when in such a confined space.  

“Well, if you were in there with 'em, I'm not surprised…” Yosuke said. He was joking, but Kanji couldn’t help thinking: _asshole. Like he knew what it was like_. He decided not to comment. There was supposed to be another guy in here, but he had apparently called in sick. 

“Is it okay if I hang out here?” Yosuke opened his mouth to comment but Kanji quickly cut him off. “Don't worry; I won't make any trouble for you. They won't catch me unless we raise a ruckus.” It was preferable, being with people he knew and trusted, to being in a tent with a coupla guys who looked terrified all the time.  _ Heh, I showed them. They’ll not call me a fag again any time soon.  _ Yosuke sighed and gestured to a suspiciously bumpy section of the tent.

“Alright, alright. You can sleep over there.” Kanji shot Yosuke an unimpressed look. 

“Dude, there's a huge rock under there. How'm I supposed to sleep? It's gonna hurt like hell.”

“Pipe down… Didn't you say you weren't going to make any noise?” Kanji scowled and reluctantly shuffled over to the area. His groundsheet did little to mask the hard edges of the rocks; he couldn’t lie on them and sitting there was painful. He shifted away from the worst of the bumps, tossing and turning, trying to find a section of the ground which was rock free. There wasn’t much of it, and Kanji was a tall guy. He was already practically lying on Yu’s groundsheet rather than his own as it was. He sat up, exasperated, and looked over to Yosuke.

“Yo, Senpai, can't you go just a little further back?” Yosuke shook his head.

“Nope. There's a slope just past here. I'd roll down the hill in my sleep. If you don't like it here, go back to the first-year tent.” There was an uncomfortable silence. Who the hell had pitched this thing? He tried again for a few moments, shuffling to get comfortable, lying on his side briefly before sitting up again. This wasn’t working. 

“Hey… wasn't your teacher some guy called King Moron? That guy stopped me outside earlier, and he pissed me off so bad I was about to lose it.” It wasn’t his fault either. That prick could make anyone lose their temper. “He was going on and on about when I was in middle school, when he doesn't know shit about any of that. Not only that, he was bullshitting about how I'll be expelled immediately if I cause trouble. That ain't funny, man.” It has been bothering him ever since he’d run into the asshole. He’d already said that he wouldn’t fight at school any more, hell, he was even putting up with Ando and those dickheads rather than showing them who they were messing with. And in any case, most of what was happening wasn’t his fault. He just wanted people to stop giving him shit.  

“Yeah, that guy's set a speed record for jumping to conclusions.” Yosuke said, sitting up to face him. Yu did the same. Kanji scowled. It was probably a good thing he hadn’t heard the most recent rumours about him, then. He’d probably be worse than Ando. 

Mr Morooka. Everyone seemed to hate that son of a bitch. Kanji had him constantly breathing down his neck, threatening him with exclusion; Yosuke said that he’d been exactly the same with him when he first moved to Inaba last year. There were also rumours that he had been bad mouthing the two women who had died, saying that  ‘It's no surprise that people who are unfaithful or run away from home meet a bad end’. Yosuke was visibly upset when he heard that, though consoled himself by eating Kanji’s animal crackers. Kanji was annoyed; he was looking forward to those.

Eventually the conversation died down and they tried again to go to sleep. Kanji got as close to Yu as he dared, trying in vain to find an area comfortable enough to sleep. Yosuke was having a similar problem to Kanji in that his space was no more suitable for lying on; he was practically lying on Yu’s groundsheet from the other side in an attempt not to roll down the slope.There was an awkward silence; Yosuke seemed to have something on his mind.

“Kanji…Why'd you come to this tent?” Kanji blinked slowly, confused. Hadn’t he already said why? 

“Huh? I already told you. Geez.” He had a sinking feeling in his stomach. Something was wrong. He sat up. “What's wrong with you?” Yosuke was hesitating. 

“This is as good a time as any, so… I-I want you to be honest with us.” 

“Uh… okay?” he had been honest; why did Yosuke think he hadn’t? Hell, these guys had seen some pretty private stuff about him, he didn’t really have anything to hide anyway. 

“Are you really… you know…?” 

“Am I really what.” It wasn’t a question; he was daring Yosuke to continue with that line of thought. He couldn’t help his voice hardening, lowering in anger. Yosuke didn’t seem to heed the warning, and continued.  

“What I mean is, uh… are we going to be safe with you?”

“What--!? Wh-Wh-What the hell's that supposed to mean!?” He felt a familiar surge of anger begin to swell in his chest and his cheeks go red.  _ The actual fuck? What, he heard the rumours that I’m gay and his first thought is that I’m gonna fucking rape him? _ Kanji felt betrayed; Yosuke was supposed to be his friend. “I already told you guys; I'm not like that!” he snapped, sitting up sharply, his shoulders tense.

“W-Well then why are you all hot and bothered about it!? That's just more suspicious!” Yosuke sat up too, facing him in the dark. He was raising his voice as well, indignant and defensive. Kanji shook his head, feel himself tremble with pent up rage. 

“Hell no! We settled this already, dammit! Right now, I'm…” He faltered, tripping over his words. “Well… How do I put it…?” He tried desperately to find an explanation, to try and put into words just what he had been tryin’ to work out for himself over the past however many days, weeks. He couldn’t think straight. He was too angry. 

His mind was racing. He wanted to say that he wasn’t sure, that he didn’t  _ think  _ he was gay because of what being gay kinda entailed, but he  _ might  _ be because he liked one particular person who happened to be a guy. But he didn’t think he was because he sure as hell wasn’t effeminate like the other him was. But the other him was him. He knew that. He decided against it; that wasn’t the sort of thing Yosuke would want to hear right now, right? If he made any sort of admission that he might like men, he would freak the fuck out.

“Oh God, don't train off like that! You're freaking me out!”

“I'm  _ trying  _ to tell you that I have no problem being around girls now!” Yeah, that was a good angle to go from. Plus it was kind of true. Though the ones giving him shit at school were fucking awful.

“Can you prove it!? 'Cause if you can't, we're gonna be stuck here all night, half scared to death.” Kanji felt hurt. It was painful to hear. These guys were supposed to be his friends; every since they rescued him from the sauna he had always expressed his gratitude, he trusted them. For the first time, felt part of something. Fucking Hanamura was ruining that. Kanji stood up and grabbed his tracksuit jacket.

“To hell with this. If that's what you really think of me, then I'm gonna go hit the girls' tent right now!” Yosuke’s expression changed; even in the dark Kanji saw that it had shifted to surprise. He didn’t care. He was already at the tent entrance. 

“Huh? Wait, well that's a little extreme! You don't have to go that far! They'll expel you if they find you!”

“Yeah? Like that'd stop a man like me!” Kanji wasn’t afraid of jerks like Morooka. Or Yosuke. If this is what he had to do to prove himself then he would. He was just so pissed off. Yosuke muttered to himself, turning to Yu, his eyes wide and panicked. 

“Hey man, you gotta stop him!” Yu sat up, and tried to placate him.

“Y'think I'm gonna put up with this crap!? I'll show you guys! To hell with King Moron! No one's stopping Kanji Tatsumi, dammit!” Kanji pulled the tent door open with a flourish and stormed out,  letting out an angry growl.

“Uh, hey! Wait!” Yosuke shouted after him but it was too late; he was already out of the tent. He stormed over to where he knew the girls were camped. He didn’t know what he was going to do when he got there, but Chie and Yukiko; they would understand, right?   

* * *

 

18 th June 2011

Stupid  _ fucking  _ Hanamura. He’d been looking forward to the camping trip, and that prick had gone and ruined it. First that entire bullshit in the tents, then being an asshole by the river. This is why he didn’t like dudes like him.

The entire thing had been a mess. He didn’t remember the latter end of yesterday’s evening very well; after storming out of the tent in a fit of rage everything got a little blurry. He’d awoken in Yu’s tent the next morning with a splitting headache, a stiff back and in a foul mood. It turns out he did end up sleeping on the lumpy bits after all. 

The day hadn’t improved after Hanamura suggested going to the river. They had stood on the edge of an outcrop over a spring pool for ages, debating whether to swim or not. The girls obviously didn’t want to go into the water, and Kanji was way too stiff to swim after such a terrible night’s sleep. He didn’t even bother changing into his swim shorts when Yu and Hanamura did. Hanamura was pretty insistent with Yukiko and Chie though, and had coerced them into changing. Kanji had no idea why they “owed” Hanamura anything, and the girls were very tight lipped on the subject. 

As much as the guy was pissing him off, he had to admit that Yukiko had looked… cute… in her swimsuit. Seeing her like that had made him pause for thought. She was going to be very beautiful when she got older. She didn’t make him feel the way Naoto did, but he would be lying if he said that he didn’t appreciate what he saw. Hell knows what that meant. Was he getting interested in girls...? But if he was, would that change how he felt about Naoto? Huh. 

There was a certain satisfaction in watching Hanamura getting shoved into the icy water for being a dick, but even that was short lived when he was also pushed in. He still didn’t know why Chie had blamed  _ him  _ as well. He didn’t do nothing. It was all Hanamura’s fault. 

Still, it was all over with and they were finally back in Inaba. Chie and Yukiko hadn’t been in a conversational mood on the journey back, though they were quite happy to talk amongst themselves, and Hanamura had been sulking. Kanji noticed that Mr Morooka was looking worse for wear, his face pale; he looked about to be ill every time the train jolted over the tracks. 

Once back in town, Kanji parted ways with them pretty quickly and headed home. He kept an eye out for Naoto, but as usual he didn’t spot him. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

22nd June 2011

As quickly as they started, people stopped talking about Kanji Tatsumi. There were very few rumours being circulated about him being in a biker gang, and even fewer about his sexual preferences. The whispers and snide comments which had followed him for his entire life, and increased tenfold in the past six weeks, had so abruptly stopped it was almost uncanny; being on the defensive all the time had been a part of his daily existence he had come to expect. 

It wasn’t because they had gotten bored though; merely something more interesting had come along. There had been a rumour around town over the past few days that an idol was coming to Inaba. She’d been on the news the other night, being interviewed as to why she was taking a break from showbiz and whether she’d be giving up her career. Kanji wasn't particularly bothered or interested, he wasn't into idols or music or nothin’, so the name Risette meant very little to him. He only caught the story because his Ma had the TV on whilst they ate dinner. 

The rumour had the effect of making the shopping district absolutely heaving with people, especially around Marukyu Tofu. The walk to school was becoming especially difficult; ever since that news special aired he was having to fight his way through throngs of people to get past the tofu shop. Everyone stood in a mob, craning their necks to catch a glimpse of the famous idol. Kanji never stopped to have a look; who cares about some girl? She probably wasn’t even there anyway. 

Chie had patiently explained who Rise Kujikawa was the next day at school, and why she was such a big deal. She was a local girl who had made it big a couple of years ago, and had a lucrative career ahead of her. She’d apparently even been cast in a movie; her announced hiatus had come as a shock to everyone. 

Yosuke was also apparently a fan of hers, going on and on about how attractive she was, exactly what he liked about her.  _ ”Her curves, her posture, even her beautiful slim legs… _ ” Kanji had given Yosuke an unimpressed glance. Sure, it was  _ manly  _ to be like that about a girl, and loadsa people were being like that about Risette, but it just sounded creepy the way Yosuke said it. Kanji didn’t get it. Everyone was making such a buzz around school. The girls wanted to be like her and the boys were completely enamoured with her. According to Yu it even got Ms Kashiwagi jealous; she had apparently gone on a rant whilst teaching the second years, and called Risette “inexperienced jailbait” that no one should get excited about. A freakin’  _ teacher  _ trying to compete with an idol around thirty years her junior. 

In any case, Risette had appeared on the midnight channel. The image was really faint and hard to make out; it was a girl in a bikini. Yosuke swore that it was Risette who appeared; Kanji was happy to take his word for it. Dude spent long enough staring at her body to know the details, he was bound to know. 

The next day at school they had come up with a battle plan. Kanji couldn’t remember whose idea it was, but the entire team ended up going to Marukyu Tofu in order to try to warn to her. Chie said they had tried to do this with him too; they had seen a blurry outline of a guy on the midnight channel, worked out who it was, and tried to keep an eye on him before he could get kidnapped. Kanji thought back to the first time he met these guys; it did explain why Chie and Yosuke were following him the day he met Naoto, and why he ran into them again outside of his home. 

A plainclothes cop was doing traffic control outside of Marukyu Tofu. Kanji was familiar with most of the police force; this was a relatively new guy, transferred from the city earlier this year. Kanji tried to talk to him about Rise, but Mr Adachi seemed nervous and quickly made his excuses to leave. He was replaced by Detective Dojima who had no such fear talking to Kanji. Huh. Kanji didn’t realise that he was Yu’s uncle; he only vaguely knew him. Whilst it was rare for a detective to be sent to reprimand him after the many occasions he’d been hauled into the station, the Inaba police force wasn’t that big so he’d unofficially met most people. The old guy hadn't seemed too happy that his nephew was hanging out with the likes of him. Whatever, he wasn’t doin’ nothin. Plus, Kanji liked Yu. He was a decent guy. 

Detective Dojima had told them not to bother Rise too much, that this place was her home first and foremost. Kanji couldn’t argue with that; it had pissed him off when those reporters were hanging around the textile shop after the biker incident. Still, they had come this far to talk to her, they might as well try. One thing Kanji had noticed about the investigation team is that whilst they were kinda proactive in some ways, when it actually came to upfront talking to people they  _ really  _ sucked. Yosuke was especially bad, dithering and hanging back at the Tofu shop, completely star struck, trying to think of an excuse to talk to Risette. Kanji rolled his eyes; he wasn’t gonna have any of it; he just walked up to the one lady in there and asked to speak to Rise.They had gone under the guise of buying some tofu as to not appear suspicious; Kanji had given Yosuke a crash course in the different types of Tofu the place sold. How on earth had this guy reached the age of seventeen and not know this stuff? 

The lady had turned out to be Rise. She was so unlike the girl Chie had told him about; Kanji had expected someone bouncy and energetic, not quiet and subdued. It had been a chance to get even with Yosuke as well. The guy was absolutely smitten and had no idea how to talk to her. Kanji had taken particular delight in “letting slip” everything Yosuke had said about Risette’s curves. 

Yu was surprisingly candid about everything; telling Rise about the midnight channel, about the kidnappings in Inaba, and asked her outright if she had seen anything unusual. Kanji wished they had done the same with him; he’d have been more on his guard if there was this stuff going down. Maybe the bastard wouldn’t have been able to attack him the way he did. Rise answered their questions plainly in return, but was adamant that the figure on the midnight channel was not her. She didn’t own a swimsuit like the one the girl on the midnight channel was wearing, and apparently her bust wasn’t as big as it had appeared. Kanji hadn’t noticed. 

They left, with a plan to return the next day at Yosuke’s request. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

23rd June 2011

The figure on the Midnight channel had got clearer last night; a figure of a girl in a yellow bikini, hair pulled into pigtails. Despite what Rise said yesterday, that was  _ definitely  _ her on TV. Even Kanji was sure of it, though the girl on TV was a lot  _ creepier  _ than the girl they had met yesterday. The way the figure was moving just seemed unnatural.  

Kanji had thought about the kidnappings, and there was just something about the entire thing which didn’t make sense. It was seriously bugging him. He could understand why someone would target  _ him _ ; loadsa people probably would be happy to have him taught a lesson, but targeting people like Yukiko and now this Rise girl? That just didn’t sit right. They couldn’t have made people hate them so much they wanted to see them hurt, or killed. Like, he’d been fightin’ gangs and shit since middle school. He musta upset a lotta important people. But he couldn’t imagine Yukiko upsetting  _ anyone  _ to the point of murder. 

The plan was to stakeout at the shop and catch the kidnapper red handed. They had gone to the supermarket to get some food beforehand, and ran into that cop, Adachi. Unlike most cops Kanji had met, he seemed willing to listen to them. Hell, he even agreed with their plan to hang out in front of the shop all day. He’d decided to come with them, though, for their safety. Kanji had to admit, it would be useful to have a cop on side should they need to apprehend someone. 

There was still a mob outside of the tofu shop; once they confirmed that Rise was inside, they tried to blend in with the crowd and keep an eye out for anyone suspicious. It was freakin’  _ tedious _ . Kanji was soon bored out of his mind. Hanging around was insufferably dull, and they couldn’t even talk that much to each other for fear of missing something important. They had broken off into pairs, and Kanji had drawn the short straw of getting Yosuke as his partner. Yu was further up ahead with Adachi, and Yukiko and Chie were hanging back outside of the shop entrance. 

After an hour or so of walking up and down the street in front of the shop, he saw someone out of the corner of his eye. They weren’t weird in and of themselves except for the fact that they were halfway up a telephone pole. Hey- 

“What the  _ hell  _ are you doin’?!” Kanji shouted, his voice loud and powerful, ringing out over the excited murmur of the crowd. Yosuke snapped his head up at the sudden noise and looked to where Kanji was gesturing. The man heard him, startled, and almost lost his grip; he looked decidedly unbalanced, wobbling on the top of the pole.  He was a portly, bespectacled middle aged man, with an old fashioned camera slung around his neck. He was looking directly into the upper levels of the tofu shop. He panicked at Kanji’s shout, almost dropping the camera. Yeah, that asshole he looked like someone who would kidnap women. That sonnova bitch! Was this the  _ bastard  _ who pushed him into the TV as well?! And gone after Yukiko, Saki-senpai and Ms Yamano too… that sick fuck. Kanji was going to  _ end  _ him.

The man, realising he’d been caught, slid down the telephone pole and broke into a run as soon as he hit the ground; he was surprisingly quick on his feet for someone of his size and stature. 

“Get back here! Stop running, dammit!” Kanji growled, already giving chase, his long legs working up to a full sprint. He quickly closed the distance between them, ready to tackle him. The man reached the road, stopped and turned to face him. His beady eyes were wide with fear and his cheeks red from exertion. Kanji could hear the others catching up. His hands were balled into fists; he was ready to launch himself at the guy and start breaking things. Anything.  _ I’ll break his fucking face!  _ The guy held his hands in front of him as a barrier. Kanji could see his limbs shaking. 

“D-don’t c-come near me!”

“Shaddup!” Kanji snarled, his shoulders tense. “What kinda idiot would listen to-” The guy interrupted him, edging back onto the road. 

**“** I-I'll do it, you know! What're you gonna do if I get run over!?” Traffic was hurtling past him, dangerously close; because of Rise’s popularity there was more cars on the road than usual. The rest of the group had caught up. They needed to incapacitate him. There was no way they were letting him hurt himself in order to avoid what was coming to him. Kanji could vaguely hear Adachi saying something, out of breath, but his attention was focussed on the bastard in front of him.

“Are you the kidnapper?!” Chie shouted, her temper flaring. The guy was frantically shaking his head, gripping his camera close to his chest. Kanji could see the sweat beading on his forehead.  

“I will walk into traffic! I’ll do it!” Kanji cast a sideways glance at Yosuke who seemed to have the same idea as Kanji; his body was tense, his shoulders hunched. They waited until a delivery truck passed them, the road was briefly clear. Three- two- one-

They launched forward simultaneously, Kanji sprinting to get behind the guy and tackle him to the ground on the pavement rather than in the middle of the street. The bastard barely put up any resistance; he hadn’t anticipated getting the full brunt of Kanji’s force, and went down easily. Kanji pinned him to the concrete, kneeling on the guys back, holding him limbs down. He’d been in enough fights to no not to give the opponent any sort of advantage. Yosuke joined in, pinning the guy’s legs, making sure the guy couldn’t flail about or kick them. He was protesting, screaming that they were assaulting an ordinary citizen. Kanji snapped at him to shut it. 

“We caught him stalking Rise!” Chie told Adachi. “He’s the one who has been killing people!” The guy began to protest, saying he was innocent, that he just was taking some pictures. “It’s no use playing dumb!” she snapped. 

“Yep, you're the culprit, all right.” Adachi said, his expression shifting from looking worried to looking pleased, smiling at Kanji and Yosuke as he approached. “No two ways about it. All right, I'll take it from here.” 

They carefully got up, Kanji maintaining a grip on the guy’s collar. He hurled him to his feet in one rough movement, not giving him a chance to bolt. The guy choked slightly, her shirt collar cutting into his neck, but Kanji didn’t relax his grip. Bastard deserved it. 

“We'll hear your story down at the station!” Adachi said, giggling slightly. He coughed, slightly embarrassed, but couldn't keep the smile from his voice. “Oh, how I've waited to use that line!” He reached for his handcuffs and carefully cuffed the guy’s hands behind his back. With a firm grip on the guy’s shoulders he began to lead him away. The commotion had garnered some attention from the crowd. Adachi was ignoring the stares and whispers of the onlookers, patiently reciting the guy’s rights, explaining that he was arrested under suspicion of murder. The guy was starting to cry, blubbering tears streaming down his cheeks, wailing that he was innocent, that what he was doing wasn’t illegal in any way. Kanji knew what that felt like, but he didn’t feel sorry for the guy, he felt a sense of justice and retribution. He smirked. He hoped the bastard got what was coming to him. 

“Looks like the killer was a pervert, just like we thought.” Chie said, watching the scene with her hands on her hips. “Wait… does this mean the case is closed?” She sounded elated. 

“Hey we should give Rise the good news!” Yosuke said, obviously keen to speak to his idol again. The four of them headed into the Tofu shop.  

Rise was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

 

24th June 2011

Kanji thought that they had prevented Rise’s kidnap; seeing the midnight channel was a surprise.  They did everything they could to prevent it, he knew that, but he couldn’t help but feel a pang of disappointment that even after they chased and apprehended a guy, it wasn't enough. It turned out the bastard they had tackled was just your regular peeping tom, not the killer. 

He had never seen the midnight channel in it’s full glory before, so he didn’t really know what to expect. It had surprised him when the TV had flickered into life, the sound crackling and loud pounding music began to play. It was so dramatically different from the blurry, static filled images of the past few rainy nights. It looked exactly like a low budget, late night TV show, from the stage to the lights, everything a psychedelic purple and neon yellow. Was this what  _ his  _ midnight channel was like; did it have the same late night TV appearance? Was it as carnal? He thought back to being trapped inside the bathhouse, watching in horror as his Shadow paraded himself as if he was in front of a camera crew, appealing for men, for sex. He felt a surge of empathy for Rise; she was probably going through the same thing. 

Her show was very... sexual. The way her shadow moved and acted, it made him uncomfortable. She was leaning forward, showing her exaggerated chest, before snapping her body backwards to display her legs, her thighs. Were other people watching this? Watching her shadow display her body like this, against her will?  

"Good evening, good evening! I'm Rise Kujikawa! “ The girl on TV said, waving at the camera. Her voice had an echoey, musical quality, but there was something so sinister about it. Kanji felt the hairs on the back of his neck start to rise. “This spring, one young girl levels up to become a high school idol! So today, I'm gonna celebrate by pushing the limits of Standards & Practices! Does everybody know what time it is? Showtime! Show what, huh?” 

She giggled, her hand over her mouth, suddenly looking coquettish. “Every-thing!” She squealed in delight and mock embarrassment. “How embarrassing! Is this too hot for TV!? Well, if a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing all the way! I'm gonna bare it all for you! Stay tuned!

The image on the TV flickered away, leaving the usual black screen. They had to get her out of there. Oh hell, they had to save her quickly. Kanji knew what it was like to be so powerless against your Shadow as they used your  _ voice _ , your  _ face  _ to say things about you. And even if they got her out, if they were too late then who knows what else her Shadow would have done in the meantime. Kanji’s had revealed a part of himself he had been denying, and he’d had to deal with hell as a result. Sure, Rise was an idol, but if her Shadow did what it was threatening to, then she would have to deal with the same. Or worse. 

How many people were watching this? How many people were enjoying what they saw, waiting in anticipation for Risette revealing herself. How many of the sick fucks were getting pleasure from this? Or jerking off? He briefly thought to Yosuke. Nah, the guy is a perverted dick, but he wouldn’t stoop so low, would he? 

His phone began to ring; Yu’s name was on the display. Kanji flicked the phone open. 

“Hello? Yeah, Senpai, it’s me.” Kanji listened intently as Yu outlined a plan. They were going to meet at Junes tomorrow and go into the TV to rescue her. Kanji nodded, and made grunting noises of agreement. 

“Uh huh. Yeah. Sure. See you tomorrow.” Yu hung up. Kanji sat on the sofa in the living room, and ran his hands through his hair. He let out an annoyed groan before leaning forwards, resting his forehead on his hands, thinking hard. He hadn’t anticipated needing to go back into the TV. In fact, he hadn’t thought much about what the guys did when they went in to rescue people. But it made sense; they did go in to save him. The thought of going back into the sauna was making him feel slightly sick and anxious. 

He shook his head at the thought and clenched his teeth. This wasn’t like him. He was Kanji Tatsumi, dammit. He  _ wasn’t  _ scared of going back to that place. He wasn’t scared of anything. He certainly wasn’t afraid of going into the TV and kicking some serious ass. 

* * *

 

?? June 2011

The glimpse of Maru-Q Striptease on Rise’s midnight channel did little to prepare him for the actual reality of the place. It was a strip joint; or at least the  façade  of one. The low budget, made-for-TV appearance was even more apparent now that he could see it properly. Everything about that place was cheap, from the pink-and-purple carpet and matching wallpaper, to the godawful neon strip lights. Tube lights were formed into outlines of naked women, standing, beckoning, sitting, flashing on and off. Behind every wall he could see how artificial it all was; there wasn’t a proper ceiling, behind the yellow strip lights and tacky chandeliers TV spotlights and rigging lurked in the shadows. 

Along every wall there were posters of Risette, each advertising her upcoming striptease in bright text. She was going to “bare it all for TV”, “show every last inch” and more. The poses she was pulling in the posters, wearing skimpy outfits or her underwear, were revealing to the point of ridiculousness. Kanji could feel himself blushing. He tried not to look at them too much. 

Most prominent of all was the music. The repeating refrain had a deep, pounding bassline, thumping over and over. It made Kanji’s ears ring, and was giving him one hell of a headache, worse than being in this place usually did. As they ventured deeper into the strip joint the louder it seemed to get. 

It was huge too. Every corridor ended with a heavy purple curtain, a projection of a heart or lips shining on it, only to be pulled aside to reveal more of the same beyond. It was never ending. Purple corridor after purple corridor. Posters. Lights. Pole-dancing poles. Stages. Kanji had flashbacks back to the bathhouse, how it was room after room of hot coals and benches, all lacquered wood and steam. At least it wasn’t hot in here. Every time he thought they were getting close to where Rise was being held, egged on by Rise’s Shadow, more of the strip club seemed to materialise. The fog surrounded them; even if they couldn’t see it, it drained them. The neon tube lighting didn’t illuminate much; it was hard to see in the place. The entire club was dark, shadowy, sleazy.

The other-Rise was keen to keep them company. Just like Kanji’s Shadow, she would frequently talk to them, her disembodied voice loud even over the pounding music. Kanji didn’t really know what Risette was like as a celebrity, but the way her Shadow acted was irritating as hell. She would frequently squeal and giggle, speaking in a high pitched sing-song voice.

“Today you're gonna see  _ every last inch  _ of me. What’s that? You don’t believe me? Just follow me a little further in and I’ll prove that I’m every bit as good as my word.” It was going too far. The disembodied roar of the crowd they heard in there was so loud; cheers of appreciation and anticipation. It made him feel sick. Even Yosuke commented that they had to do something fast. This was a thousand times worse than hearing a few nasty secrets. 

Kanji hated the thought of people watching him in the bathhouse, watching his other self parade around and expose his body, soliciting sex and male companionship. He hated people getting the wrong idea about him, though if they did he rarely tried to correct them, and seeing it happen to someone else was almost as bad. 

* * *

 

?? July 2011 

It had taken them ages but they had finally made it to where Rise was being kept. Yu pulled aside the heavy velvet curtain and revealed a huge room beyond. It was far larger than the room Kanji had been in. The music in here was much quieter than outside, though he could still feel the vibrations from the bass. At the far side there was a stage, a stripper pole standing in the middle of it. Rise and her Shadow were there. The shadow of Risette was standing tall next to the pole, her hands behind her back, wearing nothing but a tiny yellow bikini. Rise was kneeling on the ground, her head bowed. They were arguing; Kanji couldn’t hear the words initially, but he could see how Rise was shaking her head as if in pain. He recognised that broken movement. He remembered how he felt the same, completely at a loss as to how to overcome all of the things your Shadow was saying. It made him so angry. He curled his lips back into a snarl and took a decisive step forwards. He heard the others following after him. 

Rise’s Shadow turned and faced them as they ran towards her, her yellow eyes cruel and focussed despite her coy smile. 

“All eyes are on me now”

“Stop it,” Rise said, choking back tears. Her Shadow laughed, throwing her head back, making her pigtails bounce. 

“Aww what’s the matter? You wanna show your stuff don’tcha? How’s this?” Rise’s Shadow gracefully leaped back onto the stage, grabbing the pole with one hand and swinging herself around. She wrapped one leg around it and leaned back, stretching and laughing.

“Please stop this...”

Shadow Rise laughed again and gestured to the kneeling Rise. 

“Oh she wants me to stop!” She sneered. “That’s so funny! As if  _ that’s  _ even close to what you’re thinking, you little skank! You’re me, and, obviously, I’m you!” 

Rise protested, shaking her head, tears welling at the corners of her eyes. Her Shadow ignored her, gesturing once more to the group with a perfectly manicured hand. 

“C'mon, look! You can't tear your eyes away!” She ran her hands down her body, cupping her breasts, stroking her stomach as she leaned back on the pole. “This is me! This is who I really am! Not  _ Risette _ , the fake celebrity! Look at the girl right in front of you!” Her voice was desperate, full of anger and resentment under the coquettish flirting. Kanji couldn’t tell it wasn’t aimed at them or not. She’d seemed to have honed in on Yosuke and Yu. 

“I'm sick of being some airhead cliché who chokes down everything she's fed and takes it all with a smile! "Risette"? Who the hell is she? There's no such person in this world! I'm no one but myself!” “C'mon look at me!" Kanji looked away, casting a sideways glance to Yosuke who was blushing furiously, his mouth slightly agape as he stared at Rise’s Shadow. Rise, crumpled on the floor, lowered her head into her hands and began to cry. 

“And now, the moment you've been waiting for! It's time for me to show you every last inch of myself!” She giggled again, gesturing once again to Yosuke and Yu. “And for our guests in the front row, I'll give you  _ extra-special _ ,  _ extra-intense  _ service!" Yosuke finally found his voice, coughing, embarrassed.

"Looks like she had issues of her own after all” he muttered. “But we'll stop her from going berserk!" He was gripping his kunai tightly, his knuckles white. Kanji felt a shiver going down his spine. He rolled his shoulders, gripping the edge of the metal desk he’d bought for combat purposes. They would end this. 

The fight was over quickly, but hadn’t gone in the way they expected. Kanji had been in loadsa fights before; they were usually quick, dirty affairs, intense and short lived. And usually him against a gang. There was something odd about being in a group, coordinating their strikes. But it was finally over. 

She was weak, almost broken, but still stood tall when she accepted her Shadow. There was obviously more going in her head than he was aware of; her voice was quiet as she accepted her shadow as a part of her. She’d collapsed soon after, and he and Yosuke had helped carry her out of the strip club and into Junes. It was a relief to be away from the pounding music and into a place with proper lighting.

Yukiko and Chie offered to escort her home. Kanji went with them; he lived in the shopping district anyway and, after it became clear that she really wasn't in a fit state to walk, it made sense for him to carry her. She hardly weighed anything, but he still felt slightly uneasy carrying her through the streets of Inaba. They had gotten a few odd looks; after all it looked suspicious as hell to have someone like Kanji, a delinquent thug, carrying a barely conscious former idol through town. Yukiko and Chie helped to deflect any questions.

“She’s just tired!”

“She overdid it today.” 

“We are taking her home to her Grandma.”

They eventually made their way to Marukyu Tofu, Chie and Yukiko chatting happily. Kanji didn’t say much. It wasn’t particularly late; the midsummer sun was barely setting, and there were still a few people milling around the shopping district. Rise revived somewhat as they approached her Grandma’s shop, and even insisted on walking the last few feet. Something had been bothering Kanji; how on earth she had managed to get kidnapped in the middle of the day when there were so many people around? Surely someone must have seen something, raised the alarm? 

He began to ask her, but Yukiko quickly halted that line of questioning. He could see why; Rise looked exhausted. 

“Are you going to be okay?” Chie asked. Rise unsteadily walked up the front steps to the tofu shop. Leaning on the door slightly, she turned to face them. 

“I’ll be fine. Thank you.” 

“Hey, don’t mention it,” Chie said, smiling. “We’ll see you at school when you recover!”   

They parted ways after that. Kanji stretched, feeling his shoulder pop. That was better. He’d left his desk in a surreptitious location in Junes; as much as it was useful in a fight it was a bitch to carry around for any length of time, and nothing more suspicious than carrying furniture around from one end of town to the other. 

They hadn’t caught the killer, but they had rescued Rise. When she recovered, they would ask her more about what happened. 


	8. Chapter 8

8th July 2011

Kanji discovered quickly how irritating Rise could be. She had decided at some point since coming back to school that being subdued and sombre wasn’t really her, and had bounced back into being the enthusiastic and elaborate person her Shadow had been emulating. 

He was sat in the early morning sun outside school, enjoying the relative quiet before classes started. Despite the sheer volume of students passing through the gates, no one bothered him, hell, no one even dared to look his way. It suited him fine. He was letting his mind wander, feeling the sun on on his face.

“Kanji-kun!” a high pitched squeal rang through the courtyard, making him jump. Before he could turn round to the call of his name, slender arms were thrown around his shoulders from behind, and he felt himself being pulled backwards into an awkward hug. It could only be one person. He felt a hot blush rise on his cheeks as his head was pressed against Rise’s chest. He pulled away from her, flustered. 

“S-Stop callin’ me that!” he said, snapping his head around to face her, though not quite able to meet her eyes. “W-who said you could call me by my first name?!”

“Wow, kinda harsh, aren’t you.” Rise sat down next to him, grinning. She studied his face.“Hey, are you blushing?! Your face is all red!” 

“S-shut up!” He scowled at her in response, but could feel his face getting hotter regardless of his rising anger. She laughed loudly, tossing her head back. People began to pay attention to them, shooting them odd looks. “What do you want, Rise?” He growled, his hands balling into defensive fists. People staring at him like that was making him uncomfortable, and it was her fault.

“What’s with  _ you  _ this morning? What, do you have low blood pressure or something?” 

“That ain’t it!” 

She rolled her eyes at him, before glancing around, searching the crowds of students arriving at the gates. “Has Yu-senpai arrived yet?”  

“I ain’t seen him,” he muttered, looking at the ground. 

“Aw, I wanted to see him before school!” 

“He might have got here early. I dunno.” Kanji shrugged. The bell chimed to signal the start of classes. “I’m headin’ in.” 

“Oh, ok. I’ll come with you!” She stood up, brushing out creases in her skirt as she did so, before slinging her backpack over one shoulder. They walked into the building together, Rise still talking incessantly; she could carry on a conversation by herself, needing only minimal input from him. Sometimes even grunting was enough. They stopped briefly at the lockers to change their shoes; Rise’s was brightly decorated with stickers. “What are you doing for lunch? Wanna eat together?” 

“Uh… sure.” Kanji carefully placed his shoes into his locker. 

“I’ll see you at break!” She slipped on her indoor shoes and waved goodbye, before heading towards classroom 1-2; Kanji watched her disappear along the corridor, greeting a group of girls as she did so. He could still hear her enthusiastic chatter.

People were staring at him.

He tried to block them out. He was relieved he and Rise weren’t in the same class; people had already noticed that they were close and had started saying that they were dating. Meeting for lunch didn’t help quash these rumours. He’d noticed he had started getting a lot more cold looks from his male classmates, and sniggers from the girls. Some guys were even openly hostile to him about it, jealous that  _ Kanji  _ of all people had won Rise’s affections, even though in reality the possibility of it was so unlikely to be laughable. Some of these people were the same pricks who were spreadin’ shit about him being gay before, which made the situation even more absurd. 

He had noticed even in the brief time that she had been back to school that Rise seemed to enjoy being the centre of attention, which was lucky as attention naturally gravitated towards her. At first he was kinda jealous by the way she could so easily make friends; she had just turned up and everyone knew her name, wanted to talk to her and were seemingly showering her with affection. But as time went on, Kanji became aware of how  _ superficial  _ it all was. It wasn’t Rise who was overly fake; it was just that so few people saw past her Risette personality that she ended up giving people what they wanted. From what he had seen, she seemed to genuinely think the best of people and want them to get to know her. He kinda envied her for that; he didn’t let people get to know him.  

Not all of the attention she garnered was positive, though. Just like with him and the aftermath of his midnight channel, the rumours about her were prevalent. She could have people eating out of her hand in class, eagerly stopping to talk to her in the corridors, but her spell was broken when she wasn’t there. People were downright vicious when they spoke about her. There were rumours of her being in a striptease, going on subsidised dates with older men, sleeping with her agent. It didn’t matter a damn that there wasn’t any proof. The rumours were hurting Rise, just as they had hurt him. She maintained a  façade  of cheerful obliviousness at school, but he did notice the way she would freeze slightly and look hurt whenever anyone badmouthed her.

He’d stepped in when he heard two girls being particularly nasty, calling her fake, a slut, an attention seeking bitch.  He’d loomed above them, asking them to repeat themselves, and smirked in satisfaction when they turned pale and stammered something incoherent. Whatever Kanji thought about her, she was still his friend and part of the investigation team. Kanji wasn’t going to have  _ anyone  _ insulting his friends, even if “Risette” really grated on his nerves sometimes.

Lunchtime came around quickly. Rise was outside his classroom on the corridor, casually chatting to another girl. She looked up when he opened the door, and called out to him. 

“Hey! Kanji-kun!” He winced at the sound of his name being used so casually. Goddammit Rise. He scowled. 

“Uh, hey.” He walked over to them, standing awkwardly. The girl she was talking to was looking him up and down with a disapproving look in her eyes. This was stupid and embarrassing. His scowl deepened as he glared at her in return. Rise quickly looked between the two of them, and began to usher him away, hastily saying goodbye to her friend.

“What took you so long? Come on, let’s go!” They headed towards the roof. It was very hard to argue with Rise. She wasn’t forceful or anything, as if  _ that  _ would be a problem for a guy like him; it was just incredible hard to say no to her without feeling like a bastard. He would have been perfectly happy to spend it alone, and was kinda surprised that she would even want to be seen hanging out with him. 

He found out about the individual private lives of his classmates through Rise. Not that he cared for the most part; who had just confessed to who, which longstanding couple had broken up, and who had a secret crush was boring. But sometimes it paid to know about what other people were thinking, what everyone was talking about. Rise was dangerously perceptive as well as popular, and could sense moods and second guess motives behind a lot of what went on at school. Kanji was impressed, though dreaded days when she would turn that perception on him.  

“Oh come on Kanji, just let me know who he is!” Today’s topic of conversation was one of her favourites and one she revisited whenever it had been a slow news day; the mysterious subject of Kanji’s affections.

“Shut it, Rise.” He tried to focus on his boxed lunch, but couldn’t help watching her carefully out of the corner of his eye. 

“Oh, don’t be like that! Is he cute? Oh, did you get a nosebleed around him, like you did with Yukiko-senpai…?” Rise giggled and winked at him.

“I said  _ shut up _ , dammit! ...who blabbed about that?” Rise laughed and gently shoved his shoulder, shaking her head. He glared at her, pulling his shoulder away from her touch. She was immune to his scowl; she just tilted her head to one side, looking birdlike.  

“Aw, c’mon! Tell me!  _ Yosuke-senpai  _ knows and that’s not fair.” She was attempting to pout, but her eyes were bright, smiling. 

“Yosuke doesn’t know anything ‘bout it.” Kanji muttered. 

“Sure he does! He says and that he and Chie-senpai saw you talkin’ to someone! And he said that you were all “I wanna see you again...”” She tried to do an impression of his voice. She sounded ridiculous. 

“Yeah, well, that was… I…. uh… Shut up!” Kanji’s mind was drawing a blank. He had no defense against her, he had no idea what to say. He could feel an angry blush forming on his cheeks.  

“So who was he? A  _ mysterious stranger  _ huh?” 

“Rise…” He couldn’t help the desperate note in his voice. His face was red, he knew it. 

“Does he go to our school? Oh, we could set you up…!” 

“No, dammit!”

Initially Rise had said that it was “weird” that he liked guys, which had pissed him off, but after he snapped at her, and Yu had a quiet word, she seemed to come around to the idea. Either that, or the idea of him having a crush was more enticing an idea than her surprise at his supposed preference. 

It hadn’t taken long for her to find out about it; Yosuke hadn’t been quiet that there was  _ someone _ Kanji liked but had always stopped short in saying exactly who it was. The guy liked to belittle him; he was always cracking jokes at Kanji’s expense, asking him if random guys they saw was Kanji’s type. He didn’t even stop when Kani asked him if he  _ wanted  _ to be beaten up that badly. When Teddie revealed himself as having grown a body for the first time, the first words out of Yosuke’s mouth was if Kanji found him cute. He didn’t. Teddie was annoying, and, besides, he looked like he belonged in a host club.

“Aww, you’re just a meanie Kanji-kun!” She was pouting for real this time, but Kanji ignored her. He was willing the blush to leave his face, for his heartbeat to slow down to a reasonable rate. The last thing he wanted was Rise getting involved.

Naoto… how long had it been now since he first met him? He had to admit that he had been otherwise occupied over the last few weeks and hadn’t thought about him that much. It had been time consuming work, fighting to get to Rise out of the club. But now that was over, and they had no further leads to go on and were just waiting until the next midnight channel image, he had allowed himself to relax a little and think about the mysterious young man again. 

One recurring thought was what he was going to say if he saw him again. Fill him in on what had happened? Naoto  _ had  _ asked him if he had seen anything suspicious and the events of past however long had certainly qualified, but he obviously couldn’t say anything about the TV world. Why did Naoto want to know if he had seen anything anyway? 

Rise sighed at his stubborn silence, and picked up her boxed lunch. 

“Fine, don’t tell me then. You’re being unfair.” She began to eat, stabbing at her lunch with her chopsticks, casting him a suspicious look out of the corner of her eye. She was probably trying to gauge how to get the information from him. He ate too, trying to ignore her expression. He couldn’t give in to her on this. He’d never hear the end of it.

Perhaps he and Naoto could hang out again. Maybe go to Aiya. Would that be... a date? Did he  _ want  _ to go on a date with him? He felt familiar, confusing emotions begin to swell in his chest again. Naoto was just so damn bewildering to him. What happened in the sauna he couldn’t really deny. He knew he had a crush. He’d thought about kissing him and… other things, and he wanted to spend time with him too. 

It wasn’t important anyway. He had this crush with Naoto to deal with, and a persistent Rise to deflect. 

* * *

 

10th July 2011 

He’d heard the sirens in the small hours of the morning; two police cars tearing past his house, blue and red lights flashing. He awoke suddenly, sitting bolt upright in bed, his heart in his mouth. In that moment of waking he couldn’t remember they had saved Rise and he pictured her, body limp, hanging from a telephone pole. It made him feel sick to his stomach. Then, bit by bit, his memory caught up with him. No, they got her out. They fought her Shadow. They saved her. He’d been hanging out with her at school. She was his friend. 

He let out a shaky breath and grabbed his glasses from his bedside table and peered at the clock in his room. Something wasn’t right. He groaned and swung his legs out of bed. He opened the window and leaned out, gazing over the shopping district; it was foggy outside, though still incredibly warm. He could still hear the sirens in the distance.  _ The hell...?  _

He got dressed, gelling his hair back and leaving his glasses on the bathroom sink, and headed into the living room. It was 6am on a Sunday morning, yet the house was empty. He heard the shutters of the shop slide open-then-closed, and after a moment his mother appeared, dressed in a rose-pink kimono. She was pale. Kanji strode towards her, a look of worry on his face.

“Ma…?”

“Kanji-kun, there has been an accident…” Her voice was low and she looked visibly shaken. He felt his pulse quicken. No…  _ Rise _ …

“W-what? I mean- who?”

“Morooka-san. A teacher at your school.” 

She quickly told him what she had heard from Mrs Shiroku; Mr Morooka had been murdered. The police had found his body hanging upside down on a telephone pole, the back of his head caved in. Kanji sat down at the kitchen table. The shock of it made him feel sick. He had no love for teachers, and that one was especially a dick, but Kanji knew him and, for some reason, having the victim being someone you knew made it surreal and painful. This is what Yosuke must be feeling like about Saki-senpai. There were no school today so no one had a reason to be up early, but it didn’t take long for him to receive a phone call from Yu. They were meeting at Junes as soon as it opened. 

Despite it being foggy there were loads of people out on the street, talking, gossiping about the murder. As he passed Marukyu tofu he ran into Rise. She was pale, and asked in a small voice if he heard what had happened. He said that he had; she burst into tears. He awkwardly put a hand on her shoulder as she cried, hating the looks they were getting. He had no idea what to say, or how to console her. He never knew what you were supposed to do when girls cried. After a moment or two she stopped crying, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. 

“K...Kanji… what if it were me?”

“Huh?”

“I have only been out of that place a few days! If it had been any longer…” So she’d had the same thoughts as him. He didn’t know what to say. Rise gave him an odd look, and let out a half hearted laugh. 

“S-sorry. Come on, we have to meet Yu-senpai and the others, right?” She sniffed again, and rubbed under her eyes, correcting her smudged makeup. 

They were back at Junes. The fog had lifted and the day was scorching hot; Teddie had forgone his bear-suit and was wearing his newly bought Junes clothes instead. The entire Inaba police department must have been out on patrol that day; there were even cops in the food court. 

The killer had moved quickly; he must have known that they had managed to get Rise out of there and located his next victim almost immediately. Why King Moron? He just didn’t make sense as a victim. And they had watched the midnight channel and didn’t see anything. Chie was talking, trying to recap what they knew and what they could learn from this but Kanji was only partly paying attention, caught in thought. He saw something out of the corner of his eye. He looked up and saw a figure approaching them. He blinked in surprise. 

“Y-You…” It was Naoto. Hell, it was  _ Naoto _ . And he was looking annoyed, scowling at the party from under the brim of his hat. 

“There is no need to examine the case of Mr. Morooka any further.” Naoto said, his voice was cool, unimpressed. Kanji caught himself staring; he couldn’t help it. He looked away.

Naoto was there to tell them their game was over. The police had found a suspect, a student from another high school in Inaba, though he stopped short of saying what that kid’s name was. Kanji was tuning out; as much as he knew this stuff was important and that he should pay attention, he felt unable to concentrate. Too much had happened today, and now Naoto was here. He felt exhausted, and the immense summer heat wasn’t helping.  

“I'm on this case as a special investigator, by request of the prefectural police.” Naoto said. Kanji tuned back in. He was surprised, but couldn’t help but feel a slight sinking feeling in his stomach as he thought back to the first time they met.  _ I guess that’s why he wanted to meet me. He wasn’t interested in me. Figures.  _ He hated self pity; it wasn’t something he often indulged in,  but sometimes it crept up on you.

“Soon, this case will be solved, and your town will once again be its peaceful,  _ rustic  _ self.” 

“All right,” Yosuke said, annoyed, “so why come tell us? That's confidential info, right? Why run right here and spill it?” 

“Your "game" will soon reach its end. I felt I should at least let you know that.” No one said anything. Naoto smirked. “You don't deny, then, that you have involved yourselves in the matter? Well, no matter. I have no reason to say anything further.” 

Rise and Yosuke were visibly upset, both of them flustered at the accusation of them not taking the murders seriously. 

“A game…? Aren't you the one who thinks of this as a game?!” Rise said, her voice rising. “I don't care if you're a special investigator or an amateur sleuth! All  _ you're  _ doing is solving mysteries. What could  _ you  _ possibly know about us?  _ You're  _ the one who's playing a game here!” Her voice faltered, ending in a weak choking sound as she fought back tears. 

“One of the victims, she meant a lot to me. How could I possibly treat this like a game?” Yosuke said, his expression pained. Kanji could empathise; he, Rise and Yukiko nearly died in the TV world. If it hadn't been for Yu and the others if would be  _ them  _ hanging from the telephone poles. Yosuke wasn’t finished; he rounded on Naoto, his voice hard and sneering. “Oh, I get it. I was wondering why you'd be wandering around like this when the police have a suspect. What, did they get rid of you now that they have their man? Is that why you came here? You were  _ lonely _ ?” Naoto shrugged, not rising to the bait. 

“Detectives normally aren't involved with arrests. And we never harbour any special emotions regarding a case, either. Still, it is rather unfortunate that our people are only attentive as long as our services are required. But then, I'm accustomed to it. Much about this case was perplexing, but its solution was surprisingly simple. Well then, I'll be going now.” Kanji watched Naoto leave. He wanted to get up and follow him, to talk, but he had no idea what to say. There was a stunned silence in the group, broken only for the sound of the Junes jingle playing in the background. 

“What was that about? He just said his piece and left?” Chie asked. “He said they have a suspect, but is this really gonna solve everything?” 

Yosuke sighed. “Who knows…” It was painful that they had failed, that they had no idea that Mr Morooka would be next, that they didn’t know to go into the TV to save him. Even Teddie was confused; he said that he didn’t sense anyone in there, didn’t know that there was anyone to rescue. Naoto telling them to give up and not interfere any more... it deflated them. Even Chie who was so usually energetic and self-confident, sounded despondent when she suggested they go home. They were the only ones who could go into the midnight channel and rescue people, yet the police had a suspect and had solved the entire thing. 

They parted ways soon after. Kanji headed home; he was exhausted. He was silent throughout dinner; his Ma didn’t pester him either. She didn’t even talk to him about her day. He decided to have an early night. 

Everything had just happened at once. Morooka’s murder, Naoto turning up again; he felt numb from it all. Also, Naoto’s attitude had confused him. He seemed to different from the attentive young man Kanji had spent an afternoon chatting with; he was focussed and cold. It sent a shiver down his spine. Something that he said was eating away at him as well. Kanji didn’t know why, but there was something about that tone, about being used to being cast aside, that made him want to… want to do  _ something _ . He wanted to tell him it was ok. Or that he understood, dammit. Kanji knew about being lonely, and there is something in Naoto’s tone that felt achingly familiar. 

* * *

 

26th July 2011 

Mr Morooka’s killer appeared on the midnight channel. The image had been blurry at first; Kanji could just about make out that it was a boy, a highschooler as Naoto had said. He didn’t recognise him though, and he didn’t look to be wearing a school uniform. As the days passed the image got clearer and clearer; taunting anyone and everyone to come and get him. Catch him if they could. This sort of shit really pissed Kanji off. 

It had taken a bit of work, interrogating anyone they came across in the town to discover the boy’s identity. Kanji offered to help out more in their store in order to speak to the regulars. 

Mrs Shiroku came in almost daily and so she was a good person to start with; she didn’t buy much from the store, but she was a personal friend of Ma’s and would come in for tea and a chat. She owned a convenience store in the shopping district; she was a little old lady, chubby and jovial, but with a firm, no-nonsense streak. He’d known her all his life. 

She bustled in one afternoon, still wearing her apron and headscarf from working in the shop, carrying a small box of sweets for Ma.

“Oh, hello Kanji-kun! My, I haven’t seen you helping in the shop for  _ such  _ a long time. It is so  _ nice  _ to see you being serious about your future at long last! Is your mother around?” Kanji bit his tongue; he’d once tried to talk back to Mrs Shiroku when he was in elementary school and she’d smacked him upside the head before chasing him out of her shop. She wasn’t the type to give up this strategy just because he was 6’ tall and single handedly took down biker gangs on a semi-regular basis. 

“Uh, yeah, I’ll go get her. Uh, Shiroku-san? Can I ask you somethin’?”

“Of  _ course  _ you can, Kanji-kun! What is it?” She looked at him kindly, smiling. 

“Do you know anything about the highschooler the police are after? The one who… uh…”

“Oh! The serial killer?” She sounded far too happy. “Let me tell you! Boys like that are no good. No good at all. Never amount to anything. You had better not end up like that Kanji-kun. And stop bleaching your hair; you look like a thug.”    

Kanji scowled, running his hand back over his head, sweeping his hair back. “And stop scowling.”

“So… um… do you know anything?” he sighed. There really was no point arguing. 

“Hm, no. There are a lot of boys in Inaba. But that one, he is no good. The police will get him soon, you mark my words.” 

Ma appeared before Kanji could question further, and Mrs Shiroku was ushered into the back, still talking. Kanji could hear his mother making diplomatic, non-committal noises; he was very familiar with them. She’d used them often enough when making apologies for him. 

The rest of the evening was much of the same; despite questioning everyone who came into the shop, no one knew anything. He was getting frustrated. He wanted to go into the TV world, kick that shithead’s ass, and get out of there, not waste time talking to the neighbours. 

He went to bed, despondent. An entire evening was wasted and he was no further in helping Yu along. His phone rang, vibrating across the little table next to his bed. Yu’s name was on the display. He flicked it open. 

“Hello? Hey Senpai. Nah, I got nothin’. I asked everyone who came into the store but… No one knew anything, man.” He paused, listening. “Huh?! Souzai Daigaku? You’re kidding. Hah, that’s enough, right? We can find him with that?” He listened again, grinning. 

They were going into the TV. 

* * *

 

?? August 2011

Finding and apprehending Mitsuo Kubo had proven slightly harder than they’d anticipated; it had taken a hell of a lot of work to fight their way through his dungeon to get to him, more than what they had had to do to save Rise. The piece of shit didn’t  _ want  _ to get rescued and that was reflected in the Void Quest; everything was fighting to keep them out. It seemed to take forever to finally get to the Endgame where he was hiding. Kanji wasn’t a massive fan of videogames; the repetitive plink of the music got on his nerves, and the pixilated walls and decor had made his eyes go funny. The entire place had given him a headache. Still, it was better than the sauna, right? And a hell of a lot better than the strip club. 

Kanji’s first impression of Mitsuo was that he was a freaky-looking piece of shit. His eyes were strangely... lifeless. They were black and empty, without a spark of anything. It was like looking into the eyes of a dead fish. He was about Kanji’s age, maybe slightly older, but the way he behaved was ridiculously childish; he was in the middle of throwing a tantrum when they bashed open the pixilated door to his chamber. 

“You Mitsuo!? You better be ready to pay, you bastard!” Kanji shouted, cracking his knuckles. Kubo ignored him. He was screaming at his Shadow.

“Everyone gets on my nerves! That’s why I did it! What do you think of that?! Say something dammit!” The Shadow was silent, shoulders slumped, staring at the floor. “No one even thought of me after the first two people; that’s why I went for the third one. I killed them!” His Shadow still hadn’t said a word. Something wasn’t right.  “Wh...what are you all quiet for?

“Because... I feel nothing.”

“Wh-what are you talking about?! Make sense dammit!”

“I have nothing… I am nothing... and you are me.” 

“What!? What is that supposed to mean? I’m... I’m not nothing.” He suddenly seemed to become aware that he had an audience. Mitsuo spun round, eyes wide. “Wh-who are you guys? How did you get in here? Who the hell are you? What are you  _ doing  _ here?” His voice was all over the place, rough and unrestrained. 

“Shut the hell up!” Kanji shouted back, “we came after you!”

“Yeah! Aren’t you the murderer?” Chie asked, hopping from foot to foot. She was as eager to start a fight as he was. Mitsuo looked taken aback. His face broke out into a smile and he started to giggle. The giggle got louder, until it was a full blown laugh, utterly devoid of all humour. It made Kanji’s skin crawl. 

“Of course I am! I am the one behind everything!” He laughed again. His shadow was silent. Something  _ really  _ wasn’t right. Kanji could see the Shadow’s lips moving, but he couldn’t make out the words over Mitsuo’s laughter. Kanji watched him move, slowly walking to stand behind Mitsuo. Mitsuo didn’t notice. 

“Why’d you chase me in here?! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill all of you! I can do it you know! I can do anything!”

“...so, you don’t accept me?” The Shadow said, his voice hollow and empty, engulfing the room in smoke. 

Mitsuo, or rather, his Shadow, put up a hell of a fight.

Kanji was exhausted. Even wearing his summer uniform his skin was soaked in sweat, his muscles burning with exertion. He was beginning to regret using such heavy, blunt objects as weapons. Yukiko didn’t look as worn out.    

Mitsuo was lying on the ground in a heap, still laughing that eerie, humourless laugh. He refused to accept his Shadow, and answered any questions with an insolent giggle. He was not going to move of his own volition. Kanji sighed. This was such a fucking pain. But they had got him, which was the main thing. Finally caught the bastard who had killed Ms Yamano and Saki-senpai, and Mr Morooka. 

He and Yosuke hoisted Mitsuo up by his arms, pinning him between them. Kanji maintained a slightly-too-tight grip on his arms,  _ just  _ enough to bruise. They didn't really need to keep such a tight hold; he wasn’t resisting them, but like hell Kanji was giving him any opportunity to run away. 

Kanji wanted to feel happy about catching the guy, but there was a niggling feeling in the back of his head he couldn’t shake. This is the guy who pushed  _ him  _ in, right? Standing next to him now, holding onto Kubo’s arm, Kanji towered above him. He wondered how the hell Mitsuo had managed to overpower and subdue him. Like, the kid wasn’t small, he was about Yosuke's height and definitely heavier set, but he didn’t know like he looked how to fight properly. Also, didn’t the police say that Mr Morooka had his head caved in? Why didn’t he try that with him, or Rise or, hell, even Yukiko? Why did he just push them into the TV?

Eh, whatever. They had to have got the right guy this time, right? The kid was admitting to all of the murders, to Ms Yamano, Saki-senpai, Mr Morooka. They had to have got him.

They called the police as soon as they were out of the TV, and let them take it from there. Mitsuo was still laughing. 

 


	9. Chapter 9

1st September 2011

Kanji slid the door back from the classroom and headed out with the rest of the class. He thought the teachers would have been lenient considering it was the first day back, but they all seemed way too keen to jump straight into the second semester stuff. The PE teacher was particularly sadistic, making them run laps in the brutal end-of-summer heat. Kanji wasn’t bad at sports per se; he was naturally tall, fit and strong. It was just that he had no desire to play soccer, basketball, or pretty much any team sports, and it showed, much to the despair of Mr Kondo. 

Kanji’s saw his friends further ahead, busy talking to a small group of people outside of class 1-1. They all hadn’t gotten together in a while because of the long break; perhaps they could hang out after school? A sudden thought crossed his mind; they would probably stop hanging out as much now that the murders had stopped, wouldn’t they? Junes wasn’t even their special headquarters any more. He felt a wave of disappointment. He didn’t particularly want to go back to doing what he was doing before, just killing time until he could finally declare that he was done with school, but now that the murders had stopped, he couldn’t see much reason for the second years to want to spend time with him. 

He blinked in surprise when he recognised who they were talking to; Naoto was standing there, backed up against the classroom door, looking mildly pissed off. What the hell was  _ he  _ doing here? He was wearing their summer uniform as well. Had he been at their school all day, and Kanji hadn’t noticed? They must have been in different classes, but still, he thought Rise would have said something. She knew  _ everything  _ that was going on. The group weren’t talking to Naoto alone; two unimpressed looking girls, first years like him, were also there. They were glaring at Naoto. What the hell could he have said to them to make them so pissed off? 

Kanji briefly thought of turning tail and heading towards the practice building, but stopped himself. He wasn’t afraid of nothin’. 

“H-Hey guys. 'Sup?”  He was trying to keep the stammer out of his voice; Chie waved at him in greeting. The two girls looked up at him as he approached, their scowls at Naoto replaced with momentary looks of panic. 

“Uh, well, we’ll be going now,” one of the girls said, picking up her sports bag. Her friend nodded quickly, clutching her books close to her chest as the two of them hurried away. Naoto looked after them, and shrugged. He turned to Kanji, his face impassive, his expression neutral. 

“So we meet again. May I help you?” Kanji felt his mouth go dry.  _ Get it together man. He is jus’ talkin’ to you! Say something- anything! _

“Hey, Naoto-kun, if you’re not doing anything after school wanna come with us?” Chie asked, smiling gently. Kanji had never been so grateful to another person in his life. Naoto looked confused, his features shifting into a look of surprise. 

“Come with- you mean  _ me _ ?” He took a moment to think about it, then shook his head, lowering his gaze to the floor. “Perhaps another time, I have some things to mull over.” Kanji looked over to Rise; she was stood next to Yu, her hands behind her back. She had a strange, stoic expression on her face. 

“Things to mull over?” Rise asked, raising an eyebrow. Kanji could hear the bite in her voice. She was still pissed at him after that entire Junes thing, huh. Naoto didn’t seem to notice. 

“I must go straight home today; I promised my grandpa so.” He hadn’t looked up from the floor. 

“Grandpa?” Kanji asked, and immediately regretted doing so. He didn’t mean to blurt that out. Why did he always have to say the first dumb thing that came into his head? He’d never really thought about where Naoto was staying whilst he was in Inaba. It made sense that he had family in the area, but, his grandpa and not his parents…?

“Oh well, that’s that, then. Let’s hang out some other time,” Chie said, shrugging. Kanji thought about hanging back, seeing a chance to finally speak to Naoto alone, but decided against it. He had no idea what to say, plus it would all but confirm any suspicions Rise had, if she had any. It would be good to just hang out with Yu and everyone again, right? 

They bid Naoto goodbye. Chie and Yukiko headed towards the entrance to change their shoes, having already made the decision that they were going to Junes. Yosuke and Yu followed, Rise clinging to his arm. Kanji noticed that her demeanour had shifted back to her usual animated self. Kanji swore she winked at him as he passed. What the hell did that mean? Did she notice him hesitating around Naoto...? No, there was no way she knew. It was just his imagination. 

Rise was monopolising Yu’s time, giggling and flirting with him as they walked, while Chie and Yukiko seemed deep in conversation so that left him to walk with Yosuke. They didn’t talk about much; Kanji had no idea what to say to him. It wasn’t as if they had anything in common, especially now that the murders had stopped. They made their way to the top floor of the department store, to their usual seating area. In the distance, Kanji could see Teddie in the food court, dressed once again in his bear suit, entertaining the customers. Kanji had always wondered what Teddie did all day when they were at school. 

“Man, did you see Naoto’s attitude?” Yosuke said, wincing. “He sure blew his debut at school. Is he gonna be ok at Yasogami?”

“He  _ is  _ different, but he has this mysterious air that draws your attention,” Yukiko said, with an excited look in her eyes. That pissed Kanji off, and…. kinda worried him. This was the first time he had ever heard Yukiko actually take an interest in anyone at school. And it wasn’t as if she didn’t have the pick of the school to choose from; everyone had a thing for her. Of course Naoto was much more likely to be into her. Hell, Naoto had probably never even thought of liking guys. It had taken Kanji this long to accept it, and he had known for  _ years _ , looking back. He frowned. 

“Whoa Yukiko, I never knew! You like younger guys?” Yosuke said, his eyebrows raised in surprise.  

“No, that’s not what I meant!” Yukiko protested, blushing. She was oblivious to the look Kanji was giving her.

“Naoto said that he had “things to mull over,“ but he’s gotta be talking about the murder case.” Chie said. She sounded excited at the prospect. So, Chie was kinda bummed out that it was all over too, huh? Kanji leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. 

“He’s some ace detective right? I bet he’s not satisfied, even those the case is closed.” Yosuke said, shaking his head. 

“That’s true, but…” Chie looked despondent. Kanji kinda knew what she was feeling. As much as the murders were terrible, and the worst thing to have happened to the town in a long time, being part of a team workin’ to solve the mystery was freakin’ awesome. He was gonna miss it. Hell, even this wasn’t the same. 

It  _ was  _ over right? They had solved the mystery. All that was left to worry about was getting through the rest of the school year.

* * *

 

7th September 2011

It promised to be a scorching day. They hadn’t had any rain or fog in ages; whilst it was great to actually be able to see clearly in the town, the sticky,  _ oppressive  _ heat was an endurance test in its own right. Kanji and Yosuke walked to school together. The trip to Port Island was looming, and whilst Kanji was excited about a chance to leave Inaba, he was surprised to discover that Yosuke hadn't even planned for the trip. 

“You are  _ way  _ too excited about this.” Yosuke said, annoyance tinging his voice, “I mean, you're even worried about how many boxes of animal crackers to bring. We're only gonna be there for two nights, dude! Besides, I'm pretty sure they have convenience stores on Port Island.” He’d been in a foul mood all morning. Kanji had wondered what was up, but Yosuke had snapped at him when he’d asked.

“For serious!? I've never really left this place, so…” Kanji said, shrugging. Yosuke’s attitude was grating on his nerves. He stopped, and thought about it, frowning. “I wonder if the murders here got as much play over there, too. Like that Mitsuo Kubo dude. They're still showing him on TV here. Every time I switch on the tube, the news is showing like, what he wrote in his yearbook. Pisses me off, man.” 

“Uh, why does it bother  _ you  _ so bad?”

Kanji shook his head, trying to find the words to explain. It was something personal and close to him, about who he was and how he was perceived by everyone. 

“The frickin' media's slapping together anything they can find to make the dude look like a born criminal. People think they can say anythin' they want about a guy who's been branded a criminal… it's just not right.”

“Well, that’s just how it is. The guy is a  _ murderer _ ; you can’t just expect people not to make a big deal outta something like that.” Yosuke said. Kanji frowned. 

“Yeah, I know. I still hate the guy's guts.” He punched his palm for emphasis. “But, I dunno, after getting involved with all this, I started to realize how off-base most rumors are. It's so messed up…” he trailed off. The entire thing made him feel uncomfortable, uneasy. 

“Well I gotta admit, the news can be pretty out there,” Yosuke said. Kanji saw Yu up ahead.

“Mornin’ Senpai,”

“Yo. So, you ready for the trip yet? This guy won’t shut up about it” Yosuke said to Yu, rolling his eyes at Kanji. 

“Yosuke-senpai hasn’t even started packing,” Kanji retorted. “He was all “Was that tomorrow?” What’s up with that?” 

“Hey, it’s Naoto.” Yosuke said, cutting Kanji off. Naoto walking briskly towards them despite the heat, shirt buttoned up tightly, satchel in hand. Kanji felt a shiver go down his spine, his annoyance at Yosuke shifting into awkwardness.

“Yo, how’s it going?” Yosuke said, smiling for the first time that morning. Naoto came over, his face shadowed from the bright sunshine by the brim of his cap. His gaze met Kanji’s, and he smiled. It had been a whilst since Kanji had seen that. Oh god, he was cute. 

“Good morn-” 

“Oh yeah, I-I'm on duty today!” Kanji cut Naoto off, speaking slightly louder than intended. Everyone was staring at him. He felt his face go red. He let out a nervous laugh. “W-Well, see ya later!” He walked briskly from the group, shoulders tense, towards the shopping district. He could hear Yosuke talking, but quickly became too far away to hear the words. 

He had messed that up. Why couldn't had stayed and talked to him like a normal human being? Why did he have to run like that? He shook his head. Well, this changes now. From now on he wasn’t going to run away. He ain’t scared of nothin’. He was going to man up and hang out with Naoto. It was what he wanted, right? And instead of doing just that he was being a huge pussy. He let out a frustrated growl. He couldn’t go back now though. It would look too weird. “I’m on duty today!”  _ On duty for what, genius?   _ Kanji was furious at himself. This came outta nowhere. It was so stupid!

Naoto probably thought he was weird as hell, running off like that. Just like he ran off last time, chasing after Yosuke and Chie. Why did he always look like a freakin’ idiot?

Naoto would be on the trip tomorrow, right?  Well, that was a chance to actually get to know him. To hang out. The worst he could say was no. 

* * *

 

8th September 2011

Kanji freakin’ loved the city. It was an exciting change of pace. Yosuke had been right; there were convenience stores, a lot of them. In fact, almost one on every street. And a hell of a lot of vending machines; unlike the ones outside of Mrs Shiroku’s store, these ones actually  _ worked _ . He thought the shopping district could get busy, like at the summer festival, but that was nothing compared to how Port Island was on a normal day. And what’s more, no one gave him odd looks or commented on how he dressed or acted. No one knew who he was; no one assumed he was in a biker gang, or a fag, or anything.  

They hadn’t had much free time to explore though. The entire first day of the trip was spent at Gekkoukan High School. It was so much bigger and newer than Yasogami. There was some kind of holiday going on that day so the school was closed, and Kanji was awed by how big everything was, everything made even bigger for the emptiness. It must have thousands of students attending. Kanji didn’t care for school; he thought it to be a waste of time, but he had to admit that Gekkoukan looked like a pretty cool place. 

After their tour of Gekkoukan, and after the special classes that had been put on just for them, the first and second years had regrouped and had been led to a part of town Rise called Shirakawa Boulevard. Kanji hadn’t known what that meant and when he’d asked, Rise had just blushed and giggled. Senpai’s new homeroom teacher, Ms Kashiwagi, had chosen the hotel, and was extremely pleased with herself.

“Alrighty, here we are, the Seaside Clamshell Inn! We’ll be staying here tonight.” Ms Kashiwagi said, gesturing to the building behind them. Kanji looked at the building. The place had a sleazy, low budget feel to it, and reminded him in more than one way of Rise’s strip club.

“So what do you think? It was me who found this place. It opened not too long ago! It’s got that modern look and the price was right. Personally, I think it was an excellent choice!” Kanji was not impressed. He folded his arms in front of his chest. Rise had a hand in front of her mouth, stifling a giggle. Yukiko looked decidedly uncomfortable. 

“Dude, this totally looks like a Love-” Yosuke said in a frantic, hushed whisper to Yu. Ms Kashiwagi heard him. 

“You there! Don’t just stand there! Keep marching in!” Kanji shot a look to Rise, who was still giggling. She grinned at him, shrugged, and led the way into the hotel. Kanji saw Yu hang back, but didn't comment. He couldn’t blame the guy. 

Kanji was mildly uncomfortable as he checked in; a lot of his attention was focussed on trying hard not to look too closely at the decor. The clerk behind the counter didn’t seem entirely happy with a group of teenagers milling about in the lobby. 

“Right all of you, come here.” Ms Kashiwagi said, in a sing-song voice. “Second years, boys and girls, your lists of who is sharing with who is here,” she stuck two pieces of paper onto the wall,  “and first years, yours is here.” She did the same again. She had a small grin on her face. Had she had anything to do with the room order? If he was with Ando there’d be hell to pay. Kanji spotted him at the other end of the lobby with his asshole friends. He cast Kanji a hateful look, and looked away. Kanji returned the scowl. 

There was an initial surge to see who was with who. Kanji looked around. He saw Naoto at the back of the room, glancing around the place, a stricken expression on his face. 

“Your rooms have all been allocated for you,” Ms Kashiwagi said. “Every room has a waterbed, but be careful! If you switch the wrong switch when turning off the lights you bed will start spinning!” 

Kanji carefully made his way over to Naoto, not walking directly towards him but instead stalking around the mob of students. 

“H-hey,” Kanji said, self-consciously rubbing the back of his head. Naoto fixed his gaze firmly on Kanji. His arms were firmly crossed over his chest, a familiar defensive action. He didn’t look comfortable at all. “You ok, man? D-do you know what room you’re in yet?” Kanji asked. He knew how awkward he sounded, he just couldn’t think of anything to say. Naoto nodded, lowering his head to hide his eyes.  

“Yes. I have a private room on the first floor.” His voice was low, almost a whisper. 

“Private room?” Kanji blurted out. Naoto looked up at him, his gaze hard.  _ Is he… is he pissed off? What did I say?    _

“I have work to conduct whilst here, and I didn’t think it wise to disturb a roommate.”

“Oh. Right. Uh-”

“Did you want anything, Kanji-kun?” Naoto asked, sighing. Kanji wracked his brain for something to talk about. This wasn't going well. Say something… ask him to join you tomorrow when you have free time! 

“No, I, uh-” 

“Well then, I must go to my room. I have work to attend to. Goodnight.” Naoto nodded in parting, picked up his satchel and overnight bag and headed down the corridor. Kanji looked after him, and sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat. Why was he so shit at this? 

The lobby was slightly less busy now, students beginning to filter to their rooms. The other guests in the hotel had come out to see what all the commotion was, and they seemed extremely embarrassed at the sight of a group of teenagers checking in.

Kanji picked up his overnight bag and glanced over the first year room allocation list. He couldn't see Naoto’s name anywhere. Weird.  Kanji looked up his own name; he was rooming with another boy from his class. This guy had never given him any particular trouble in the past, nothing beyond a few sniggers and odd looks when Ando was giving him shit, anyway. As much as his ideal would have been to share with Yosuke and Yu again, it could have been worse. 

* * *

 

9th November 2011

Kanji was surprised to see Teddie at breakfast, dressed in his normal clothes and looking pleased with himself. He had apparently saved up his money working at Junes and followed them on the train, not wanting to be left behind. Yu had snuck him into the hotel last night, under the guise of being a stuffed toy. 

They had some free time that afternoon. The school recommended going on a factory tour, taking advantage of being in the city, but Rise had suggested going shopping instead, and then to a “great place” later. Kanji was keen to see the city; he was quick to agree with her.  

The “great place” Rise had been talking about was conveniently at Paulownia Mall, a place called Escapade. She’d led them in, telling them about how she had done a gig here a few years ago, and they were immediately greeted by the sudden blast of noise of a live band, and the sight of people dancing. Of course  _ Rise  _ would think a club was a great place to hang out. They really weren’t really Kanji’s thing, but he’d liked what he had seen of the city so far, so went in relatively high spirits. The alternative was hanging out in the love-hotel, and he liked that idea much less. 

The others were just as enthusiastic. Well, the girls anyway; Yosuke was still in a weird uncooperative mood. Chie and Yukiko were both in awe, their eyes wide and they took in the unfamiliar surroundings. Rise was in her element, eagerly showing the place off, bobbing her head in time to the music; Kanji had never seen her look so much at home.  

Out of the corner of his eye, Kanji spotted someone walking down a set of stairs near them. He recognised him immediately: the white, starched shirt; dark blue cap; Naoto. He turned his back, quickly trying to think of a game plan. Maybe it was ‘cause he was in a good mood, but the sight of Naoto didn’t send him into a panic as it had done yesterday at the hotel. He could feel a familiar blush rise on his cheeks, but it was dark; he didn’t think anyone would be able to notice. He heard the others talking to Naoto; Yukiko even asked him to join them. Kanji felt a twinge of jealousy. 

He turned back to face the group, feeling slightly more composed. Naoto was  _ blushing _ . There was no mistaking it. 

“Are you… asking me to stay?” Naoto looked surprised, his cheeks a deep red. Kanji smiled a little at the sight; Naoto was freakin’ adorable. But,  _ he  _ wanted to be the reason he looked like that, not Yukiko. 

“Uh-huh. We didn't get to chat last time.” Yukiko said, her arms behind her back.

“Ah… I… I-It's just that I had some matters to attend to that day.” Naoto looked flustered, and stuttered in response. He looked cute when he was caught off guard. Kanji quickly looked at Rise. She had been staring at him. She met his eyes, looked at Naoto, and back to him. She stepped forward.

“Well, you're free  _ now _ , right? I was really eager to talk to you. I'm curious how someone my age is working as a detective. What do you say?” Rise said, switching seamlessly into her Risette persona. Kanji furrowed his brow in confusion. Kanji  _ knew  _ that Rise didn’t particularly care for Naoto, and the last he knew she was pissed at him for being a jerk at Junes. She turned back to Kanji and grinned at him, scrunching her eyes as she did so. She’d worked it out. She  _ knew _ . 

“Hmmm… Very well, if you insist...” Naoto said, looking at the floor. 

“Huh? What's up? You look a little red…“ Yosuke said to Naoto, ducking down to look under Naoto’s cap. 

“Th-That's not true!” Naoto took a few steps backwards, turning his face away. Kanji wanted to grab Yosuke by his collar and yank him back.  

“Wait here. I'll go reserve the area upstairs for us.” Rise said, her hand on her hip, her head tilted to one side. She peered around as if searching for something, before heading towards the bar area. 

“…Wait, what!? Reserve!?” Yosuke said, teasing Naoto forgotten, taking a step or two after her.  

“Yep.” She saw his panicked look and laughed. “Don't  _ worry _ , I think I can pull some strings.” Rise skipped off. Kanji stood up tall and straightened his shoulders. Yosuke caught his eye, glanced at a nervous looking Naoto, and smirked. 

“What's wrong, man? Stomach pains?” he winked, folding his arms across his chest. Kanji scowled at him. He noticed that Naoto was looking over at them. 

“That ain't it.” Kanji said, way too quickly. 

“Whatever man,” Yosuke nudged his elbow. Rise came back after a moment, a well dressed middle aged man in tow. He led them up the stairs to the private VIP area of the club. 

* * *

 

That had been an… interesting evening. The private area felt very exclusive - it must have been extremely expensive; they even had a personal waiter bringing them their drinks. Rise had assured them that the club owed her a favour after a mishap at one of her shows two years ago. 

Kanji had spent a lot of the evening watching Naoto; they were sat more or less opposite each other, he couldn’t help it. Naoto hadn’t been very relaxed; the way he was watching Yukiko and Rise was oddly scrutinising. It gave him an air of contempt. Kanji had thought that Naoto had wanted to hang out with them socially, but as time went on it had became obvious to even him that he was waiting for them to slip up, to say something out of the ordinary. He hadn’t trusted them at all.

Whilst Kanji couldn’t work out what Naoto was thinking despite his best efforts, he could see  _ something  _ was being analysed. It was as though everything they did was being memorised, stored for later. Thankfully, Naoto hadn’t seemed to want to analyse him. He had seemed to be most suspicious of Yu than anything. 

Things had gone rapidly downhill when it appeared that Rise, Yukiko and Teddie’s drinks had been spiked. It had started out as a few slurred words and bit of swaying, but had gotten much worse as the evening progressed. Rise responded with being exuberant, Yukiko finding everything hilarious, and Teddie being overtly sexual in everything he said and did. Kanji had tasted their drinks once he suspected something was wrong, much to Rise’s indignance, but hadn’t been able to taste the alcohol in them at all. Naoto had been decidedly unimpressed throughout. 

The tipsy mood had paved the way for King’s Game. Kanji had never played it before, and after getting smooched by a very drunken and disorderly Teddie in the first round, didn’t particularly have any desire to play it again. After scruffing Teddie and hurling him to the bar to get some water, they made their way back to the group. 

They were still playing that stupid game.

“You didn't even draw a chopstick!” Yosuke said to Yukiko, looking indignant. She was stood leaning her legs against the table, brandishing a red chopstick, grinning, her face flushed a deep red. Teddie slunk back into his seat, and quickly forgot that he was unhappy with Kanji for removing him from the game. 

“Alright, then… Let's have someone talk about something  _ really  _ embarrassing that they'd never wanna tell  _ anyone _ !” Yukiko’s eyes were glassy as she looked around the room. ”Let's see… Ah! Naoto-kun! I choose  _ you _ !” Naoto sat up straight when his name was mentioned. Kanji couldn’t read his expression. 

“She's breaking all the rules. Just ignore her, Naoto.” Yosuke said. He didn’t look to be enjoying himself at all. 

“No… No, that won't be necessary.” Naoto said, tipping the brim of the hat upwards, showing more of his face. “One stipulation, though: If I do this, the rest of you must reveal "something" as well.” Kanji swore that he smirked when he said this. He was up to something. Kanji sat back in his usual seat opposite Naoto, listening intently. 

“Okaaay!” Yukiko said enthusiastically, swaying in her seat.

“No particularly embarrassing experiences come to mind. Would discussing my life be fair game? It's the rare situation like this that gives me call to speak of such things.” Naoto still had that small smile on his face. As much as it was suspicious, it was cute. 

“Damn… way to kill the mood…” Yosuke said, rolling his eyes. The mood  _ had  _ shifted somewhat. It was pensive, almost melancholic. A far cry from the giddy and silly atmosphere from a few moments ago. Not that Rise seemed to notice; she was still sat swaying in her seat. Kanji wondered how the hell they were going to get them home. 

“The Shirogane family has been detectives for generations now. We lend our powers to the police from time to time.” Naoto explained. 

“For generations? Wow, it's like that guy from a movie I watched before. What was his name… Kuzu…noha?” Chie said, sipping her drink. She genuinely seemed interested. 

“In days gone by, when there were no crime scene investigators, consulting detectives were considered more valuable. Thus, my grandfather still has a strong connection with the police and looks after me, despite my youth and inexperience. But investigators nowadays are well versed in science and medicine, so I must further my studies.”

“That sounds tough…” Yousuke said. he paused for a moment for Naoto to continue. Naoto shrugged, done with his story.  “…That's it? No punch line?” Kanji had to admit, he had been expecting more. 

“Um, I fear you may be looking to the wrong person for that.” Naoto said, looking down. 

“That's  _ so  _ embarrassing! Isn't Naoto-kun  _ embarrassing _ ?” Yukiko obviously hadn't been listening. She let out a weird laugh, before descending into a fit of giggles. 

“I wanna go home.” Yosuke said, looking thoroughly fed up. 

“Phew… I'm sleepy.” Rise said. She leant back against the soft plush bench and closed her eyes. She looked fast asleep. Kanji guessed he was going to be carrying her home, then.  

“Well then, it's your turn now.” Naoto said, smiling again. “A straight answer, please. What is your true involvement with the murder case?” So that was his game. Kanji straightened his jaw. He had no idea how to answer that. He was glad that the question hadn’t been directed at him. Naoto was looking fixedly at Yu. 

“You know, you're so good at killing the mood that it's almost funny. ” Yosuke said, sneering, dodging the question. To Kanji’s dismay, Yukiko answered him. She was honest too, in her drunken state, she told Naoto everything, about the TV, about rescuing people. Rise even briefly awoke to add in a few details of her own. 

Kanji felt his draw drop. Yosuke looked stricken.  

“Y-You  _ idiot… _ ” Yosuke said. Naoto sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He looked angry and disappointed. 

“Are you making fun of me?” His voice was low, annoyed. Yukiko and Rise began to protest, drunkenly trying to make him believe them. 

“Sheesh! Somebody put these two drunks to bed already!” Chie said. Her good mood had also abated. She looked at Yukiko, partly with concern, and partly with annoyance. 

“ …I see now that you had no intention of telling me the truth.” Naoto said, standing up. “But I’m curious. How did you become so inebriated? This isn’t alcohol!” 

“Good one, Naoto!” Yukiko said, laughing as if he had said the funniest joke. The laugh made her snort, and this made her laugh all the more. It made Naoto frown all the more. 

“No, I confirmed it when I first entered. No alcohol has been served here since a rash of drunk driving last year.” He was scowling, looking at each of them in turn. Kanji met his eyes and shrugged. He’d told them that earlier; he’d not been able to taste the booze when he had tasted the drinks. Rise had gone back to sleep on the bench.  

“Hey, Senpai, how the hell're we gonna get back with two passed-out drunks!?” Kanji asked Yu, rubbing the back of his head. 

“As I said, they haven't been drinking alcohol! Are you a pack of imbeciles?” Naoto interrupted, hitting his hand on the table, raising his voice for the first time that evening. The outburst pissed Kanji off. The worst thing was, no one had lied to Naoto, he just  _ thought  _ they had. Kanji wanted to explain, but at this point, Naoto didn’t look like he would listen. 

“Alcohol or not, they ain’t in a fit state to walk.” Kanji snapped, standing to his full height. He towered above Naoto. Naoto looked shocked at being shouted at. He looked lost for a second, staring up at Kanji with large eyes, before pulling his cap down and bidding them a curt farewell. He left in a hurry, stalking down the stairs. Kanji watched him go. Naoto  _ had  _ kinda deserved it, but Kanji felt guilty.  _ I messed that up. Again _ . He shook his head. He’d deal with Naoto later. 

“I guess we’re carrying them back, huh?” He said to Yu, before rolling his shoulders and cracking his knuckles. 

With some difficulty they managed to get both Rise and Yukiko outside under their own power. However, Kanji had been right, they weren’t going to walk far in that state, and the hotel was a decent walk away.

Yu sighed and knelt down. With the help of Chie, he managed to maneuver a very unsteady Yukiko onto his back. She rested her head on his back, her arms draped over his shoulders. She made a content noise as she drifted in and out of sleep. 

Carefully Kanji lifted Rise, resting her head against his chest as he scooped her up. She barely weighed anything. She murmured something under her breath of wanting to stay out drinking until the morning, and flailed a little. Kanji thought he was going to drop her for a moment, but carefully rearranged his grip.  

“Right. So, uh, who knows the way back?” 

* * *

 

After getting Yukiko and Rise back to the girl’s corridor, and leaving Chie to put them into their respective beds, Yu and Yosuke headed to their room. Yosuke said he’d had enough for one night, and Yu had complained of being tired after carrying Yukiko all the way back. They didn’t look like they wanted his company, so Kanji had bid them goodnight, and wondered what to do with the rest of his evening. 

He briefly went back  to his room, but found that his roommate was in there with a few of his friends. They had all looked up when he entered, and turned slightly pale when he’d come in. Kanji didn’t have time for that bullshit. He left quickly, slamming the door behind him, feeling unwelcome. It wasn’t that late, but he didn’t particularly want to head back out into the city by himself. As cool as Port Island was, it was definitely a place to explore with friends. But a walk did sound good though; the hotel was stiflingly warm in the corridors and some fresh air sounded very appealing. 

The evening was still very warm, with swarms of mosquitoes making a high pitched whine in the dark. Out front of the hotel, just beyond the busy road lined with seedy karaoke bars and other Love Hotels, was a little alleyway leading to a small path along a river. He walked down it, away from the noise and lights. 

It was quiet out here, peaceful even. A street like this wouldn’t look out of place in Inaba and seemed at odds with what he had seen of Port Island so far. Perhaps this was an older part of town that hadn’t recently been refurbished? The drone of car engines, noisy bars and restaurants and the distinct murmur of a lot of people going about their lives seemed very far away. Even somewhere as bustling as Port Island, there were still quiet places to go to. 

Kanji sighed and ran his fingers through his hair before leaning on the railing on the side of the road. The river was far below him, a thin stream of murky water trickling along a man-made riverbed, grass and other plantlife growing up the sides of the bank. Across the river he could see more of the city, the opposite bank and beyond a haze of lights and tall, skyscraper buildings. Port Island was  _ huge _ . So this was the city. He could see why Rise liked the it here so much; it matched her personality. 

There was a sound quite close by; Kanji looked up and saw Naoto, the figure clear under the yellow light of a streetlamp. He was in a similar position, looking out over the river, his bare forearms resting against the cool metal of the railings. He looked deep in thought, his expression set into a frown. 

“Uh, hey.” Kanji said, turning his head to look at him. Naoto looked startled for a second, his head snapping round. He recognised Kanji and relaxed slightly, resuming his position, staring over the river at the city. 

“I take it you all managed to get back  _ without  _ alerting the faculty.” It wasn’t a question, and he didn’t look at Kanji as he spoke. 

“Uh, yeah. Chie-senpai put the girls to bed.”

“Hm,” Naoto made an unimpressed noise. A few moments went by, the only sound being the muffled noises of the city. In the distance, someone laughed. A dog barked. 

“Look, Naoto,” Kanji said, sighing, “about what happened-” 

“It doesn’t matter. Though I cannot fathom the reason why, I understand now that you and your friends intend to mock me instead of cooperating.” Naoto spoke quietly, his tone very matter of fact, cold. 

“No, it ain’t like that-” 

“Is it not?” Naoto pushed back from the railing and stood to face Kanji. He looked upset rather than angry, his voice cool. “Then what was the purpose of those blatant lies that Yukiko-senpai and Rise-san were spouting at the club?”  

“Naoto-” Kanji took a step towards him. 

“You all have previously admitted that you have been involving yourselves in the murder investigation!” Naoto interrupted. He sighed and continued, speaking quickly in a low voice. “Why won’t you tell me the extent of this involvement? What are you doing that is so  _ questionable  _ that it warrants keeping it a secret from the police? What are you  _ hiding _ ?” Kanji swore that he heard a small break in Naoto’s voice, under the cold exterior. 

“It ain’t what you think,” Kanji said helplessly.  

“Then what is it?” Naoto’s face was hidden under the shadow of his cap. “In all my theories and deductions,  _ everything  _ comes back to you six.” He folded his arms across his chest. He looked so small, almost uncomfortable. 

“It’s... complicated,” Kanji said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Complicated.” Naoto repeated, his voice deadpan. 

“Yeah, uh, like, it’s something we just gotta do. But I  _ swear _ , that we ain’t doing nothing bad.” Kanji knew he was screwing this up. He had no idea what else to say. There was an uncomfortable pause.

“What… what is it that you are actually doing Kanji-kun? And why are you so reticent to tell me?” Naoto asked softly, breaking the silence.   

“You probably wouldn’t believe me. And I ain’t sayin’ that ‘cause I don’t wanna tell you. But I promise, Naoto, we ain’t making fun of you.” Kanji really didn’t want to lie to him, but he couldn’t think of a way to explain that wouldn’t sound completely crazy. Naoto sighed, his shoulders slumping. 

“But you will continue to refuse to to tell me the extent of your involvement?” 

“I’m really sorry, man.” 

There was a long pause. Naoto was standing stock still, staring at him. Kanji wondered what the hell he was thinking about. 

“I see. Well, it is of no importance if you tell me or not. Goodnight, Kanji-kun.” Naoto walked past him, heading back to the hotel. Kanji couldn’t read his expression, but he swore something had changed.  


	10. Chapter 10

12th September 2011 

Kanji sat opposite his mother, eating dinner. Their tiny, ancient TV was switched on in the background, the volume turned down low as they ate. Ma was telling him about her day; they had a delivery that morning, new autumnal coloured bolts of silk ready for the change in seasons. She had a new commission for a kimono too. It was far more interesting that anything Kanji had to tell. School was boring; he wasn’t going to use any of the stuff he learned there.

“Amagi-san has been very specific about what she wants,” Ma said, sipping her tea as Kanji filled his bowl for another helping, “the new pale-saffron silk we have, with burnt-gold, cream and lilac embroidery. You can help me with that, can’t you Kanji-kun? It will be good practice for you. Embroidery is what makes a kimono.” Kanji nodded in agreement.

“What sorta-?” He started, with his mouth full. His mother frowned at him and cleared her throat. He swallowed, before continuing. “What sorta pattern does she want?”

“ _Nanahana no sekku -_ the flowers of autumn. She wants the obi to be leaf-green, with the same embroidered pattern. I can show you the swatches when we go into the shop tomorrow. All this gold thread! I wonder if the kimono is for Yukiko-chan for when she becomes the inn’s manager?” She took a sip of tea, and smiled. “It is good that you are friends with her again, Kanji-kun. She will provide a lot of business for you, so being friends-” Out of the corner of his eye Kanji saw Naoto on TV, standing next to a young, excitable looking announcer. He had his arms folded in front of him, his face tilted downwards, not looking directly at the camera. _Why…_?

“Huh…? Ma, turn that up.” His mother stopped talking, confused, and looked over to the TV.

“Oh? Does he go to your school, Kanji-kun?”

“Yeah. Turn it up, please?” Kanji said, straining to hear what was being said, his features set into a usual frown.

“... Detective Prince, Naoto Shirogane, whose handsome looks are sweeping the nation. Thanks for being on the show.”

“Kanji-kun; isn’t he the boy who was asking after you all those months ago?” Kanji grunted in response, transfixed. It didn’t make sense - why was Naoto on TV? The announcer was still introducing Naoto - it was some sort of special program on the ‘Detective Prince.’

His Ma reached for the remote, and turned the volume up.

“No, no, the pleasure's all mine.” Naoto said, his voice uncharacteristically coy. He seemed different from the last time Kanji saw him. He was smiling, for a start, and looked calm and collected.

“First, congratulations to you and the police for your recent arrest of the culprit! It was well-known that there were a lot of mysteries surrounding this case, and you did a _great_ job clearing them up.” The announcer was beaming, flashing his too-white teeth. Naoto laughed along with him for a moment, before speaking in his usual overly polite, well modulated voice.

“I'd hesitate to say that the matter is "cleared up," as such.” Naoto said, looking directly at the camera. “It's true that our suspect was behind Mr. Morooka's unfortunate death. But when I cast my eye over the case as a whole, I detect a few things that seem out of place.” Kanji felt a shiver go down his spine at Naoto’s tone. Yosuke was right; Naoto was dissatisfied with the case.

“Oh… like what?” The announcer’s smile faded, his interview taking an unexpected turn.

“Unfortunately I cannot divulge details at this time,” Naoto said, still smiling. “But this matter claimed the lives of three people. Hence, I believe that even the smallest inconsistency must be investigated.” Kanji frowned. The police would be pissed off at him if he was sayin’ that they missed something, especially live on TV. The hell was he doing?

“I… I see. I have to say, this is a surprise in light of the police’s official statement…” The announcer paused for a second, holding his hand to his ear, listening. He perked up. “N-now for our next segment! The Detective Prince’s True Identity! Where Naoto-kun tells us a little bit about himself!”

“Oh, I would hate to brag about my achievements, especially in light of the current matter being as of yet unresolved,” Naoto said smoothly. “My grandfather always taught me to strive for perfection in my investigatory work, and it is that attitude which had led to my career being as successful as it is.”

“I… I see, yes, so Naoto-kun, the audience is keen to hear about your previous achievements-”

“I am afraid that I am not at liberty to discuss the detail of those cases, as the topics are highly confidential and of a sensitive nature, as I am _sure_ you can appreciate, but needless to say, they are all considered to be successes, in no small part due to the tenacious and vigilant attitudes of the investigation team…”

Naoto was running circles around the announcer, even Kanji could see that. The poor guy was getting more and more flustered as Naoto didn’t answer anything directly, brought everything back round to the current case not being solved, and spoke in that infuriatingly cool, measured tone. Kanji scowled, deep in thought. Why was he doing this?

“He’s solved twenty-four cases, Kanji-kun!” Ma said, smiling over her tea as she listened to the interview. “What a smart young man. He must be very serious about his future.” She paused for a second, taking a sip. “Is he a friend of yours?”

“Uh, no, not really.”

“No?” She asked, raising her eyebrow. Kanji thought back to Port Island, to their conversation by the river, to the club.

“Well... kinda. We’ve hung out and stuff. I don’t think he’d call us his friends though.” He admitted, trying to hide the disappointment from his voice. He shrugged, turning his attention back to Naoto on TV. There was a poignant silence. Kanji cast a sideways look at his Ma, and saw her smiling. “What?”

“I think he is good for you.“ Kanji blinked, his eyes widening. He slowly turned to face her.

“Wh-what?”

“You seem a lot happier now, Kanji-kun. Ever since you met that boy you have been going to school, studying. You have made good friends too.”

“Y-yeah….?”

“And you know I don’t care what the gossips in this town say,”

“Ma…” he felt an uncomfortable blush start on his cheeks.

“You are my son and I love you,”

“Ma, stop it-” He looked down awkwardly, staring at his unfinished dinner.

“But I do hear things. And I think the company you are keeping now is good for you.”

“Ma!” Kanji shouted, banging his fist on the table. The vibration made his chopsticks fall from the edge of his bowl where they had been balancing, clattering across the table. His mother didn’t flinch, but smiled, taking a long drink of her tea. Kanji could feel her eyes on him. His face was still red, he could feel it. There was an uncomfortable silence between them.

He let out a frustrated sigh, trying to turn his attention back to the TV, but he couldn’t concentrate. Did Ma know about him? She sounded like she knew. Did she _really_ though?

“I grew up in Tokyo, but that is largely irrelevant considering I have moved around a lot, especially since becoming a private investigator…” Naoto said, his voice sounding tinny and artificial through the TV set.

“Ah, he is not from Inaba. I wonder what he thinks of the town?” Ma said, breaking the silence. Kanji grunted in response.

“I learned the basics of detective work from my parents, and subsequently my grandfather took charge of my tuition…”

“Oh! His entire family are detectives-”

“I’m going out.” Kanji said, standing up, his uneaten dinner left on the table. His mother looked surprised.

“What, right now?” She glanced at the clock. “It’s getting late-”

“I won’t be long.” He picked up his school uniform jacket from where he had discarded it earlier, and slung it around his shoulders, deliberately not making eye contact.

“Kanji-kun…?”

He turned away from his mother, striding purposefully towards the door. He could still hear her protesting as he headed out of the shop. He ignored her; he was trying to think.

The September evening air was cool, made cooler by the thick cloud covering the sky. It was only early September, and yet there was a definite bite to the air. It was probably going to rain soon. He was going to have to take his winter coat out of storage soon. He walked down the road, further into the shopping district. He had come to terms with who he was, right? He had accepted his Shadow, and his crush on Naoto, a long time ago. _So what_ if Ma knew? She knew him better than anyone. He should probably talk to her. Hell, she said that she _liked_ Naoto, that he was good for him. But, it was different from him being friends with someone like that and-

No. He shouldn't get his hopes up.

Why the hell was Naoto on TV anyway? It was making Kanji think of the last conversation they had, in Port Island. The last time they spoke Naoto was practically pleading with him, but now he seemed confident, knowing. It was a hell of a change. What was he up to?

Marukyu Tofu was closed, the shutters drawn and the lights downstairs switched off. He leant against a low wall, pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and tapped in Rise’s number.

“...Hello?” Rise answered. She sounded tired. Had she been asleep…?

“Uh hey, it’s Kanji.”

“Hey. What’s up?” Rise sounded confused. Kanji cleared his throat.

“Uh- are you watching TV right now?”

“Oh, no? Why? What time is it? It’s not raining...?”

“No, not the midnight channel. Normal TV. Naoto’s on-”

“Oh yeah, right, the news special. Grandma told me it was on, but....” Rise sounded unimpressed. “It’s only some special program about him being “the Detective Prince” or whatever. Sounds pretty stupid. I mean, we were the ones who did all the hard work!... Kanji-kun? Is something wrong...?”

“What? Nothin’s _wrong_... Just, I dunno. It’s weird. Something ain’t right.”

“What do you mean? Are you ok? You sound... distracted.” Her mild annoyance switched to concern.

“I’m fine. Don’t you think it’s weird that he is on TV?”

“Uh no, not really. He is taking all the credit for catching a serial killer. It makes sense that the media will be all over that, especially as it’s a _kid_.”

“Yeah, but he said that the police missed something. That'll just piss them off! He’s such a dumbass.”

“Huh, grandma didn’t mention that bit. You think that he knows something about the killer?”

“I dunno. Something just ‘aint right.” Kanji paused. He wanted to get something off his chest. He sighed and closed his eyes before speaking. “Rise… Ma asked me about Naoto this evening.” There was a pause on the other end of the phone.

“...What do you mean?’”

“She was just asking about him and stuff, askin’ if he was our friend, and said some things. I dunno, man. Just shook me up.” Another pause.

“Oh! Oh, does she know that you’re-”

“It ain’t like that!” Kanji snapped. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Sorry. I dunno Rise. Part of me just wants to tell her, but, she’s my Ma, you know?” He heard Rise take a breath, but realised that he really didn't want to hear what she had to say. “Ah forget it. Forget I ever said anything. G’night.”

“...Kanji...”

Kanji closed his phone, staring blankly into the middle distance.

This was stupid. He was getting worked up over nothin’.

He sighed and pushed himself off the wall, his hands in his pockets as he meandered slowly back towards the shop.

* * *

 

15th September 2011 

The entire school was abuzz with the name Naoto Shirogane. Everyone was talking about him, about the murders, about his previous cases; eagerly regurgitating what they had seen on the news special. Even the teachers were in on it, Ms Sofue even going as far to teach history based on famous cases solved by detectives, instead of her usual ancient egyptian stuff.  

Oddly, Naoto hadn’t been at school; Kanji had passed classroom 1-1 a few times, looking to talk to him, but didn’t see him once.

Between classes Kanji heard Ando loudly sneering about how it all _had_ to be fake, that there was no way someone like _Naoto_ managed to do all the things TV said he had done. It was with no small amount of satisfaction that Kanji heard him being shot down by his fellow students, the condescending bastard. He wasn’t the only one obviously jealous of Naoto either; one of the third years was complaining to his girlfriend, and to anyone passing by who would listen, that he was going to university in order to study to become a detective, and jerks like Naoto had it all handed to him on a plate.

The girls were swooning in admiration, loudly proclaiming how wonderful Naoto was, and how handsome he looked on TV. Kanji recognised two of them being the girls that Naoto had publicly shot down a few weeks ago. Even popular students like Ebihara had a passing comment about how cute he was.

Everyone had something to say about the damn ‘Detective Prince.’

Finally, classes were over. Kanji headed out of his classroom, and saw Rise head towards classroom 2-2, bouncing happily in the direction of Yu. He hadn’t had much time to talk to her today; they didn’t even have their lunch together, as had become the norm over the past few weeks. When he asked her after lunch where she had been, she said that she’d had to take a phone call from her old agent, and, as far as Kanji could tell, had looked quite upset about it. He hadn’t pushed for any more info; Rise could be quite secretive when she wanted to be. Whatever - she’s probably tell him later anyway.

Yu, Chie, Yosuke and Yukiko were engaged in conversation when he arrived in classroom 2-2. He tried to follow the topic, but after a moment or two Kanji felt himself tuning out their conversation. What his Ma said last night was troubling him, much more than he’d let on to Rise, and not seeing Naoto at school wasn’t helping.

“You saw TV the other night?” Yosuke asked, changing the subject. Kanji awoke from his reverie.

“Oh, the news shot on “the detective prince,” Rise said, rolling her eyes. “ _Everyone_ is talking about it.”

“Does Naoto really think that the killer hasn’t been caught?” Chie said, her hands on her hips. “We saw it first hand! We saw his Shadow and everything!”

“Naoto _did_ seem a little off the other day-” Yukiko said. Kanji interrupted her.

“So? 's got nothing to do with us. The killer's behind bars, man. You guys are overreacting.That shit Naoto said didn't make any sense either, so there's no use getting all worked up about it.” Everyone was staring at him. He scowled back. What did he say wrong? This was stupid.

“Huh…? Naoto-kun said what?” Yukiko said. “Where did that come from?”

“Uh, no, well… How do I put it…?” Kanji said. Wasn’t this what they were talking about?

“What, were you out of it 'cause you were still thinking about what Naoto said?” Yosuke laughed. “So you're still hung up on all that stuff!”

“That's--! I ain't hung up on it!” Kanji raised his voice. The other students loitering in the classroom turned around to stare; he could feel them all watching. Yosuke was unfazed, laughing, as he playfully put a hand on Kanji’s shoulder.  

“It's okay, we all understand. Just don't go overboard, man.” Yosuke said, winking and grinning.

“You little… I said that's not it!” He shrugged Yosuke’s hand off his shoulder, glaring, and clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Tch. I got stuff to do. I'm outta here.” Kanji pushed past Yu and stormed out, forcibly slamming the classroom door behind him.

“Yosuke! What the hell did you say that for? You know he doesn’t find it funny-” Kanji heard Chie say, but he stopped listening as he stalked down the corridor towards the lockers.

It was still raining outside, and the weather didn’t look like it was going to improve any time soon. Naoto’s shoe locker looked unchecked, stuffed to the brim with perfume-scented letters and gifts. Kanji couldn’t help feel a pang of jealousy. He roughly forced his feet into his outdoor shoes without untying the laces, and put his jacket on properly, turning his collar up against the weather. He collected his umbrella from the stand, and headed out into the rain.

Stupid Naoto. Stupid Yosuke. The entire Detective Prince thing was freakin’ stupid.  

* * *

 

Kanji’s mood hadn’t improved by the evening. The rain especially was compounding his bad mood; he had wanted to go out, maybe go to Aiya, or to the onsen near the Amagi Inn, but the rain had kept him indoors. He had tried to knit a new doll for the shop, but he had constantly made careless mistakes, and eventually thrown the beginnings of a pink bunny doll across the room in frustration. Was it too much to freakin’ ask? To be able to go somewhere where he could collect his thoughts and be by himself for a bit? Where he could chill out without reminders of what Naoto said, or Ma constantly asking him what was wrong.

By midnight it was still raining. Kanji sat heavily on the sofa in their little living room, scowling at nothing in particular. He glanced at the clock; 11:58pm. Perhaps he should check the midnight channel, just in case. He didn’t have a TV in his bedroom; with just him and Ma it seemed a bit excessive to have more than one, and they got by just fine with the ancient set they had in their living room. They had caught the killer. He knew that. He had _personally_ handed the fucker to the police. But something was niggling at the back of his mind, and Naoto being absent from school hadn’t helped.

Ma had long since gone to bed. The house was silent, the only noise coming from the rain pattering on the windows.

Kanji started at the blank screen, resting his head on his hands as he slumped forward. Nothing, aside from his dim reflection in the glass. This was stupid. He was worrying over nothing. Everyone was overthinking-

The TV crackled through the static and burst into life. The image was clear and sharp. Front and centre, standing in front of the bright studio lights was Naoto, wearing an oversized lab coat and energetically gesturing to the camera.

Kanji started, sitting up straight, his breath catching in his throat as he inhaled.

“Good evening, everyone. I am the Detective Prince, Naoto Shirogane. Welcome to "Experiment of the Century: The Genome Project.” I will be experimenter and experimentee both in a forbidden yet wonderful bodily alteration process!” The image of Naoto gestured to himself as he widely smiled for the cameras. “You shall witness my departure into a new realm… The moment of a new birth! From the chosen day forth, I shall walk a completely different path in life…! And I will share this glorious occasion, this memorable day, with all of you!”

Naoto smiled again, baring his teeth in a sinister grin. His voice changed, dropping in tone, sounding malevolent, cruel: “Do stay tuned.”

The image vanished, and Kanji was left with his reflection.

_….fuck!_

Kanji let out the breath he was inadvertently holding. He was stricken, his eyes wide. He sat stunned, staring at the black screen of the TV. So… That meant… what? Naoto had been kidnapped. He was on the other side. He was in danger. _Naoto_ was in _danger._ With shaking hands Kanji slowly took his phone from his pocket and dialed Rise’s number. He listened to the dial tone for a few agonising seconds before it went through to her voicemail. Shit.

Right. OK.

Kanji took a deep, shaky breath. Yu should know what to do, right? He tapped in his number, fumbling on the keys a few times before finally getting it. The phone rang once before it was answered.

“Hey! Is that you, senpai? N-Naoto was just… H-he..” Kanji could barely speak.

“Calm down,” Yu said, his voice firm. Kanji balled his free hand into a fist. He could feel his nails digging into his palms.

“So's this mean he was kidnapped? You said people only show up clearly on TV once they're thrown into that other world, right!? The hell's going on!? I thought we caught the damn killer!”

“Kanji. Calm down.”

“Oh, I-I'm sorry! Being a detective, solving cases… It ain't worth shit if he gets himself kidnapped. “Damn, that idiot pisses me off!”

“Let’s discuss it tomorrow.“ Yu said, talking over him. Kanji let out a long breath, trying to control the stutter and shake in his voice.

“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry I called out of the blue. Anyways, let's get the gang together and meet first thing after school...”  Kanji trailed off, before hanging up. He stared at the TV once again, staring at his reflection. His heart was racing; he felt a familiar surge of adrenaline course through him. He last felt like this when his father died… no, when Ma had been rushed into hospital and he wasn’t there...

He couldn't stay here. He unclenched his fist, ignoring the angry red semi-circle indentations from his nails digging into his palm. He grabbed his coat and umbrella from where they hung near the door, and headed out into the dark and rain. He had no idea where to go. He felt powerless. Rise wouldn’t be awake, would she? She didn’t pick up her phone. Fuck, and he couldn’t keep on running to her whenever anything went wrong. What if he went to Junes…? No, that was fucking stupid. He couldn’t go into the TV without Yu. Kanji shivered, and zipped his jacket closed. It was uncharacteristically cold outside, the rain pouring almost sideways in the high winds. His umbrella threatened to blow inside out. He neatly folded it up and left it by the front door, before heading into the driving rain.

He was almost instantly soaked through; the rain plastered his hair to his head, the water from his hair running down his neck and into his coat. He didn’t care. It didn’t matter. He felt his blood pound in his ears, blocking out rational thought. The shopping district was deserted. The rain was falling so fast that every indentation on the concrete was already filled with water, deep puddles everywhere, soaking his shoes and socks. Goddamn Naoto; why the fuck was he kidnapped? Why did this happen? The entire Detective Prince thing was bullshit, and now Naoto was captured! He should have known something was up when Naoto didn’t come to school today-

In the shadows, Kanji nearly tripped over a metal notice board advertising a sale at Mrs Shiroku’s store. The chain connecting it to the lamppost caught on his foot and he stumbled forwards through a puddle. He turned around, snarling, and  kicked the metal board in anger. It made a resonant clanging sound as it clattered to the pavement. He kicked it again, and again, letting out guttural sounds as he unleashed his tension and anger, growling into the night. The board dented under his feet, becoming misshapen and deformed. It was his fault. If he had just fucking told Naoto the truth in Port Island, this never would have happened!

“Hey! You!” A male voice shouted from behind him; Kanji spun round, his eyes wild. “The hell you think you’re doing!?”

“The _fuck_ do you want?” Kanji snarled, striking a nearby wall, far harder than he meant to. He felt his skin tear as he struck the stone, his knuckles stinging. He ignored it. Kanji couldn’t see the figure in the dark; he was silhouetted against a street lamp.

“...just… stop doing that… or I’ll call the police!”  Kanji sneered and kicked the board once more for good measure, before stalking into the night. He felt the other guy watching him, but he didn’t give a fuck.

Dissatisfied, angry; Kanji headed towards the Tatsuhime Shrine. Kanji wasn’t particularly religious; the last time he visited a shrine was when his father died, but he didn’t know where else to go that wasn’t home. He couldn’t let his mother see him like this.

It was eerily dark, the old building set back away from the yellow light of a streetlamp. He walked up to the shrine and clasped his hands together, trying to concentrate, to get away from the impotent feelings of helplessness. His hand was bleeding freely, from where he struck the wall; his knuckles were torn, and there was a persistent throb of pain with every beat of his pulse. He tried to ignore it, idly wiping the blood on his trouser leg.

Why was there nothing he could do? Naoto could die in there. This was his fault.   

* * *

 

16th September 2011

By the time school finished the rain had finally let up, turning into a sunny and warm afternoon. Kanji had almost run out of school when the bell went, dragging an unusually sombre Rise with him, striding stern faced in haste to get to Junes. Everyone turned up quickly, looking as worried and concerned as he felt. Naoto had definitely been kidnapped and thrown into the TV. Teddie could sense him in there. Kanji had balled his hands into a tight fist at the news, his sore, wounded knuckles turning white.  

“It is just like before,” Yosuke said, looking forlorn and downcast. “Nothing we did made any difference.”

“Like before… well, that does explain why Naoto appeared on TV so suddenly” Yukiko said. “He said something didn’t seem right, and he knew that people who are kidnapped appeared on TV first.”

“Wait, you’re saying he used himself as bait?” Yosuke asked, his mouth agape. “D’you think he was trying to prove his theory by using himself…?”

“You mean he got kidnapped on purpose!? That's crazy…! He could be killed!” Chie said. Kanji felt his heartbeat quicken as Chie confirmed his worst fear.

“He said, "This is not a game for me either…" Rise mumbled, not meeting Kanji’s eye. ”It's all my fault… I'm the one that said that to him…” She started to cry, her breathing turning into small sobs. Kanji frowned at her, uncomfortable. He hated seeing Rise cry.

“That idiot! Why the hell didn't he just tell us!?” Kanji said, the words getting caught in his throat. He put a hand on Rise’s shoulder, and shook her, in a weak effort to soothe her.  

“He knew we'd stop him if he did. Instead, he left us clues so we could figure it out and-” Yosuke started to say. Kanji interrupted him, raising his voice to mask his worry.

“I know! That son of a…” He looked away from the group, tuning out as they began to talk about Mistuo, about Mr Morooka. He took his hand from Rise’s shoulder and folded his arms across his chest, frowning in thought. He shoulda talked to Naoto. He shoulda just told him everything from the start. He had the chance to. This was his fault.

“Then whoever kidnapped Naoto-kun… That's the real killer!? Rise said. Kanji’s felt a shiver go down his spine at that. Killer.

“B-But wait a sec… Didn't Mitsuo say he was the one behind it all? Why would he take the blame for someone else's crime? Isn't that weird? And they said on the news that the culprit confessed to the other murders, too…There's also something else that's been bothering me, but… Um…” Chie trailed off. Kanji stood up, slowly, with purpose.

“To _hell_ with someone who's behind bars!” Kanji said firmly, raising his voice.. “If we don't get off our asses, that _stupid_ Naoto's gonna die in there. We gotta go find him!”

“Easy big guy, we’ll get him” Yosuke said. He looked miserable. Kanji shook his head.

“We need to go right _now_!” Kanji said forcefully.  

“I… I won’t be able to find him right now Kanji-kun” Rise said in a small voice, not meeting his eye. “I… I need something to help me…”

“What?” Kanji snapped, staring at her. Rise’s eyes filled with tears, bringing her hand to her mouth. She winced at Kanji’s tone, her face going red as she fought back sobs.

“L-like with Mitsuo… I had to know th-things about him to find him and-” Rise tried to explain, her voice catching in her throat as she trailed off. She looked tiny, lost. Kanji wracked his brains, trying to think of something he could tell her, something that he knew about Naoto that they didn’t already know. Something that he could use to find him. He was drawing a blank.

“Dammit! There is so much we don’t know about that.. that _idiot_ \- if we don’t do something, he’s gonna…”

“Hey, snap out of it! This is just like all the other times. Let's not panic, keep an eye on the weather, and do this like always. We'll save him, no problem!” Chie put her hand on his shoulder, Kanji looked away. ““First, we need to look for something that'll help us locate him.”

“I-I know… I-I wasn't panicking. We know he's over there… So all we gotta do is get him out.” Kanji said. He picked up his jacket, and headed out of Junes, leaving the rest of the group behind.


	11. Chapter 11

4th October 2011

Kanji was slumped in his living room, glaring bleary eyed at a switched off TV. It was late, long past midnight, and his mother had given up pestering him to get to bed. It wouldn’t have helped anyway; if he went to bed he knew he would spend the entire night staring at the ceiling, feeling increasingly angry and helpless. He ran his hands through his hair, raking his scalp with his fingernails. He didn’t care how late it was. He didn’t care how tired he was. It had been over two weeks, and Naoto was still in there. 

Time moved weirdly inside the TV, Kanji knew that, but a Shadow could really get to a person in that amount of time. Get inside their heads. Fuck them up. Naoto was no pushover, no doubt about it but neither was Kanji. He thought back to his own Shadow, the way he had flaunted every aspect of Kanji he had wanted to be kept hidden, to deny. The others, well, apart from Yukiko and Rise, didn’t understand. They hadn’t been stuck in those places. They hadn’t have to listen for days to nothing but the worst, most  _ forbidden _ , parts of you being exposed, laid bare for everyone to laugh at. It was freakin’ painful.

And now Naoto was going through all that shit. The dude must be suffering. Kanji shivered. Two freakin’ weeks and they were still no closer to saving him. Why was it taking them so long to find him? It felt like that they had talked to every person in Inaba, spending every moment after school and on weekends asking anyone they came across about Naoto. Hell, Kanji even went to the local police station to ask someone there if they knew anything. No one was interested in talking to him though; all he got was suspicious looks and curt replies. 

It had already begun raining; it has started earlier, as he was coming home from school. Time was running out. 

His phone vibrated in his pocket as he received yet another message. He sighed and fished out his phone, flipping it open with an audible click. He adjusted his glasses to bring into focus who was messaging him this late at night. 

There were a lot of missed call notifications and unread messages, mainly from Rise. He felt like shit for ignoring her but he didn’t want to deal with any of them right now. He was too freaking  _ exhausted _ . This past few weeks had been hell; he wasn’t sleeping well, he was picking at his food and he hardly met up with Yu and the others any more. It was mainly his fault - unless they were doing something like interrogating people in Inaba about Naoto, or going into the TV world actively trying to look for him, he wasn’t interested. They were wasting time and it was pissing him off. 

His phone displayed a message from Chie. Kanji frowned. It wasn’t like her to message him, especially as they hadn’t spoken much recently. He opened the message: 

“hey not seen u in ages. u ok?” Kanji sighed. Another one of  _ those  _ messages.  _ What the hell did people expect me to say? That everything was just peachy? Screw that. _ His phone vibrated again as he received another message. 

“just want to let u know i know what its like. I was scared too with Yukiko. we didn’t know how to rescue her. we didnt even know if we could. we’ll save him, Kanji-kun. trust us”

Kanji snorted. What the hell did Chie know about anything.  _ She  _ didn’t know what it was like in there.  _ She  _ wasn’t the one who lied to Naoto and made him use himself as bait. This was all  _ his  _ fault, dammit, and there was nothing he could do about it. 

_ Trust us.  _

The hell did she mean by that? Did she really think that he was gonna just sit by and do nothing whilst they did the rescuing? That he needed them to fix this mess? How the hell could he rely on them when he didn’t even rely on himself to rescue someone who was this damn important to him. 

Kanji closed his phone and unceremoniously tossed it down on the sofa. 

* * *

 

5th October 2011 

It was still raining. Kanji walked to school slowly, his collar turned up and his umbrella pulled down low. He felt sick to his stomach and utterly exhausted. He didn’t even try to sleep last night; he’d spent the long hours with his head in his hands, listening to the rain patter against the windows, until his mother appeared the next morning with a cup of tea and a sympathetic expression. At least Ma understood, though he hadn’t told her everything. 

He passed Marukyu Tofu as he made his way towards school, but didn’t stop to wait for Rise. He couldn’t face her this morning; she would probably be pissed off at him for ignoring her calls and texts, and besides, she was seriously annoying him with her persistence. She was perceptive, he knew that, but she was also stubborn, and would not leave him alone when she thought she could help. It was just that her style of helping was bugging him until he talked to her. 

He’d started screening her for the last few days because they didn’t help. If he didn’t, he ended up listening to her jump from various topics, apologising about being unable to find Naoto yet, or trying to get him to talk about how worried he was. It could go on for hours. He knew she was just worried about him, but he always came off the phone feeling worse, feeling helpless and guilty. He knew that time was running out. He didn’t need more proof of his failure. It was all his own damn fault. 

“Kanji? Kanji!” he heard Rise’s voice call out to him. He stopped walking, not turning to look at her. His shoulders slumped as he waited in the middle of the street. He heard her close the door to the shop behind her, the wood sliding in its frame. She splashed through the puddles are she ran to catch up with him. “Hey, Kanji!” 

“Hey,” he said gruffly, as he began walking again. He briefly glanced over to her; from what little he could see of her under her umbrella she looked concerned, not annoyed. She caught him looking at her. 

“Oh! You don’t look too good! Did you sleep at all last night?” She asked, worry tinging her voice. 

“Not really,” he grunted, clenching his jaw. He wasn’t in the mood for another lecture. He knew he looked like shit; that he was sickly pale with bags under his eyes, that he needed to shave, his hair dishevelled. He increased his stride, feeling self-conscious. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Rise jog to keep up with him.

“You’re gonna make yourself sick.” She said, slightly out of breath. He didn’t respond. He heard her sigh. “Kanji, wait.” She grabbed his arm and he stopped, facing away. “Kanji, look at me? I’m really worried about you-”

“Stop it Rise,” he warned, his voice low. He really didn’t want to hear it. Why was she so worried about  _ him _ ?  _ He  _ wasn’t the one inside the TV. He balled his free hand into a fist, his fingernails digging into his palm. He felt his recently healed knuckles cracking under the pressure, threatening to reopen. 

“No, I mean it. Listen to me, okay?” He grunted, but made no effort to face her. “You can’t keep this up! You’ve gotta look after yourself, for Naoto-.” The mention of Naoto’s name made his heart skip a beat. His skin flushed with anger.  

“The hell do you know?” He snapped, raising his voice. He quickly turned to face her, wild eyed, his expression pulled into a snarl as he drew himself to his full height. She flinched, but didn’t let go of his arm, meeting his harsh gaze. She looked tiny, and terrified as she held her umbrella close to her, but she stood her ground.

“I know this is hard for you, I really do. I know you are worried  _ sick _ .” Her voice began to falter. “But look at yourself - look at what you are doing! You look terrible, you are pushing everyone away, making yourself ill - you’re angry all the time and… Kanji…. I’m your friend…. and... I’m trying-” tears sprung to her eyes, but she didn’t brush them away. 

“Why is it taking so long Rise!” He said, his voice raw. “The forecast says that this rain is not gonna last… it’s gonna be foggy tomorrow and-” he stopped, catching himself. “We gotta go in  _ today _ , or-” 

“I know,” she pleaded, “I  _ know  _ I haven’t been able to find him yet! I know that this is the last chance I have to find him and we have to go in today or... or…” she began to cry, tears falling freely. 

“Fuck,” Kanji swore. He pulled his arm out of Rise’s grasp and walked a few steps away. He swore again and punched at a nearby low wall, reopening an old wound on his knuckles. He heard Rise gasp. He came back to face her, standing close, towering above her. “To hell with this. We have to go right now!” 

“K-Kanji- your hand-” She took his hand in hers, inspecting his bloody knuckles, seeing the old scars and wounds. 

“Like  _ fuck  _ it matters! We don’t have  _ time  _ for this.” He pulled his hand away, wiping the blood on his trousers. 

“Kanji? Rise?” Kanji recognised Yosuke’s voice. He spun around and saw him and Yu approaching. “You guys ok?” Kanji was about to snap at them, ask them if he freaking  _ looked  _ ok, but Rise stood forward, speaking before he could. 

“Y-yeah,” Rise said, sniffing slightly, manufacturing a small smile. “Just, worried, you know. About Naoto.” Kanji let out an exasperated sigh.  _ Screw this. This is bullshit.  _

“Yeah, us too. We need to get together after school and go into the TV,” Yosuke said, rubbing the back of his head. Kanji looked away. He didn’t trust himself to speak without shouting. His hand was throbbing.

“Do you think you have enough information to try again?” Yu asked, addressing Rise, putting a careful hand on her shoulder and looking her in the eye. She relaxed into his touch. Kanji saw her look past Yu and directly at him before answering. 

“I will try - I really will,” she said. There was an awkward silence. Yosuke looked between Kanji and Rise, before casting Yu a look.   

“Ok, well, we had better get to school. We will meet at the usual place later,” he said. 

* * *

 

Kanji didn’t meet with Rise for lunch; she didn’t come into his classroom and he didn’t go out to look for her. He didn’t feel like eating anyway. The cool autumn rain hammered on the window and was a constant reminder of the deadline, of his failure. Around him students chatted; laughing, gossiping, completely oblivious to the danger the rain posed. That tomorrow the fog would come and the police would… no, he didn’t want to continue that thought. He felt his heartbeat quicken, and his expression shift into a scowl.  _ To hell with this. _ Kanji stood up abruptly and stalked out of the classroom, purposely ignoring any odd looks he was getting. 

The roof was probably not an option; he didn’t want to go outside whilst it was raining so heavily. He could hide out near the sewing room; it was very unlikely anyone would even  _ think  _ go there. He kept an eye out on the corridor as he headed towards the practice building; he was not in the mood to run into anyone. 

“There you are!” Kanji snapped his head towards the source of the noise and saw Chie standing by the lockers, her hands on her hips, looking directly at him. Her green sports jacket was zipped up to her neck, her cheeks flushed and her hair wet, as if she had run through the rain. She toed off her wet outdoor shoes and shoved them into her locker before bounding over to him. He frowned as she approached. What the hell was she doing? And why was she alone; he didn’t think he had ever seen her without Yukiko in tow. 

“What?” He said, gruffly, as he made to move past her, towards the practice building. She blocked his path. Chie studied his face, her eyes narrowing. 

“Geez, Yosuke was right, you don’t look good. When was the last time you ate something?” 

“I dunno. It don’t matter,” Kanji shrugged. He made to go past her again but she moved in front of him, effectively blocking his path. Scowling, he drew himself up to his full height, squaring his shoulders. Chie raised one eyebrow, but refused to move, her face we set into an expression of determination. Kanji gave up and sighed. “Whadda ya want, senpai?” 

“How about I treat you to lunch? I wanna talk to you, anyway.”

“I ain’t in the mood,” Kanji said, scowling. 

“Hey don’t be like that. Come on. They have a beef special on today!” 

They ended up in one corner of the canteen, largely ignored by the rest of the students. It was busier than normal because of the bad weather preventing people from eating outside, but it was better than being in one of the classrooms. Kanji sat sullenly in his seat as Chie put a bowl of gyuudon in front of him. His stomach growled at the smell of food, but he made no move to pick up the chopsticks. Chie had no such restraint and immediately dug into her meal. Kanji watched her in silence, his gyuudon untouched. 

“So, um, how are you holding up?” She asked between mouthfuls. “I messaged you last night but I’m not sure if you got it.”  

“Yeah, I got it.” Kanji said, not looking at her. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, but he didn’t look to see who was messaging him. It was probably Rise. 

“Well... um... I… how do I put this?” She hesitated for a second, stopping her assault on her steak to look at him. “I… um… I meant what I said. I know what it is like to go through something like this, and... and we’re your friends, Kanji-kun. You need to trust us more. Talk to us.” Kanji folded his arms. 

“Like hell sayin’ that will help. This ain’t about trust. We’re runnin’ outta time and I don’t know if we’re gonna make it!” Chie nodded, and put down her knife. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before she spoke again.  

“I am not sure if you remember, ‘cause this was before we met you but... last Spring it was all over the news about Ms Yamano, and then Saki-senpai went missing, right?” Chie said, looking him in the eye. Kanji nodded. He remembered the news bits anyway. “She appeared on the Midnight Channel, and was was found hanging- um, sorry, she was, you know, killed. Everyone was talking about it. And Yu discovered that he could go into the TV, that people were being thrown in there.” Chie paused and took another mouthful of food, slowly chewing it over as she stared down at the table. Kanji waited patiently for her to finish chewing. 

“So, after that, I saw my best friend appear on the midnight channel... and then not come to school. I was… so... scared. I thought, ‘what if this means Yukiko is going to be next?’ and I thought of how I couldn’t let that happen no matter what. I called her home, I called to the inn, and tried so hard to make sure she was okay but... then it happened anyway- she went missing and I blamed myself. What if I had been with her? What if I had warned her?” 

Kanji stared at her, not saying anything. He absent mindedly ran his thumb over the torn skin of his knuckle, brushing against the newly formed scab.

“When we went into the TV world that time, I ran into her castle without even thinking that I could get hurt. All I could think about was saving Yuki and, well, we  _ did  _ save her, Kanji-kun. Even though we didn’t know if we could. We saved her and started rescuing people. We rescued you, too. And then Rise and went after Mitsuo. So, that’s why you gotta trust us.”  

“That’s why you brought me here?” 

“Uh huh,” Chie smiled, taking another bite of her lunch. “I figured you needed someone to tell you that everything was gonna be okay. I mean, we are all worried, and we know we gotta go into the TV today, but, I just wanted to say that I understand.” Kanji felt his phone go off again, vibrating against his leg from inside of his trousers. 

“Uh, thanks….” he took his phone out of his pocket, frowning at it. 

“Oh yeah! I almost forgot to tell you!” Chie exclaimed. Kanji looked up, his phone momentarily forgotten. “I had an idea the other day, on how to get the cops to talk to us! And, well, basically; Yu has been pretending that he’s Naoto-kun’s friend. He’s been asking after him as if we were worried about him, and saying things like “Naoto hasn’t been to school recently as we’re getting worried. Is he busy with police work?”

“Yeah, so?” 

“Well, I think it has been working. People have been telling him stuff. I think he said that he was going to talk to Rise over lunch. He’s could even be talking to her right now, seeing if they know enough to go into the TV.”

“Why didn’t you say so earlier?” Kanji said, louder than expected. There was a sudden hush in the cafeteria as those nearest paused to see what was going on. Kanji glared at anyone who dared look their way. “The hell are you lookin’ at?” Suddenly, Chie’s phone started ringing. She fished it out of her jacket pocket. Kanji could see Rise’s name on the caller ID. Chie flicked it open, answering it.  

“Hello?” She said, frowning slightly. “Kanji-kun? Uh, yeah, he’s here. You want me to put him on?” Chie handed her phone to Kanji. “It’s for you. It’s Rise-chan.” He snatched it out of her hand, his eyes wide. 

“Uh, hey Rise-”

“Kanji! Thank goodness. I… I think I’ve found him.”


	12. Chapter 12

?? October 2011

Rise had explained to him before how she managed to find people in the TV, but Kanji didn’t really understand it. He knew that she needed information, but it was  _ specific  _ personal information she needed. He had tried to tell her bits that he knew about Naoto, but it wasn’t enough. Or, rather, it wasn’t the right sort of information. 

Kanji stood next to her in the TV word, waiting patiently whilst she scoured the area. 

“So, he’s hates being treated like a child… and he has an almost abnormal obsession with this case. Huh, I didn’t think that Naoto would be like that. He always seemed so cool and logical...” Rise muttered to herself as she stood with her persona’s visor over her eyes. Kanji thought back to how persistent Naoto was the last time they spoke. How upset he got when he thought he was holding information back from him. He said nothing. 

“That way!” Rise pointed along a path as her persona shimmered and vanished.  

“Then let’s go!” Kanji took her hand in his and practically dragged her in the direction she had been pointing, the others following behind. Rise was running to keep up, protesting as she fought to keep her balance.  

They arrived at a metal bunker, half buried in the ground. It was well camouflaged by the surreal fog and black-and-red sky of this world. They never would have just stumbled across it.  

“Wow, it’s all sci-fi!” Yosuke said, sounding impressed as he circled the squat grey building. “Hey, doesn’t it remind you of those secret hideouts in live action shows? This has all come from Naoto’s mind, right? I guess the Detective Prince isn’t as grown up as he looks.” Kanji inspected the odd building in front of them, and felt a faint stirring of recognition. It was kinda... cool. 

“Oh yeah.” A small smile formed on his lips. “I used to watch Featherman all the time when I was a kid. This is from that show, right? Look, there’s the logo.”

“I hear those are really tough shoots. A lot of the actors do their own stunts, like jumping through fire.” Rise said, catching her breath. Her cheeks were red from exertion. 

“Well, it’s every man’s dream to do that stuff. Right, Kanji?” Yosuke said, folding his arms, grinning. Kanji shrugged.

“I can understand that,” Chie said, stretching her legs, “they are action-based, like kung-fu movies, and just the phrase “secret hideout” has this exciting ring to it.” She blushed when Yu agreed with her, and rubbed the back of her head self-consciously. “Actually, when I was a kid, I had my own secret place near the mountain by Yukiko’s house. I’d pretend that a legendary kung fu master was teaching me special techniques!” She laughed nervously. 

“We ready?” Kanji asked, grabbing a sheet of discarded metal which was leaning against the side of the bunker. “Let’s do this.” 

* * *

 

Inside the hideout was  _ freezing _ . Kanji shivered, pulling his jacket close and aggressively rubbing his hands together to ward off the chill. The metal table he was carrying was biting into his palms; he was having to swap hands to carry it. It was even colder in here than it was outside. Everything in here was clinical, mechanical; the walls were riveted steel panels, the floor a dull grey concrete. The light was a sickly yellow-green of halogen strip lights. He was regretting wearing glasses with tinted lenses; he could barely see. The only sign of life were the blinking lights on the many computer terminals. Stale, recycled air was being pumped around, and everything smelled of dust. 

Kanji was leading the rescue, supported by Chie. Between them they were coordinating the search and rescue, ensuring that they didn’t miss anything as they searched the facility. This was the first time in  _ weeks  _ where he didn't feel freakin’ useless. He felt that he could actually do  _ something  _ to help, and that sudden sensation was making him feel giddy, almost light-headed.  He tore through the rooms, using his natural athletic ability to his advantage, forcing open metal doors, bypassing security, going deeper into the facility. Chie was never far behind, and he was glad of her company. 

As they descended deeper underground the air quality got worse, the lights began to fail, flickering, casting ghastly shadows in the large rooms. The silence was deafening, the only noises being a continuous ominous hum of machinery, the static of computers, and their own laboured breathing. 

Suddenly a siren went off, the flickering yellow light being replaced with an angry red glare. Over a loudspeaker, a mechanical voice repeated WARNING WARNING INTRUDER ALERT over and over. 

“Shit!” Kanji swore, eyes wild as he looked around for an immediate threat. Was there security here? 

“Senpai! Behind you” Rise yelled. Kanji spun round and saw her pointing behind Yu, Yosuke and Chie. The lights were going out, one at a time with a loud  _ thunk _ , the darkness approaching them at an alarming rate.  Yosuke let out a yell as the darkness began to engulf them,  and the three of them sprinted back towards Kanji, Rise and Yukiko. Just as they reached the group the light above them went out. Rise screamed and grabbed Kanji’s arm as the six of them were plunged into pitch darkness. It was as though the power had been cut; the computer terminals spontaneously died in unison, the siren cutting out with a mechanical fizzle, before... silence. 

“...everyone okay?” Yu’s voice was shaky, hesitant.  

“Y-yeah. That scared me…” Rise said, letting go of Kanji’s arm in the dark.

Kanji could hear his own heartbeat pounding in his ears but didn’t want to let on how uneasy he was. He felt out in the dark until he found a wall. He put his hand on it, feeling with the pads of his fingers to find the door again. There was a hiss of compressed air shifting, and a blinding beam of light as the door slid open and revealed the large room beyond. 

Kanji squinted; a familiar figure stood silhouetted against the light.

“Naoto!”  

“Ah, it is about time you arrived.”

* * *

 

At first glance, the room was terrifying, like something out of a horror movie. Circular saws hung from the ceiling, their sharp edges glinting in the fluorescent lights. They were, worryingly, placed over an operating table. Bright clinical lights were blinding, especially after the gloom of the corridors; Kanji shielded his eyes, wincing in discomfort. The metal walls and rust-coloured grates on the floor added to the menace of the room, hinting at unspeakable horror. But, the more Kanji took in the hybrid of medical equipment and machinery, the more  _ artificial  _ it looked. Unthreatening, even. The lasers looked cartoonish and silly; even the death-trap machinery was over the top, with exposed wiring and long tubes to look more impressive than it was.   

Naoto’s Shadow wasn’t intimidating in the slightest. The oversized lab-coat covering his hands made him seem small, childish, especially when standing next to the ‘real’ Naoto. Kanji took a step into the room, and the Shadow burst into tears, clinging onto Naoto’s arm, as though he expected to be protected by him. Kanji felt uncomfortable seeing Naoto cry. It was just his Shadow self, admittedly, but seeing  _ that  _ face look to be in so much pain was disconcerting. The way he was acting was so unlike anything Kanji had seen of Naoto; he couldn’t imagine that something so… pathetic had come from Naoto’s inner self.   

“Dealing with this child has been quite a pain,” Naoto said, looking at Kanji, shaking his arm to disentangle himself from his Shadow. 

“No! No, no, don't  _ go _ !” His Shadow wailed, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. 

“It's useless speaking with you. I need to go back now, ” Naoto said patiently, taking a step towards the door. His Shadow cried out again, clinging harder. 

“Why? Why're you leaving me here!? Why am I always left alone!? It's so lonely… I don't wanna be alone!” Something snapped in Naoto. Kanji saw his expression change from having his patience tried to one of anger. 

“You wear the same face as me, as if you're implying we're one and the same. But the difference between me and you is-” Naoto was cut off as his Shadow shoved him into the operating table in the middle of the room. He wasn’t expecting the move and he collided heavily with the table edge. Kanji started forwards, but Yosuke grabbed his arm, holding him back. The Shadow stood up straight, no longer crying as he walked towards Naoto. Kanji saw his features shift from that of a petulant child into something Kanji was more accustomed to seeing; cool, collected, but uncharacteristically sneering.

“These childish gestures are no  _ mere  _ affectation.” He said, standing over Naoto. “They're the truth. The fools all say it, don't they…? "You're only a child," "Keep out of our business, kid!" No matter how many cases you spend hours cogitating over, no matter how many crimes you solve, you're a  _ child  _ in their eyes. It's your brain they're interested in. The grey matter locked up in that skull.” He roughly prodded Naoto’s head. Naoto tried to swat his hand away. 

“As long as they need it, you're an ace detective! But once you're done, it's back to the playpen with you. You haven't the means to deal with society's hypocrisy. You're just a lonely child.” The shadow laughed, then his laugh turned into a mocking, petulant wail. “I wanna be a grown-up…I wanna be a big boy right now… Then they'll see who I am…I… I want a reason for me to stay…” 

“That's enough!” Naoto snapped, holding his stomach, rubbing the sore spot where he collided with the table. “I can find my own reason for living.” 

“Hah… I'm telling you that's impossible. You are but a child. How can you change that essential truth?”

“Stop it...” Naoto said, uncertainty creeping into his voice.  

“At your  _ core _ , you admire the sort of "strong" and "cool" men who populate detective fiction. But in trying to emulate them, you must know that in truth, you're nothing of the sort.  _ You're a child.  _ There's no avoiding first principles!  _ Admit  _ that you're a child!  _ Admit  _ that there's nothing you can do about it!” The Shadow pressed a button on the side of the operating table, and the circular saw sprung to life with a high pitched whine. 

“Now then! Our analysis is complete. Let us begin the body alteration procedure. You have no  _ objections _ , do you… "Naoto" Shirogane?” He cackled again, a cruel, menacing laugh. 

“Stop it!” Naoto, shouted, making Kanji jump. He had seen Naoto upset before, but that was nothing compared to the despair he could currently see. 

"Naoto"… Such a  _ cool _ , manly name! But a name doesn't change the truth. It doesn't let you cross the barrier between the sexes. How could you become an ideal man when you were  _ never  _ male to begin with?” The Shadow paused, clearly enjoying the stunned silence he had created. Kanji blinked. He looked at Naoto, who looked distraught, and then to Rise, who had her mouth agape. 

“H-He's not a guy!?” Kanji asked Rise. She looked at him, at a loss for words. He could feel Yosuke staring at him, but he didn't know how to react. He was … surprised, sure but... That was unexpected. Was it true? 

“I won't throw a tantrum. That accomplishes nothing!” Naoto said through clenched teeth. The shadow laughed, maliciously. 

“How often I've heard those words from the adults."Throwing a tantrum won't solve anything, Naoto-kun," and other such bilge! They made you cry, didn't they? Yet here you are, mimicking those same men. What  _ exactly  _ are you trying to justify?”

“What…?” Naoto said, trying to regain composure. Even Kanji could see that he... she... was failing.

“It's all right. You needn't suffer anymore. That's why you're undergoing this body alteration procedure to begin with. You throw a tantrum, but it fails to change the situation a single bit. I can quite understand the feeling. After all, I am you.”

“That's not true!!” Naoto said, despair cracking her voice. 

“Don't say it!” Chie shouted from the door.

“It's okay.” Kanji turned to face her. “Let the kid spill the whole thing. If not, Naoto's just gonna keep hurting. We'll just do our job and kick the Shadow's ass. Yeah?” He had things to think about sure, but that could come much later. Getting Naoto out of this was way more important right now. The Shadow heard him and burst out laughing. 

“As if  _ you  _ know anything about me! You'll kick my ass, huh? Fine, go ahead and try, you lizard-brained imbecile!” 

“That’s it. I’ve heard enough!” Kanji stepped forwards, metal table in hand. 

“What, are you sick of yourself too?” The Shadow laughed at him, before grabbing Naoto by her shoulders and forcefully throwing her across the room, her body landing with an audible thud that made Kanji wince. He snarled and ran toward the Shadow. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Rise dodge past the Shadow and make her way towards Naoto.

The fight was much more painful than anything Kanji had ever experienced before, largely because the Shadow was weirdly armoured. Every punch and kick he threw hurt him in return; he stubbed his toes against the hard metal, his hands were red raw from hitting it again and again. Even if he used the metal sheet the rebound made his bones ache. Chie was similarly suffering; every kick had her wincing in pain. But eventually it was over. The Shadow fell. 

“Finally!” Yosuke said, shaking his hands. Kanji made his way over to Naoto, relieved to see that Rise was with her.

“Is she okay?” Chie asked. She unceremoniously dropped to the floor and began massaging her abused shins. 

“Ngh…” Naoto moaned. She was curled up tight in the corner of the room, her cap pulled down over her eyes. Rise gently shook her shoulder. 

“Hey. Are you awake?” Naoto blinked against the bright lights of the facility and moaned. She looked pale. Kanji knelt by her side, putting a hesitant hand on Naoto’s arm to steady her as she fought to sit up. Her skin was ice cold. He wanted to scoop her in her arms, to provide some sort of protection, but... couldn’t. Not with everyone here. Not without knowing he wouldn't be pushed away. He felt himself blushing at the thought. He hoped no one noticed. 

“Where am I…? I remember you all arriving, and- that's right. You saw everything…” Naoto paused, wiping her eyes from sleep, or, maybe, a few tears. 

“It’s alright. We will get you out of here soon-” Rise said. Naoto shook her head. 

“I… I think I need to explain…” 

“You don’t have to. It can wait-” Kanji started to say, but Naoto cut him off. 

“It is about what I told you in the club. I need... to tell you the whole story.” She paused, composing herself, taking her cap off and running her hands through her short hair. “I… I lost both my parents in an accident. I was still young, so my grandfather took me in. I… I was inept at making friends… so I...I spent my time reading detective novels in my grandfather's study and wanted nothing more than to be an awesome, hard-boiled detective.” Kanji saw her blush and look away. She took a deep breath before continuing.  

“My parents… they were proud of their job. I had no qualms about following in their footsteps. An inherited occupation can feel stifling to many, but I welcomed it. I  _ yearned  _ for the day I could be a detective myself. Perhaps I inherited that desire from them as well.” Naoto was focussing on the floor. She looked incredibly sad, her eyes downcast and her entire body tense and trembling slightly.  

“I was always alone... and seeing that, my grandfather must have believed it was his duty to help me realize my dream. I secretly aided my grandfather with his clients, and before I knew it, people started calling me Junior Detective.” A small smile appeared on her lips and she looked up, quickly looking between Kanji and Rise. “At first, I was delighted... but not everything went so smoothly.”

“What was that you said about "You're only a child..."?” Rise asked gently. Naoto was visibly swaying. She tucked her knees to her chest to stabilise herself and when she spoke again there was a definite stutter to her voice.  

“Not everyone welcomes my c-collaboration when it comes to s-solving cases. My status as a "child" was s-sufficient to offend many of those whom I worked with. Were that the only issue, then it would have resolved itself with time.” She looked about to faint. 

“Do you not like being a girl…? Is that why you always dress like a boy?” Rise asked. Kanji looked away. 

“My sex doesn't fit m-my ideal image of a detective. Besides, the police department is a male-oriented society. If they had the slightest "concrete" reason to look down on me, no one would need me anymore…” 

“You don't know that.” Kanji said, fighting back a sudden wave of emotion he felt for Naoto. He had no idea how to articulate how he felt, but it made his voice raw. Naoto looked directly at him, and then looked at the hand on her arm as if noticing it for the first time. He hastily removed it, rubbing the back of his head. She smiled and Kanji felt his heartbeat quicken. 

“You may be right.” She glanced over to the crumpled form of her Shadow. It raised it’s head as if aware of the attention it was receiving, and looked at Naoto, it’s yellow eyes dull. 

“I'm sorry… I kept ignoring you,” Naoto said, raising her voice so her Shadow could hear her. “I was pretending you didn't exist. But you  _ are  _ me… and I am you.” The Shadow stood up and limped over to where Naoto was sitting, dragging one leg as if injured. It sat down next to her. Kanji remembered what his Shadow looked like up close and felt a shiver go down his spine. There was something so uncanny about this shit.  

“You've always been inside me. What I should yearn for, no, what I must strive for isn't to become a man. It's to accept myself for who I really am…” the Shadow closed its eyes, shimmered and vanished. Naoto let out a deep breath and chuckled. 

“In an case, you’re a devious bunch. I can’t believe you kept something like this hidden for so long.” She giggled and swayed again, brushing her hair out of her eyes. “…No… no wonder the perpetrator has eluded the police…but it's apparent now… this case is far from over.”

“That's right… And you proved it, Naoto.” Yosuke said. Naoto smiled, and then collapsed to one side. Kanji managed to catch her, putting his arm around her shoulders and having her lean on him.  Her face was ashen, the dark bags under her eyes. 

“We need to get her out of here.” Kanji said to Yu. Naoto was breathing heavily, her eyes scrunched closed. Kanji remembered exactly how this place made you feel - she probably had one hell of a headache. 

* * *

 

The walk back through the facility was slow going. The power had been completely cut, and that far underground there was no natural light filtering through to help them see. They were using the light from their mobile phones to guide the way. As a result they were all walking close together, with Rise at the lead in order to guide them back out. 

Naoto was not in a fit state to walk under her own power, despite her weak protests to the contrary, and so Kanji carried her back to the entrance, relying on others to know where to go. He didn’t think it was possible, but Naoto felt even lighter in his arms than Rise did. Naoto seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness, her head resting against his chest, and didn’t participate in the conversation going on around her.  

“Sheesh… She really put her life on the line for this…” Chie said, walking next to Kanji, inspecting Naoto’s exhausted face from the dim light of her phone. 

“But without her efforts, we'd never have realized that the culprit is still at large,” said Yukiko. 

“You're too frickin' reckless, dammit…” Kanji said quietly to Naoto. His words were harsh, but his tone was soft. 

“I… I never doubted that you'd all come for me…Although... the reality turned out to be far beyond what I'd imagined.” Naoto muttered. She _was_ awake then. Kanji clicked his tongue.

“Tch… What a dumbass. You're no genius at all. We were tearing our hair out over you…” Naoto didn’t respond.  

“You were very worried about her, Kanji!” Rise said from up front. He didn’t realise she was close enough to hear him. He blushed.

“Shuddup! M-Mind your own damn business!” Rise giggled. Kanji was glad that he couldn’t see anyone’s expression. 

They eventually reached the entrance, and came through in the usual place in Junes. It was late- it wouldn’t be long until the store closed, but the department store was still brightly lit and the Junes jingle played on repeat. After such a long time walking in the dark, the contrast was jarring. 

“Are you okay to take her home? I don't think she can go back by herself.” Yukiko asked once they were away from the TV section and away from prying eyes.  

“It's… all right… I can…” Naoto was weakly struggling in Kanji’s hold, trying to make him put her down. He tightened his grip in order not to drop her.  

“No way, missy! Don't think that doing everything on your own is the "adult"  thing to do!” Rise said, shaking her finger at Naoto. “C'mon, let's go, Kanji”. 


	13. Chapter 13

5th October 2011

The rain had already begun to subside as Kanji carried Naoto through Inaba, the heavy downpour from earlier had relented to a persistent drizzle. The air had a cloying humidity to it, hinting at the fog which was sure to come by dawn. Naoto had reluctantly accepted that that she wouldn’t be allowed to walk, and was seemingly dozing in his arms though with her cap was pulled down covering most of her face he couldn’t tell for sure. He’d laid his school jacket over her to shield her from the worst of the rain, and as a result he was soaked through. His t-shirt was clinging uncomfortably to his skin, water running down his hair into his eyes. 

Rise led the way to an apartment building in the residential district. She was unnecessarily chirpy despite the late hour, chatting to both him and Naoto, though neither of them responded much. It didn’t seem to deter her. Suddenly she stopped in her tracks and Kanji nearly walked into the back of her.   

“Ah, this should be the right place! Right, Naoto-kun?” she asked. Kanji frowned, unsure; the building was deserted and none of the neighbouring apartments were lit. He rearranged his grip on Naoto. His arms were getting tired. It had been a long walk and he was freakin’ exhausted. 

“...yeah. Second floor,” Naoto murmured. She was rousing herself, rubbing her eyes, flinching as raindrops splashed on her face. 

They carefully made their way up some stairs and finally reached Naoto’s address. Kanji was relieved to finally be able to put her down as she fumbled with her keys, taking a moment before finally opening the door and letting the three of them pour into the hallway. Kanji was thankful to be out of the rain. Inside the apartment was desolate, unlived in, cold. His skin was covered in goosebumps from the icy rain, and as he rubbed his bare arms to banish away the shivers, feeling them tingle as the sensation flooded back, he realised how glad he was to finally be indoors.

“Thank you for escorting me home,” Naoto said, leaning heavily on the wall as she took off her shoes. Her small frame was swamped in Kanji’s jacket, the size of it making her appear more slight than usual, almost delicate.  _ She looks like her Shadow, her sleeves hanging over her hands like that. _ “Though I have to say that I feel it was, um,  _ unnecessary  _ for you to-”

“Don’t be silly, Naoto-kun! There was no way we would leave you,” Rise said, folding her umbrella and smiling brightly. She didn’t look even a little tired. Kanji was jealous. “And besides, Kanji-kun ended up carrying  _ me  _ back from the Club that one time when I couldn’t walk. Remember, on Port Island?” Kani felt his face go red, and he looked away. The hell was Rise bringing  _ that  _ up…?

“Kanji… I…um..” Naoto blushed, looking flustered, “uh… you’re drenched, let me get…” She took a step into the hallway but her knees buckled and she swayed to one side. Rise let out a surprised squeak and, moving quickly, Kanji caught her by her shoulders before she tripped. 

“‘s’alright. Just… uh... just go to bed. Y’ probably feel like hell.” He said, as she used his arm to balance herself. She didn’t meet his eye. 

“But... you and Rise… you came all the way over here-”

“We’ll be  _ fine _ . Do you need any help?” Rise toed off her shoes and joined Naoto in the hallway. She gently put her arm around Naoto’s shoulders, who stiffened at the touch, looking uncomfortable at the close contact. 

“No, I’m just... tired… you don’t need to-”

“Ok, missy, enough of that. Lead the way!” Naoto tried to protest but Rise fussed over her, helping her to her room. Kanji stood awkwardly in the hallway, rainwater dripping off of his sodden clothes and making a puddle on the floor. With Rise busy helping Naoto, he felt useless, at a loose end.  To busy himself he glanced around what he could see of the tiny apartment. In _his_ house, nearly every wall had some sort of cabinet displaying crockery or little craft items that his mother collected and traded as part of her hobby; every flat surface had photos, souvenirs, memories. Everything was carefully organised to have a place, and his mother had often yelled at him for leaving things out, or not tidying craft things away. But here, there was just... _nothing_. No personal items, no pictures, very little furniture from what he could see. It felt lonely. 

Rise reappeared from a room further into the apartment, holding a folded towel and his jacket. 

“She’s gone to bed. She looked exhausted,” she said, handing him the towel. He nodded in thanks and vigorously rubbed his short hair. 

“Yeah. We weren’t in the TV as long as she was. And, I don’t know about you but I felt like shit for days afterwards.” He rested the towel over his shoulders and shook his head, making his hair settle over his forehead from where it was mussed. There was little he could do about his soaking clothes. 

“Oh, I was  _ really  _ sick. My grandma even brought out a doctor. I thought my head was going to explode!” Kanji nodded in agreement, remembering his days spent in bed, doing nothing but sleeping for days on end.

“Yeah. My Ma took care of me after-” Rise giggled, lifting a hand to her mouth. “What? What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, nothing, it’s just... a big burly guy like you being looked after by your  _ mother _ ...” She giggled again. Kanji felt his face go red at her teasing. 

“Sh-shut up. I felt like hell, alright?” Rise eventually stopped laughing and tilted her head to one side. Kanji felt her eyes inspecting him. 

“Wh-what?”

“Nothing...” She said, in her sing-song voice. More teasing. Kanji rolled his eyes and then glared at her. She grinned at him. “I was just thinking about you and Naoto-”

“Sh!” Kanji hushed her, casting a quick glance down the corridor towards Naoto’s room. “She’ll hear you! Anyway, I don’t wanna go into it.” He folded his arms across his chest in a defensive gesture. 

“Aww, but-”

“Rise…” He shot her look, tired eyes pleading with her to stop. She shook her head, smiling.  

“Fine, fine. You’re no fun. Anyway, we should probably get back. I bet my grandma will be wondering where I’ve got to.” 

Kanji grunted in agreement and put his jacket on over his wet t-shirt. It was still warm. He shivered, trying to put any… thoughts of Naoto to one side, and hoped to hell Rise didn’t notice the telltale blush that was undoubtedly spreading across his cheeks. Rise grabbed her umbrella and the two of them set off back to the shopping district. 

For the most part they walked in silence, the only sound being the gentle rain pattering on Rise’s umbrella. Kanji was aching all over; he was looking forward to going home to bed, though he knew he was going to be sore as hell tomorrow. His Ma was probably going to be mad at him for staying out late, and besides, he had missed dinner. His stomach growled. 

“Hey… how are you holding up?” Rise asked, breaking the comfortable silence between them. 

“Alright. We got Naoto out of there. She’s gonna be okay now, right?”

“Yeah. She collapsed into bed, but she’ll be fine. We should probably check up on her though. I know she is supposed to be living with her grandfather but it didn’t look like he had been home for a long time.”

“Yeah, it was weird. The apartment was empty. Is that where Naoto really lives?”

“Well, she’s not from round here, right? So it makes sense if her and her grandfather are just renting somewhere. You know, whilst the investigation goes ahead.”

“Oh yeah, right.” Kanji fell silent again. “Do you think we should get in touch with him?” 

“... yeah, we should. I know, we can ask Naoto for his number when we visit tomorrow.” 

They reached the shopping district a little before midnight. The rain had stopped, and a thick fog was beginning to set in. Kanji bid Rise goodnight and snuck into the shop, closing the sliding door gently, careful not to wake Ma. Once he made his way into the living room he gratefully took off his wet clothes, stripping to his underwear where he stood and leaving his school uniform in a damp pile on the floor. He’d move them tomorrow. He was way too tired to think about laundry. 

He made his way into their tiny kitchen and found some leftovers in the fridge. He hungrily took a huge bite and wandered back into the living room, food in hand. The TV was switched off. Something about it felt ominous. Kanji looked at the clock, chewing slowly, and waited patiently for the midnight channel to appear. As it ticked over to midnight, the screen flickered into life, but there was no image of a person this time. Kanji let go of the breath he wasn’t aware he was holding and swallowed his mouthful of food. 

He slumped heavily on the sofa, stretching his legs out in front of him and lolling his head over the backrest. He really hadn’t expected to be left reeling from Naoto’s Shadow this much. Sure, the stuff about being a kid and being looked down on, he understood that. He knew what it was like for people to be shit to you just because of how you looked. He was surprised Naoto was so upset about it; she always seemed controlled and confident, but then again, people were assholes, especially the police. 

He sighed, sitting up so that he could take another bite of food. As to being lonely, he knew that feeling, too. More than he would ever admit to anyone. He glanced at an old family photo on top of the TV. It was taken before dad died, at New Year a while back. Everyone was dressed in formal clothing; him and his dad in suits, his mother in one of her more ornate kimono. He must have been, what, ten? Still in elementary school, anyway. It was about then that he realised he didn’t really fit in at school, that he was  _ weird _ . He had spent so much of his life alone after that, just him and Ma. 

But, that stuff about Naoto being a girl... it was  _ because  _ of Naoto, and how he felt when they first met, that his Shadow had so much ammunition about him in the sauna. How he’d had to reconcile so much about his sexuality and all of that stuff. He had finally come to accept that he’d never got interested in girls and, instead, there was a boy that he was very much interested in. But, now, Naoto turned out to be a girl after all. A girl who was strong and mysterious and... Kanji shook his head, pushing aside the natural conclusion to  _ that  _ thought. He had no idea if his feelings  _ should  _ have changed about her. He was fairly certain that they hadn’t. And, it didn’t matter, right? Whether Naoto was a girl or boy or whatever. He just knew that she made his pulse race and his cheeks go red and that he’d not been able to stop thinking about her from the first time they met. 

Kanji finished his impromptu dinner and made his way to his room, again being careful not to slam doors or walk into anything as he picked his way through the gloom of his house. Finally reaching his room he gratefully collapsed into bed, lying face down on top of the covers and feeling all of his muscles relax. He felt like he hadn’t rested in days, weeks. He let out a small sigh, enjoying the sensation of not needing to do anything for a moment. 

A persistent, unpleasant thought came to mind, one which he had tried not to think about, but now new  _ possibilities  _ had become available he couldn’t push aside. The thought that there was no way Naoto would be interested in a guy like him. He wasn’t her type even though she was apparently very much his. How could he be? There was no way he could keep up with her academically; she was sharp, intelligent... things he knew he wasn’t. Even his Ma said that he was stupid. His history with the police was probably a huge black mark against him too, given her ‘inherited profession’. What on earth could  _ he  _ offer her?  

He didn’t know what was more unlikely; her liking him back when he thought she was a guy, or now as a girl. He let out a humourless, sardonic laugh. Once this got out around school, other guys would be interested in her too, right? What chance did he have? Naoto had been popular amongst the girls; the number of letters she’d got in her locker were testimony to that. The only glimmer of hope he could hold onto was that Naoto had not shown any interest in her admirers, from what he had seen anyway. 

So, there were two things he could do. He  _ could  _ tell her how he felt, ask her out... and probably get rejected thus making all of the midnight-channel-investigation stuff awkward. Or he could do nothing… and pine and mope like fucking pansy, feeling like shit. 

Kanji buried his face into his pillow in frustration. This was stupid to think about. 

* * *

 

6th October 2011

Rise had spent lunchtime thus far trying to convince him that the two of them should go over and visit Naoto after school. Kanji was reluctant; Naoto had proven that she wasn’t the type to want fussing over, and, though he didn’t want to admit it, he was nervous as hell seeing her again. 

“But Kanji-kun! It makes sense for  _ us  _ to go!” she said, pouting over her lunch. They were back in their usual spot on the roof, away from the mob of students. 

“What about Yukiko-senpai? Can’t you take her with you?” He grumbled, stabbing at his gyuudon with his chopsticks. 

“She is probably busy with the inn. You know how she works part time there after school.”

“Chie-senpai, then.” Rise made a face. 

“Chie-senpai... isn’t exactly the nurturing type.”

“And I am?!” Kanji raised his eyebrow at her. She giggled and shook her head.

“Well, no. But, you know how to cook.” 

“What? No I don’t…” He clicked his tongue and frowned in annoyance. “Tch-  _ I  _ never told you that.”

“My grandma and your mother talk.” Rise said, fluttering her eyelashes. “She says that you know your way around the kitchen and that sometimes you even cook dinner.” Kanji felt his face go red, his scowl deepening. 

“Sh-shut up. I ain’t-” Rise hand waved his excuses, grinning. He sullenly resumed finishing his lunch, angrily chewing at Rise smiled triumphantly at him. The bell chimed, signalling the end of break. Rise took the last bite of her food as she grabbed her school bag, slinging it over her shoulder. 

“Anyway, we can’t leave Naoto on her own. We should go. I’ll meet you at the lockers after class!” 

The afternoon passed slowly; Kanji felt himself clock-watching as the lectures dragged on. Not that he was looking forward to going to see Naoto or anything; he kinda dreaded it, but the entire visit was looming and he wanted to get it over with. It wasn’t like he paid much attention to stuff like English anyway; the lesson was basically a waste of time. 

Eventually four o’clock rolled around, and, true to her word, Rise was waiting for him by the lockers. They first dropped by Junes to pick up some groceries, which Kanji naturally ended up brow-beaten into carrying even though it was Rise’s idea, before heading back to Naoto’s apartment. He felt himself become more anxious, an unfamiliar feeling of dread creep in the back of his mind. Why the hell was he being so tense? He had a reason to go visit Naoto. It wasn’t as though he was stalking her, or being a creep.  _ Quit being such a pussy. Dumbass.  _

They headed up the stairs to the second floor and found the apartment. He maneuvered the groceries to be held by only one arm and knocked on the door with his now-free hand, a sharp rap with his knuckles to hide his nervousness. There was no answer. He looked at Rise for help. She shrugged so he knocked again.

“Hey, Naoto? It’s me, Kanji. Uh...Rise’s here too.”   

No reply. 

“Try the door?” Rise said, standing on tiptoes to see if she could peer through the window.

He tried the handle; the door was locked. He’d expected as much; Naoto wasn’t the sort to leave her door open. He shot Rise a quizzical look and shrugged his shoulders. He was about to suggest that they leave when he heard the click of the lock and the door open. The apartment was gloomy, despite the mid-afternoon autumn sun, and very humid.

Naoto was standing in the hallway still wearing her clothes from yesterday, her dark hair disheveled from sleep, deep bags under her eyes. She looked like death warmed over; her skin was pale and sallow. She swayed as though at any moment she would collapse.

“Hey… uh… we’re just here to check up on you. Check if you needed anything...” Kanji said, standing back, almost hiding behind the bags of groceries he was carrying. Naoto grunted in reply, rubbing her eyes against the bright light of the afternoon, looking between him and Rise.

“Oh. No. I don’t think so.” She was trembling slightly, and looked unsteady on her feet. 

“We’re gonna cook for you!” Rise said, smiling cheerfully, gesturing to the groceries Kanji was defensively brandishing in front of him. Naoto blinked in confusion.

“No… that isn’t necessary…”

Rise leaned forward and peered at Naoto’s face. “Why don’t you go back to bed while we prepare things? Kanji and I can manage, right Kanji-kun?” He felt tongue tied. He didn’t answer. 

“I... you don’t need to...” she shuffled from foot to foot, looking uncomfortable. Rise’s expression softened.

“You don’t look too good. Have you eaten anything? Are you hungry?” 

“No. Not really. Um. I have a headache.”

“Then, how about I’ll fix you some painkillers, and we can eat later. Trust me, it’ll help a bunch,” Rise said. Naoto sighed, looked at Kanji and Rise again and nodded slightly, not having the energy to argue. She turned around and unsteadily walked back to the apartment, her expression defaulting to a pained scowl. Kanji and Rise took their shoes off in the hall and followed her inside.

The main room was as sparse as the hallway, furnished with only the most basic of furniture: a sofa, a large dining table, an armchair. There was a small kitchenette along one wall, with an unused stove and a small pristine sink. The table showed the only signs of someone living there; it was covered from edge to edge with books, papers, folders. Many of them had bookmarks sticking out of the top – little scraps of paper, or corners folded down. It all looked very important. Kanji had always figured Natoto to be quite a neat freak, considering how meticulous she was; it just seemed at odds with the piles of books and strewn pieces of paper. 

Naoto protested going back to bed with the two of them there, and she and Rise reached a compromise of Naoto settling down on the sofa instead whilst they prepared dinner. Unhappy with the situation but being unable to change it,  Naoto went into, presumably, her bedroom and grabbed the duvet from the top of a haphazardly laid out futon. She all but dragged it into the main room, wrapping herself in the voluminous folds of the fabric, sulking slightly. Kanji watched her collapse onto the sofa, pulling the duvet tightly around her as if she were cold despite the cloying heat of the apartment. He figured it was a bit of an act, all of the moping and scowling, that she was trying to hide weakness behind low-level hostility. He tried not to stare, and to distract himself brought the groceries in and set them down on the counter, whilst Rise began to tidy away the papers on the table. Naoto looked like she was about to comment as Rise disassembled her organised chaos, but instead buried her face into the duvet with a distressed moan. 

“I’ll… uh… I’ll make some soup,” Kanji said, to the room in general as he took out the ingredients from their packaging, “you can have it when you feel better, if you don’t feel up to it right now...” Naoto grunted in response. Not discouraged, he began hunting around the kitchen for the things he needed. It was ridiculously sparse and everything looked unused; it was a freakin’ miracle she managed to cook anything. He felt like an intruder, and it was beginning to piss him off. 

“She doesn’t look too good, does she,” Rise said quietly, as she carefully stacked the books on top of each other before moving them to the edge of the table where they would be out of the way. They both looked back at Naoto, still stubbornly curled on the sofa rather than in her own bed, the part of her face still visible scowling at the world. Kanji sighed and shook his head, grunting in agreement. 

“I dunno what else we can to do to help. I just kinda slept it off.” Kanji prepared dinner in silence, slicing vegetables and tofu for  _ kenchin-jiru _ . There was something relaxing about preparing food, in a similar way that sewing was. It was almost methodical, soothing, and took his concentration so he didn’t have to focus on other things. 

“Is dinner ready yet? I’m starving.” Rise stood up from what she was doing and tip-toed over to Kanji, trying to peek over his shoulder to see what he was doing.

“I’m workin’ on it,” Kanji said, continuing to prepare the food.  He swatted her away as she tried to steal a piece of sliced carrot. 

“It’s too warm in here. It’s making me sleepy,” she complained, rubbing her eyes and yawning like a cat. Kanji made a noise of agreement, finishing chopping the daikon and carrots, before starting to slice the mushrooms. Rise sighed, and when Kanji turned his head to look at her he found her pouting, her eyes wide as she fluttered her eyelashes. 

“What d’you want?”

“Don’t  _ you  _ think it is too stuffy in here, Kanji-kun?” Kanji sighed and threw open the nearby windows in an attempt to let in some fresh air. The air in the apartment  _ was  _ unbearably stale after all. The late-afternoon light hit Naoto’s half-covered face and she groaned, wincing and using the covers to block out the sun. Kanji jumped at the sound, closing the shutters quickly, feeling guilty at unwittingly causing her pain. 

_ Wait, the light… Naoto had said that she had a headache, right? _

“Oh, shit, sorry. One sec…” He abandoned preparing vegetables and turned his attention to finding painkillers. Rise went back to her task of tidying away. He opened a few cupboards, rummaging through the few items in there and eventually found some, a few pills rattling around in the bottom of a bottle. He got some bottled water from the fridge and filled a tall glass, trying not to fumble in this haste. 

Naoto was dozing, the blanket tucked under her chin as she gripped onto it tightly. She was frowning, her eyes firmly closed, her cheeks and forehead a sickly pink. Enveloped in the folds of the duvet as she was, she looked immensely vulnerable as her body fought to repair itself from the after-effects of being trapped in the TV world for so long. Kanji set the water and the painkillers down on a little table and knelt on the floor in front of her. After a moment’s deliberation, with a shaky hand he touched her forehead; it was slicked with sweat and she was feverishly hot. 

“Naoto?” He said, trying to keep the worry from his voice. 

“Mmph.”

“Naoto, listen to me. You’re burning up. You need to take these.”

“...tired...” her voice was no more than a whisper. 

“I know. Look, you’ll feel better if you do.” She scowled, her eyes still closed, and sighed. She reluctantly roused herself. Kanji handed her the painkillers and water, trying hard not to look at her. She took the pills first, taking them dry before taking the smallest sip of water. He gestured her to drink more but she shook her head before settling back down. 

She was really sick, huh. He hadn’t been this bad, he was sure of it. He stood up awkwardly, taking care to leave the glass within Naoto’s reach. He glanced over her; looking at her now, with her hair slightly too long and falling over her eyes and face relaxed in sleep he wondered how on earth he had mistaken her for a boy. He’d always thought that she was too cute ...pretty… but, for some reason never made the leap that she was hiding that part of herself from the world. Was he really  _ that  _ dumb? 

“How is she?” Rise asked, taking care to keep her voice low. She had finished her task; in one corner all of the books had been carefully organised, the folders put like with like, and the loose papers neatly stacked. Kanji turned to face her but didn’t get a chance to reply. “Oh… are  _ you  _ okay, Kanji-kun? You look a bit red…” Rise raised her eyebrow at him. She sat at the table, her head resting in her hands, looking directly at him and smiling. 

“I… uh… shuddup. It’s nothin’...,” he said, feeling out of his depth. He both simultaneously wished Rise wasn’t there, and that more people were here to take control of the situation. He had no idea what he was doing. How were you meant to take care of a sick person anyway? What were you supposed to  _ do _ ? Why did he let Rise convince him that this was a good idea…? 

“You sure...?” He grunted and went back to preparing dinner, ignoring the look Rise was giving him, feeling it bore into his back. He put the vegetables in the stock and let it simmer on the stove. There, almost done. 

“So, we didn’t catch the killer then.” Rise said, finally changing the subject after what he felt was a prolonged silence. “Someone is still out there. I wonder if Naoto managed to see who it was...” Kanji made a noncommittal sound in response. “I mean, I don’t remember much about what happened, but Naoto  _ is  _ a detective. Maybe she managed to find some clue as to who it was. Did you see anything?” 

“I already told Yu-senpai and the others, but no, I didn’t see nothin’.. and even if I did, my memory ain’t so good about it. It was late at night... I  _ think  _ I put up a fight…. I remember hurtin’ a lot, but that coulda just been the effect of being inside the TV...” he wracked his memory for any detail of that night all those months ago. If anything his memory was even hazier now. He frowned.

“Hmm, well, when she feels better we should all meet up. See if we can finally solve this thing. It’s such a pain; I really thought we had got the right guy...” 

“Yeah…” A rich aroma was starting to permeate the air of the apartment. Kanji felt his stomach growl.

“Oh! That smells good!” She perked up, springing out of her seat, getting underfoot as she tried to peer under the lid of the pot. Kanji rolled his eyes and gently moved her out of the way.

“Sound surprised, why don’cha,” he said, archly, and she giggled. Naoto stirred on the sofa and Kanji gestured for Rise to be quiet.

“Is she asleep?” Rise asked, edging closer to Naoto, leaning forward to try and inspect her face. Naoto didn’t make a sound. 

“Maybe? This won’t take long to cook, just waiting for the vegetables. If she ain’t up for eating we should go. Store this for later.” He was glad for the excuse to leave. 

“Aww, but I’m hungry…” Rise turned to face him, pouting. She put one hand on her hip. Kanji shook his head. 

“I dunno. It’d just be weird, eating in someone else’s house without them.” Kanji turned his attention back to the pot and stirred the contents. It looked good. 

“But…” She shook her head, making her pigtails bounce. “Fine, let’s go to Aiya, then! You can treat me. Oooh! And then you can tell me about… stuff!” She winked at him and he felt his stomach drop.

“Wh-what? No! There’s nothing-”

“Sure there is! There is so much you gotta tell me!” She giggled and playfully pushed his shoulder. He scowled. “So,” she said, lowering her voice conspiratorially. “She’s totally cute, right?” Kanji felt his face go red and he turned away. “Oh, is that a yes? It is, isn’t it! I knew it, I knew it!” Kanji shook his head and tried to ignore her. She didn’t let up pestering him and it was getting on his nerves. He tried to distract himself with practical tasks at hand. 

Eventually the soup was done. Kanji managed to find a few bowls, and he carefully divided the soup into a few portions under the curious and piercing gaze of Rise.  _ This should be enough to keep Naoto going for a little while _ . He put the food in the fridge. 

“Right, I’m outta here,” he announced.

“We should write a note or something, for when she wakes up.” Rise said, as Kanji headed towards the door. “Oh hey, should we be leaving her on the sofa? Won’t that be bad for her?” Rise hung back, looking over to Naoto. She was fast asleep. 

“Um. I dunno. Come on Rise, let’s go.” 

“You seem like you wanna leave a little too much,” she said pointedly. “I’m going to get her to go to bed.” She knelt over Naoto and gently shook her shoulder. 

“Hey, hey Naoto-kun?” Naoto didn’t stir. Rise frowned and tried again, shaking her a little harder. “Naoto? Wake up?” Naoto made a sleepy noise, but didn’t open her eyes. Rise looked over to Kanji and shot him a pleading look. 

“Wh-what? Why’re you lookin’ at me like that?”

“We need to put her to bed-”

“I can’t go in there!” He spluttered, trying hard to keep his voice low. “What if she wakes up and thinks-”

“Oh for goodness sake, you can see her futon from here. I’ll come with you. Just, pick her up and put her to bed.” 

“I...I…” he spluttered, going red. He already felt like an intruder, and had done the entire time he was here, and Rise was pushing him too far. He clenched his fists and looked around, helplessly. This was  _ stupid _ . 

“Come on?” Kanji sullenly came over and as carefully as he could scooped Naoto up in his arms for the second time in as many days. His face a deep crimson, he carefully carried her to her bedroom trying hard not to disturb her, and praying to every god and ancestor he knew the name of that she wouldn’t awaken. This felt different, somehow, to carrying her back from the bunker, and it was making him uncomfortable as hell. Rise led the way, and had an impish grin on her face. He scowled in return. Naoto didn’t move; she was fast asleep. 

Naoto’s bedroom was in complete disarray; clothes, books, and official looking folders were heaped in a disorganised mess. He tried hard not to look at the various items strewn around the room, though a pistol casually lying on the floor by the bed caught his eye.  _ Was that real? Did Naoto know how to use that?  _ With a bit of maneuvering he managed to lie her down on her futon. Rise fussed over her, rearranging the duvet, ensuring she was comfortable. He strode from the room, his job done. Rise emerged not long after, closing the door behind her, smiling slightly. She flashed a winning smile at Kanji.  

“So, shall we go to Aiya?”


	14. Chapter 14

11th October 2011

A crisp breeze cut through the warm morning as Kanji casually sauntered to school, enjoying the warm rays on his back and the cool wind on his face. He freakin’ loved autumn. The maple trees were in the early stages of turning into their impressively vibrant colours, and his route to school was shifting from summer’s lush and verdant greens, to soon be ablaze with reds, golds and oranges. 

He ran into Yosuke, Yu, Chie, and Yukiko along the riverbank, and seeing them compounded his good mood. It felt pretty good to be part of a group again; he hadn’t realised how much he enjoyed hanging out with them socially, even if it was just walking to school. Plus, he thought, it meant that Rise couldn’t continue her persistent line of interrogation about exactly  _ what  _ he thought of Naoto. She’d been bugging him for  _ days _ . She was conspicuously missing now, though. Perhaps she had already gone ahead. 

The conversation was mainly idle; he didn’t contribute much and instead let himself enjoy the morning. Listening to Yukiko and Chie happily talk about their upcoming weekend plans and Yu and Yosuke compare their previous city lives made him feel included. That he was one of them. It was as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and even though they were technically no closer to catching the bastard throwing people into the TV world, there was no immediate need to go back there. Everyone could just  _ relax  _ for a bit. No one had died; they had saved someone again. And not just anyone- they had rescued  _ Naoto _ . She was fine, even if she posed a new set of problems for him. Whatever, he could think about that later.  

He was surprised to see Naoto patiently waiting for them as they approached Yasogami; it hadn’t been that long since she was barely able to keep conscious, looking sickly and pale. She seemed a hell of a lot better now. She stood stiffly by the front gates, her satchel in hand, her hat pulled down low. He noticed that she was wearing the boy’s uniform. She smiled as they approached, and he felt his heartbeat quicken, his relaxed mood quickly dissipating. 

“Good morning,” she said, politely, nodding her head.   

“N-Naoto… I mean, uh, ‘morning....” he blurted out, hating himself for stuttering. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. Yukiko and Chie didn’t seem to notice - they ran towards Naoto, Yukiko pulling her into an awkward hug. 

“Naoto-kun!” Yukiko exclaimed, smiling warmly as she pulled away. Naoto’s face was slightly red and she coughed, adjusting the collar of her uniform. 

“Are you feeling better now?” Chie asked, peering closely at her, “Rise-chan told us that you were really sick!” 

“Yes, thanks to all of you,” Naoto said, taking a step back, away from the girls’ scrutiny. “I’d like you thank you once again for what happened.” 

“Don’t mention it,” Yosuke said, grinning. “But, hey, your uniform…?” 

“Huh?” Naoto looked self-conscious for a second, as she looked down. “Ah, yes. After contemplating the matter, I went with what I have been wearing thus far. There’s no need for you to-” 

“Hey look, it’s the Detective Prince!” Naoto was cut off as a small group of students passed the front gates. 

“That’s no  _ Prince _ . I heard, ‘he’s’ a she!” One of the boys said, sneering slightly as he looked Naoto up and down. Kanji felt his fists subconsciously clench. 

“Huh?! Y-You serious? If he’s a she then… uh, oh-oh crap…!”  

“Aww… I’m kinda disappointed,” a girl said, joining in, “but then again, there’s something neat about it...” she ran a hand through her short brown hair, blushing slightly as she passed. Kanji felt a bubble of jealousy rise in his chest which he tried to quell.  

“Yeah… if you look at it a certain way, doesn’t she seem pretty cool?” Her friend said as they both glanced at Naoto before hurrying away, giggling and whispering. Kanji studied Naoto’s expression, but she didn’t let on if she was upset. In fact, she was smirking. 

“My, my… rumours spread so quickly,” she muttered, folding her arms across her chest as she watched the group of students pass. 

“We are on  _ your  _ side, Naoto-kun,” Yu said, decisively. “Whatever happens, we have your back.” Naoto looked at him, searching his face for any hint of sarcasm or irony, and looked away. 

“Th-thank you but… it doesn’t bother me at all. There’s no need to worry on my behalf. So, please, treat me as you did before.” She unfolded her arms and readjusted her hat. “That aside, I’d like you discuss the case with you all. We’re dealing with a kidnap-and-murder case perpetrated by someone lurking in this very town. And it isn’t over yet. Let’s go over the finer points after school.”

“Sure. We can meet at our special headquarters!” Chie said, looking excited. The bell rang and the second years made their way until the building. Kanji made to follow them. 

“Kanji-kun?” Naoto called to him, a light blush on her cheeks.Kanji stopped in his tracks.

“Huh?” He turned to face Naoto, slightly wide eyed. “‘sup?” 

“Kanji-kun… I... I would like to thank you personally for your attentiveness whilst... visiting me the other day. You… ah... contributed a great deal to my recovery.” She was blushing, trying to make an effort to be sincere. 

“Uh… it was nothin’,” Kanji said, shuffling his feet. “And I’m sorry if I… I mean, I didn’t mean to-”

“I appreciate that I must have been difficult to care for; being looked after in such a fashion is alien to me and I was not accustomed to that sort of treatment. But I would like to say that… it was really appreciated.” Naoto looked uncomfortable and her usual eloquence was suffering. 

“I… uh… it was  _ Rise’s  _ idea. You should thank her...” 

“Yes. Yes, of course, Rise is that sort of person, isn’t she? I shall.” She said quickly, looking relieved. “Thank you. Shall we?” She gestured into the building, and for a brief moment Kanji thought back to how he first met her. How he had met her outside of the school gates with butterflies in his stomach, and the two of them walked together along the floodplain. 

It had sorta felt like a date.  

* * *

 

Naoto was waiting for him outside of his classroom after class, leaning against the opposite wall, scribbling into a small notebook. She looked up when the door opened.

“Kanji-kun.” She nodded in greeting. 

“Naoto…?” 

“I have already met Yu-senpai and the others. They will meet us at Junes. Shall we?” she said, flipping her notebook closed and carefully slipping it into the back pocket of her satchel. Out of the corner of his eye Kanji saw Rise further down the corridor. She took a step towards him, then stopped, grinned, and turned on her heels.  _ The hell, Rise!.  _

“Uh, yeah, sure...” he trailed off, still watching Rise walk down the corridor with a spring in her step. Naoto gave him a side-eyed look.

“Shall we ask Rise to join us?” Naoto asked. Kanji swore he heard … something… in her voice. Amusement, maybe? Or annoyance? He couldn’t tell. 

“Nah, it’s fine... I mean, if you don’t mind, or would you rather Rise-” he hastily tried to backtrack but Naoto cut him off. 

“It is fine on my account. I am just aware that the two of you are close, and was just wondering if you would rather we all went together.”

“It ain’t like that!” Kanji said quickly, raising his hands in defense. “She already left, anyway.” 

Naoto didn’t say anything for a moment, before shrugging and continuing down the corridor. Kanji walked by her side, the two of them briefly stopping by the lockers to change their shoes, before heading towards Junes. 

“I spoke to Rise over lunch, by the way, thanking her for her help during my recovery.”

“Yeah?” 

“She was rather adamant that it she was merely accompanying you, and that you are the one largely deserving of my thanks. She was rather dismissive of her own contribution.” Kanji swore he saw Naoto smile, as if she had heard a rather funny joke. 

“So, uh, how’re you feelin’?”

“As I said this morning, much better, thank you.”

“So, what do you wanna talk about at Junes?”

“I think it would be better if I were to address you all.”

“Oh. Okay. Uh… so why didn’t you walk with the others?” It had been bugging him, and more troublingly, making him hope unreasonable things. Naoto stopped for a moment, then resumed her pace next to him, looking slightly embarrassed. 

“I want to… I would appreciate it if… I mean…” she cleared her throat. Kanji watched her out of the corner of his eye.

“Is there somethin’ you wanna talk to  _ me  _ about…?” Kanji bluntly asked, the words forming before he had chance to think.

“What? No, not especially. I-” She stopped again; Kanji took a few steps forward before he realised that she had trailed behind again, and he turned to face her. 

“What is it?” His heart was in his mouth, suddenly nervous of what she had to say. 

“I… I want to join you. All of you,” Naoto said, speaking quickly, quietly. “I already knew you are working on the case, but now I am fully aware of how exactly you are contributing. I have come to understand that your methodology may be the only way that there is a chance we can catch the perpetrator. I want to join your efforts and… I want you to accept me.” 

“Huh. Well, I can’t see that bein’ a problem,” he shrugged, disappointment and relief washing over him in equal measure. 

“Do you think Yu-senpai will let me?” Naoto began walking again, and the two of them continued along the river bank.

“Well, yeah. You’re damn smart and... I mean, he let all of us help after what happened to us. Me an’ Rise joined after we were rescued so…” 

“Oh. Yes, thank goodness.”  _ And here I am thinking that you wanted to spend time with me. I gotta stop getting my hopes up about that, huh. Done it way too often.  _

They finally arrived at Junes and made their way to the roof. Just as Naoto had said, the others were already there, waiting for them. Two empty chairs remained around the table and Kanji slumped into his, settling into a familiar position with his elbows resting on his knees. Naoto sat next to him, her back straight, sitting primly as she waited for the idle chatter to settle and they could get to business.   

“First I heard the doorbell ring, but when I opened the front door I saw no one there. Just as alarm bells sounded in my mind, someone grabbed me roughly from behind and covered my mouth. Immediately afterwards, I was put into something like a sack, and most likely carried on the culprit’s shoulder.” Her voice had slipped into a narrative as she recited the details of that night. She must have spent a long time thinking about what she was going to say, Kanji thought. 

“Wow, you remember all that?” Rise said, resting her head on her interlaced fingers as she listened to the story. 

“The culprit seems to have used a chemical to incapacitate me, but luckily I wasn't completely unconscious. I had been expecting a trick along those lines, so I was somewhat prepared. And, of course, I was desperate to gather as much information as I could.” 

“No wonder you’re an ace detective…” Chie said. Kanji shook his head; no this wasn’t something to praise. He’d heard enough.

“That ain’t something to be proud of,” He snapped at her before turning to Naoto. “You are too damn calm about this,” he said, sullenly, catching Naoto’s eye. She shrugged and continued. 

“Judging by their actions and body type, I’d say the culprit is definitely a man. I heard no conversations or voices, so I believe he is acting alone. It’s after that that things get murky. I felt a single impact, which I assume is when I was thrown inside the TV, but the time from kidnapping to that point seemed too short. It was a matter of minutes.”

“So you were immediately thrown inside the TV after being kidnapped… oh! Could there have been a TV by the side of the road…?” Chie asked. There was a discontented murmur from the group. Kanji folded his arms. 

“Regrettably, my memory from there on is a blur,” Naoto said, her well-modulated voice slipping as she looked away, her expression downcast, almost embarrassed.

“I see, but, man… the killer came right up to the door and rang the bell? That’s just crazy” Yosuke said. 

“I finally understand why you all testified that you couldn’t recall much of what happened. Such a bizarre experience, with mental and physical fatigue on top of it… it is only natural to be confused. And going by the surrounding circumstances, my kidnapping and everyone else’s were near identical. There is no question that the culprit is the same in each case.”  

“So, that Mitsuo boy, who said he killed King Moron-” Chie said, rubbing her nose in thought. She was cut off by an uncharacteristically exuberant Naoto.

“Everything makes sense now!” Naoto said suddenly; “I can’t say for sure until I gather more concrete evidence, but Mitsuo Kubo’s only victim was Mr Morooka.  It was a copycat killing that mimicked the culprit’s method!” 

“No wonder King Moron’s death broke the pattern in so many ways,” Yosuke said, frowning. 

“The question remains, though, as to how Kubo learned of that world...” Naoto pondered aloud. She looked visibly excited, her hands shaking slightly as she worked through this new line of thought. Kanji watched her expression flicker, her eyes wide. She almost looked like a different person to the one who was so calmly giving an account of her kidnap moments before.

“That’s it! That’s what was bothering me! Mitsuo could enter the TV right? So why didn’t he kill King Moron that way?” Chie exclaimed. 

“I believe he didn't understand the other world as well as the true culprit. Even though I can now enter it myself, it wouldn't occur to me to use it for murder. And remember, the previous corpses left no sign that their deaths had anything to do with the other world. After Kubo became wanted, leaving him with nowhere to run, he probably thought for the first time… "What if I put my entire body into the TV?" The bizarre condition of the corpses that caused such commotion is probably because they died on the other side.” Naoto paused, running with a new train of thought. “It's a simpler explanation than figuring out why the killer would risk disposing of the bodies in such a way. Which means their inexplicable condition of being hung on a foggy day wasn't due to the culprit making a statement.”

She stopped and took off her cap, running her hands through her hair. She had been fidgeting the entire time she was speaking, hardly able to sit still.  

“Much of our speculation could be tested if we could ask Kubo in person.” She continued, gripping a handful of the hair and making it stick up, before idly smoothing it down under her cap once more. “However, I've unfortunately been taken off the investigation. And I highly doubt that the police will believe any of this…” she trailed off, her train of thought coming to an end. She said back heavily in her chair.

“They wouldn’t admit that it wasn’t Mitsuo in the first place. Once you’ve said something on TV, it’s not easy to admit you were wrong” Rise said, a little sadly. 

“I believe the primary cause of my dismissal was because I raised that possibility to them.” Naoto said, agreeing with her. “The police won’t readily concede that they made false charges. All the more so if the accused is a juvenile. In fact, the overwhelming sentiment within the police force is to end this case with his arrest.” 

“Even if it’s possible there could be another killer?” Chie said, sounding genuinely surprised. Kanji snorted. 

“Those bastards! I had a feeling that would be the case. Not that I trusted ‘em in the first place…” he said, rolling his eyes in annoyance. The police in this town were shit - they fucked up dealing with him all the time.

“But, uh, Naoto. If you were that calm when it happened to you, couldn’t you have, you know… isn't it kinda sad for an ace detective to go down that easily…?” Yosuke said rubbing the back of his head, seemingly disappointed. Kanji wanted to punch him. That was unfair.  Whoever was throwing people into the TV had managed to subdue all six feet of him, and he must weigh nearly twice what Naoto does. She didn’t stand a chance.

Naoto nodded sadly, and withdrew into herself, tilting her head to hide her face under her cap. 

“U-um… um… to tell you the trust, I was really scared. I-I’m sorry…” Naoto stuttered, suddenly looking deflated.  _ She really hates failure, huh.  _

“It can't be helped. None of us could resist the culprit, either.” Yukiko said, breaking the silence before turning her attention to Yosuke. “Don't forget, Naoto-kun is younger than us, and she's a  _ girl _ .”

“Oh, yeah, that's true. I keep forgetting when I see her talking like this. You know, Naoto…” Yosuke leaned conspiratorially towards her, quickly looking left and right for dramatic effect. She frowned in confusion as she leant forward to meet him over the table. “You got  _ balls _ , for a girl.” He winked and her and grinned, sitting back in his chair and laughing as Naoto turned crimson.

“R-regardless,” Naoto said, trying to ignore her embarrassment, “I have no doubt that the culprit will continue his attacks. We can only watch and wait for him to make the next move. But this is no longer a mere job, or someone else's affair. I want to know the truth of why we were targeted.”

Kanji sat back and tried to process everything. So much of what Naoto said was troubling him that he didn’t know where to start. He didn’t damn like how much danger she’d put herself in. Gettin’ herself kidnapped was a fucking  _ stupid  _ way to attempt to catch the killer. She could have been fucking killed, even if the killer hadn’t thrown her into the TV. But... so much of what she said  had made sense and she had got some pretty good information because of it. That the bastard definitely was a guy. That he was acting alone. That he had the fucking balls to walk up to their houses and ring the fucking  _ doorbell _ .  _ Dammit, maybe she was right after all  _

Kanji thought back to the night he was kidnapped. Had someone come to his front door? They hadn’t had they? They came to the house, but…. No, he went outside. It was raining. It was late and he went outside, in the rain, to meet someone and- his mind suddenly went blank. He couldn’t remember. Kanji shook his head to try and clear it, grimacing at his inability to recall even the barest details. 

“Kanji? You okay?” Rise asked, snapping him out of his thoughts. Everyone was looking at him. 

“Uh, yeah?”

“Naoto has asked to join us in the investigation - you don’t have a problem with that, do you?” Yosuke said, grinning.

“No, I don’t” Kanji said, automatically scowling at him. Why would he? Naoto was smart and, even though he was a bit hesitant to admit it, brave to the point of reckless. He hated whatever it was Yosuke was implying. 

“Thank you. I will do my best,” Naoto said, slightly bowing her head.

* * *

 

13th October 2011

  
Despite leaving Junes with renewed vigor and resolve to solve the case, they did very little work on the case over the next few days. Even Naoto, bursting with new theories and plans to apprehend the killer, seemed to push these idea aside and focus solely on her studies; midterm exams had all but snuck up on them. 

Kanji was usually ambivalent towards exams; it wasn’t as though English grammar or Japanese history would have any bearing on him inheriting the textile shop, so a passing or failing grade meant little to him. And as his Ma said, his talents were in other areas, practical ones. Just because he didn’t understand the mathematical formulae behind quadratic equations or trigonometry, he could eyeball shapes and map fabric patterns. It was far more useful to have the skills over the theory. 

But, this time felt different; he found himself dreading them. Being part of the investigation team gave him something to lose. Hell, just the thought of Naoto having any reason to think less of him was enough to force him to spend his evenings with his nose buried in a book, cursing that nothing made sense to him.

It didn’t help that teachers just had it out for him; if he was quiet in class he was accused of not paying attention, of daydreaming, or just plain being insubordinate. But if he tried to contribute, he was being disruptive by deliberately getting answers wrong. It pissed him off. And he hated the way people would snigger and stare at him. Assholes, the lot of them. 

The others seemed to be making an effort to keep up with their studies too, though he suspected Rise was using the exams to try and wrangle private ‘study time’ with Yu. She wasn’t very subtle about it. Kanji had tried to study with her initially, but she wasn’t very good for his motivation; she was easily distracted and in the areas he most needed help she was just as useless. Or, if she knew something, she was really bad at explaining it. And that would lead to her getting mad at him for not understanding her and the entire thing would end up with him getting exasperated and leaving in a huff or her getting stroppy with him. 

He was sat alone in the library after school, his textbook open in front of him and his head in his hands. He’d been staring at this page for hours, and none of it made sense. It didn’t help that the other people in the library were pissing him off. Despite it being the day before the first exam, the library seemed to have become a popular date location. Listening to other students flirting was getting on his nerves. 

“Kanji-kun? Mind if I join you?” Kanji snapped his head up at the quiet voice, slightly wide eyed. Naoto stood in front of him, awkwardly hovering over the vacant chair, holding her satchel close to her chest. He hadn’t noticed her approaching. 

“Uh, yeah, sure.” He said, gesturing to the empty seat. She carefully sat down, placing her satchel on the chair next to her, before turning her attention back to him. 

“What are you studying?” She asked, peering at his half-scribbled notes. Kanji felt self-conscious; he quickly closed his notebook so that Naoto couldn't see his paltry attempt at studying.

“Uh. Math. Mrs Nakayama’s class. Her exam’s tomorrow.”

“May I see?” She scooted closer, peering at his textbooks. 

“No… uh… I really… uh…” he trailed off. Naoto was going to think he was so dumb, he knew it. 

“Oh okay, yes I remember covering this. What would you like help with?” 

“I didn’t say I needed any help,” he snapped, feeling agitated. She was going to laugh at him when she learned exactly how little he remembered. She flinched a bit as his tone, but after a moment nodded. 

“I’m sorry. Well, I was going to study this chapter too, so, would you mind if we did it together?” She was sat so close to him. It was making him feel uncomfortable. He squirmed, shuffling in his seat.

“Uh, sure.” he said, his shoulders sagging in defeat. He reluctantly opened his notebook, hating at how untidy his handwriting was, how disorganised everything looked. Naoto pulled her notes from her satchel; her notebook was neatly filled with line after line of notes and mathematical formula. The difference between the two made Kanji snort a humourless laugh. 

“Are you alright, Kanji-kun?” Naoto said, her expression puzzled. Suddenly, raucous laughter erupted behind them, followed by shouts of “No way!” “you’re kidding me?” Naoto looked perturbed. 

“If the library isn’t helping, we could go somewhere else if you prefer? It  _ is _ rather loud in here,” Naoto said, looking around and frowning at a giggly couple more interested in each other than their work. 

“It’s a pain in the ass,” he grumbled.

“I would normally assume that the library is the place usually conducive to studying but I think I would have to agree with you here. Would you like to go somewhere else? The riverbank perhaps, or Junes? You are always welcome back at my place.” She turned red and stuttered as she realised what she said, trying to backtrack. “I mean, if you want to study. It will be quiet, after all, as my grandfather is still away on business and will certainly free of people disturbing us,” she clarified. Kanji felt himself blush in sympathy as rogue thoughts about going back to Naoto’s house ended with more than just studying.  

“Junes sounds good,” he said, trying to push those thoughts aside “I...uh… could buy you dinner. As thanks for helpin’ me out.”

“That sounds good,” she agreed, smiling shyly. With Kanji casting a final glare at the loud students, the two of them packed away their things and headed out into Inaba. 

The sun was starting to lower on the horizon, but the pleasant weather of the last few days meant that the early evening was warm. 

“I am so glad to be out of there! You would think that the faculty would say something,” Naoto said, filling the silence that had fallen upon them as they walked along the riverbank to Junes. “Is it always like that?”

“I dunno. I don’t go much.”

“What, to the library?” 

“Yeah. It’s a pain,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, not elaborating.

“Oh. Well, hopefully Junes will be better. Despite everything that has happened with the case it is imperative that everyone keeps up with their studies.”

“You sound like Yukiko-senpai,” Kanji said, “it’s all she’s been talkin’ about these past few days.”

At the department store Chie and Yosuke were already set up in their usual hangout. They seemed to have the same idea; they had various textbooks spread in front of them, though they looked largely untouched. Chie waved cheerily as Kanji and Naoto approached. 

“Hey! You guys here to study too?” Yosuke said as they made to sit down. 

“Yes. We tried to work in the library but…” Naoto said, a little sadly. 

“Heh, yeah, I don’t blame you.” Yosuke said, grinning. “Hey, did you guys see Yu and Rise-chan in there? He told me they were going to study this afternoon too.”

“No, didn’t see ‘em” Kanji said as he took out his books.  _ Rise got her way, then. _

”Huh. Fair enough. Man, it must be becoming a custom for us to meet up like this, though. Hey Chie, can I borrow your notes?” 

“Borrowing notes is becoming to be a custom too.” Chie said, rolling her eyes.“Alright, let’s get started. But first I want a melon soda,” she said pointedly. Yosuke grinned at her. 

“Is that your way of saying you’ll lend me your notes if I buy you a melon soda?” he said, trying to give her puppy eyes. Kanji sighed and opened his notebook, staring intently at his scribbles, trying to make sense of them. Next to him he was aware of Naoto getting her things out of her satchel, though she seemed keenly interested in Chie and Yosuke’s conversation.

“Could be,” Chie said. She nodded towards the soda vending machine. Yosuke sighed dramatically, and stood up, stretching.

“Oh man, the things I do…” he muttered.

“Hey, I’m doing  _ you  _ a favour!” Chie exclaimed. “Unless, you  _ don’t  _ want to borrow my notes?”

“I’d rather borrow Yukiko’s, but since she’s not here…”

“You jerk! That’s it, I’ve changed my mind!”  

“Hey, no fair! I’m getting you a soda, aren’t I?”

“Hey, Kanji-kun,” Naoto whispered, making him shiver as he felt her breath on his ear. She was leaning so close. “Yosuke and Chie seem to get along well…” she said conspiratorially, glancing over to the two of them as they bickered.   

“Yeah,” he agreed, following her gaze to watch them. Chie was now stood up, squaring off against Yosuke. She’d kick him in a moment. “Hey why don’t you two get on with it and date already,” he said loudly. 

They both stopped their squabbling in an instant, both of them turning to face him, their mouths open mid retort. Chie turned red and waved her hands in front of her in protest. 

“What? Us two..? Never!” she exclaimed, not meeting Yosuke’s eye. 

“That was quick!” Yosuke exclaimed, looking hurt. 

Kanji watched Naoto biting her lip, trying not to laugh at their reaction as they both protested. She looked... happy, or at least amused; he had never seen her smile so much. He let himself grin in return, forgetting his irritation.

Chie saw the change in his expression.

“Oh, if you’re going to be like that, how about you two! Naoto, you could go out with Kanji!” Chie said, pointing her finger at the two of them. Kanji immediately felt his face go pink, his irritation returning in an instant. Naoto didn’t fare much better - her grin from before had turned into a stricken look and she was blushing too, her eyes flitting around the room. 

“H-hey! Get bent!” he snapped, willing his blush to go away. Chie began to laugh, and playfully pushed his shoulder. He shook her hand off, scowling. 

“Oh, how cute” Yosuke said, a smirk plastered on his face, “they’re both blushing. Hey Chie, don’tcha think they’d make a cute couple?” 

“Please stop it,” Naoto said, her voice uncharacteristically soft. 

“Yeah, I do” Chie said, tilting her head to one side. “I can kinda see it working!”

“Tch, you two knock it off,” Kanji said, folding his arms, “We’re here to study, alright?”

“Sure big guy, I get you,” Yosuke said, winking. “Don’t let  _ us  _ get in your way.”

“I’m gonna kick your ass if you don’t quit it,” he retorted, tensing his shoulders and balling his hands into fists. Yosuke laughed and backed off, his hands up in mock defense.

“Alright, alright, we didn’t mean anything by it, right Chie?”

“Yeah, yeah, right... nothing at all.” She paused for a second, before a though seemingly struck her. “So, do you want us to leave you two alone…?” 

“Senpai…” Naoto said to Chie, her voice pleading. Chie grinned at her.

“Sorry, Naoto-kun,” she laughed. “Man, this is thirsty work. Hey Yosuke, where’s my soda?” 

Yosuke headed towards the vending machine and Kanji turned his attention back to his notes. This was even worse than the library. He should have taken Naoto up on her offer to go to her house-

“So, where do you want to start?” Naoto asked him, her textbook in hand. Her blush still hadn’t faded, and she was speaking quickly. Before he could answer Chie interrupted him.   

“Oh, are you helping Kanji-kun study, Naoto-kun? Hey, do you think you could help me too?” she asked, leaning over to watch what they were doing. Kanji instinctively closed his notebook so that she couldn’t see his work. 

“Oh man, is Naoto giving lessons?” Yosuke said as he returned with a can of soda in each hand. He tossed one to Chie, who effortlessly caught it. “You know, I could use some extra help-”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think that I would be able to help either of you very much,” Naoto said quickly, shaking her head. “I am not familiar with any of the second year material.”

“Too bad,” Yosuke said as he sat next to Chie. “It would have been pretty sweet to have an ace detective give some private tutoring. Right, Kanji?”

“Screw you,” he said, scowling.  

“First year stuff must be pretty easy for you, after all the cases you’ve solved,” Chie said, sipping her drink.

“I assure you, it is quite different. Whilst deductive reasoning and in depth analysis are skills honed through academia, I still have to learn school subjects the same as you do. Also, as I said before, I have to keep up with my studies if I wish to pursue becoming a detective as a career.” 

“Huh, sure…” Chie said, trailing off. “Anyway, we should get some work done.”

The evening improved after that. Once Kanji got over his initial embarrassment about how little he knew, he felt himself loosening up. He even began to reluctantly enjoy himself. It helped that Yosuke and Chie were also bad at studying, that they were easily distracted and preferred to talk. It made him feel less guilty about his own lack of progress, and occasionally it was amusing to listen to the two of them bicker. Naoto seemed to take the role of tutor into her stride, though Kanji noticed that she would fidget and tap her pen on the table when things weren’t moving along as quickly as she would have liked. Despite her quirks she was a good teacher; Kanji was impressed by how much she clearly knew, and she was no way near as impatient as Rise. Despite her best efforts though, Kanji concluded that he was bad at math. 

“Oh man, I’m beat” Chie said, rubbing her eyes. “Studying really take it out of you!”

“You’ve done nothing for the last half hour” Yosuke said “except draw a picture of a giraffe.”

“Hey! That’s not true. It’s a dog, anyway! You just don’t appreciate art.”

“You were supposed to be studying English.” Yosuke pointed out, raising his eyebrow. Chie ignored him, waving away his comment.

“Anyway, I’m heading home. I’ve gotta get an early night,” she said, yawning loudly.  She stood up, taking the last swig of her drink as she did so. “See you guys at school! Tests start tomorrow after all...” 

“Urgh, don’t remind me,” Yosuke said, dramatically dropping his head into his hands, “see you tomorrow.” Chie gave a little wave as she headed into the department store. 

“I should be leaving too,” Naoto said as Chie left. She picked up her long-since discarded cap from where she had abandoned it on the table and planted it firmly on her head. “It’s getting late; we should all get some rest.”

“Uh, yeah,” Kanji said, though he didn’t make any move to leave. He didn’t feel the least bit tired. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Naoto said to him, a small smile on her lips. Kanji felt his heartbeat quicken as he nervously smiled back, gazing into her large blue eyes. She coughed nervously, breaking eye-contact before giving a curt nod to Yosuke.

Kanji sighed as he watched Naoto go. Yosuke sat back in his chair, hands behind his head. Kanji caught him staring at him. “What?” 

“Nothing, nothing,” Yosuke said dismissively, smiling that infuriating grin. “So, you and Naoto, huh…?”

“It ain’t like that.” Kanji said quickly.

“I  _ saw  _ how you looked at her. I gotta tell ya, I’m surprised. I didn’t think you were her type.” 

“Shut it, senpai,” he said, scowling. Yosuke shrugged in response, but he was still grinning. He leaned forward.

“So what happened, huh? You went to her house, right?” 

“It ain’t…” Kanji shook his head, clicking his tongue in irritation. “Tch, whatever. Nothing happened, all right?”  

“Alright big guy, you don’t have to get defensive, I was just asking. Anyway, good luck tomorrow,” he got up and waved goodbye as he headed back into Junes.   

Kanji was left alone with his thoughts. He looked down at his notebook, now a mix of his careless scrawl and Naoto’s meticulous handwriting. His annoyance at Yosuke quickly dissipated as he thought back over the evening. He’d spent an entire evening with Naoto, and didn’t say or do anything stupid. He was proud of himself; he’d been so worried that she thought he was dumb it was a relief that it had gone as well as it had. Naoto was every bit as smart as he’d expected her to be, and what's more she seemed to  _ care _ about him, or at least, she cared if he was going to pass his exams. That had to count for something, right? Maybe if he hadn’t been such a pussy and had accepted Naoto’s offer to go to her house things might have played out differently…? 

He would have to find out. He’d ask Naoto to study with him again.  


	15. Chapter 15

16th October 2011

Kanji’s alarm clock beeped loudly on his bedside table. Groaning, he rolled over in bed, blinking owlishly at the bright light of the LED display. It was an ungodly hour to be awake on a Sunday, meeting Naoto or not. Pale light filtered in through the gap in the curtains, casting long shadows in his room. He swung his legs out of bed, stretching his back out until he heard his shoulders pop. He rolled his neck and took a deep sigh. He felt so tired; why did he agree to meet up so early? He really wasn’t a morning person. Bleary eyed, he grabbed his glasses from the bedside table, and the world shifted into focus. 

Yawning loudly, he clambered to his feet and grabbed a towel. He walked unsteadily to the bathroom ready to grab a quick shower. The  _ ofuro  _ looked incredibly inviting, the idea of a long hot soak appealing a hell of a lot, but it wasn’t worth running a bath just for him. Ma would probably go mad. Plus, he probably didn’t have the time. Shower it was, then.

Standing under the hot water, briefly escaping the chill of the morning, he thought to the day ahead. He’d managed to screw up the courage to ask Naoto directly if she’d like to study with him, and she’d agreed. It wasn’t a date or anything, he knew that, but that didn’t stop him from feeling both unreasonably happy and nervous as all hell. Yosuke had also been trying to organise a study session for the past few days, but after last time Kanji had flat out refused to join. Plus, he really needed to get Naoto alone; he was going to finally man up and confess to her how he felt.

Stepping out of the shower, he rubbed his hair vigorously before wrapping the towel around his waist. He inspected himself in the mirror, mainly checking on his hair. He’d spent a long time last night bleaching it, messing with toner to make it go from a weird orange colour to the bright blonde he preferred. It was getting long at the back; it was starting to brush his collar. Hell, if he let it grow much longer he would be able to style it in a decent approximation of a  _ riizento.  _

“Kanji-kun!” His mother called from the living room, breaking him out of his reverie. 

“I’m busy Ma!” He called back, trying to concentrate on styling his hair. 

“Kanji!” she called again, sounding more insistent. He sighed, rolling his eyes. He’d better go see what the old bag wanted. He didn’t want to piss her off; he’d been in her good books recently.

“What?!” he shouted, stomping towards the living room, wiping his gel-covered hands on the towel around his waist.  

He stopped dead at the sight of Naoto. She was sat politely next to his mother, sipping a cup of tea, her textbooks on her lap. He let out a small yelp as he spotted her. Just like with her school uniform she was still maintaining her male façade here; despite it being a weekend she was still in a smart shirt and pressed trousers. She’d removed her cap, though, and her messy black hair fell into her eyes. She seemed to be blushing as she looked everywhere around the room except at him. 

“Ah,  _ there  _ you are, Kanji-kun,” Ma said sternly, sipping from her cup. “You're not dressed yet? You have a guest. Naoto-kun tells me you were supposed to be meeting today.”

Shit, was he  _ that  _ late? How long had he been in the shower? He thought he had loads of time, last he checked. 

“I, uh, sorry Naoto, I’ll….” he made some half hearted gesture, feeling his cheeks go pink. 

“Oh please don’t rush on my account,” Naoto said, looking flustered, still not looking at him but instead finding something very interesting about the pattern on her cup. Ma’s expression had shifted to an amused smile, her eyes twinkling in a way all little old ladies seemed to know how to do. Kanji felt heat spreading across his face. This was fucking stupid. Why was Naoto  _ here _ ? Why the hell didn’t he put on some damn  _ clothes _ ? They were supposed to meet just outside the shopping district later on, he was sure of it. He was in no way prepared for this crap. The only consolation was that Naoto looked as uncomfortable as he was. 

“I’ll be right back!” He ran back to his room and quickly got dressed, hastily choosing a yellow long sleeved top and black trousers. He tossed his glasses on the bed, and grabbed random pieces of silver jewellery: necklace, watch. He cursed as he couldn’t find his earrings. Whatever, he’d have to do without. He strode back to the living room, grabbing his jacket from the hook as he went. 

“Uh, so, shall we go?” he asked, ignoring the looks he was getting from his mother. Naoto swiftly got to her feet, jamming her hat on her head and thanking his mother for the tea. Ma stood up as well, and began fussing over Naoto, inviting her back any time, saying how much of a delight it was to finally meet the Detective Prince, after she had heard  _ so much _ form Kanji. Naoto bowed as she left; Kanji almost tripped over her in his haste to usher her from his house and onto the street.

“Uh, Naoto... I’m sorry, I had no idea you were gonna come here-” he started, trying to gauge her reaction.

“No, no I- I...Please let me explain; I had other errands to run in town this morning, and I ran into your mother outside the shop. She greeted me, and invited me inside; she was terribly persistent and insisted that it was okay. I had no idea you weren’t ready. I-I am terribly sorry if I caused you any alarm.”

Kanji silently cursed. His mother probably thought she was doing him a favour. Stupid old bat; she was way worse than Rise. And now she’d made him look like an ass in front of Naoto. Great start to the day. How on earth could he confess to her now? _ Hey Naoto, I really like you and it was completely unintentional that you saw me in just a towel this morning. By the way did you like what you saw?  _ Fucking hell, she’d fun a fucking  _ mile _ . His jaw clenched at the thought.

He started walking towards the river bank and he heard Naoto jogging to keep up with his long stride. He forced himself to slow down, in spite of the embarrassed rush of adrenaline he felt. After a moment, she broke the silence.

“I had no idea you wore glasses. I mean, outside of the TV world.”

“Yeah, don’t laugh,” Kanji said, feeling self conscious. “I don’t wear them much. Just at home.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Naoto looking at him with a thoughtful expression. 

“What?” 

“They suited you.”

“Sh-shut up!”

Silence fell over them as they walked. Kanji took a deep breath.  _ Come on, get it together, get back to studying. You have done that before. You got this _ . “So, uh, where do you wanna go? The others will be at Junes - Yosuke was trying to get everyone together.”

“Then it may be prudent for us to avoid Junes,” Naoto said quickly. Kanji smirked, feeling his annoyance slip away as the thought of an entire day with Naoto stretched out in front of him.

“Yeah, you’re right.” 

They ended up by the river bank of the floodplain. They set up camp in a little grassy area by the river bed. Kanji laid out his jacket to sit on and the two of them poured over an English textbook.The morning was delightfully sunny, and the trees had all but finished their transformation into a rich golden colour. A few people wandered up and down the single path; a family rode by on bicycles, someone was walking their dog. A little further on, an old man was fishing in the blue-grey waters of the shallow river. 

Kanji tried hard to concentrate; his brain screaming at him to stop daydreaming and gazing at Naoto and  _ study _ … but his heart wasn't in it. The morning’s incident, coupled with his indecision of whether to actually tell Naoto how he felt, was keeping him distracted. Plus, she was sat right there next to him. She was so close, he could practically touch her. And it wouldn’t take much, it would be so easy to reach out and have his hand on hers…

Naoto seemed oblivious, completely focussed on their work, trying her best to explain in simple terms the intricacies of English grammar. 

“No, you see here, it would be “I _ have gone _ to school,” not “I  _ did went _ to school”,” Naoto said, looking over his work with a frown. “This is because “have” is the auxiliary verb that goes before the verb “go”, which in the past participle is “gone.” The past tense of “go” is “went”, which never takes the auxiliary.”

“English don’t make any sense,” Kanji said, rolling his eyes, distracted by watching her mouth as she spoke the foreign language. She made it sound so… cool? 

“No, it’s easy. If you ever use the past  _ participle _ , then you use an auxiliary verb. If you use the past  _ tense _ , you don’t need it. So it would either be, “I have gone to school”, or “I went to school”. Both are correct. You just got them a bit mixed up, that’s all.” 

“Whatever. Can we take a break for a bit? I think I’m starting to lose it here.” He straightened his back from where he was hunched over his notebook, and tried to untense his shoulders. 

“Hm, okay, if you would like to. You  _ have  _ been preoccupied all morning, a short break might actually be beneficial for your memory and concentration,” Naoto said, neatly bookmarking the page and closing the textbook.    

“You noticed, huh. Yeah, just got a lot on my mind,” he said, not elaborating.  _ Come on, ace detective, see if you can work it out. I’ve been freakin’ unsubtle about looking at you all morning. You gotta have noticed... _

“O-okay?” Naoto said, giving him an odd look before shrugging and turning away from him. He looked over to her as she gazed over the river; her profile was haloed by the bright autumn sun. This was it. This was the moment for it. They were alone, nothing would interrupt them, and he could finally get everything off his chest. He took a breath, and Naoto turned to look at him, her expression expectant. Her deep blue eyes were piercing into his, and he had vivid flashbacks of when they were on Port Island. Her eyes could be so  _ intense _ . He could see every detail of her face, from the way her brow furrowed, her small mouth in a stern line. He saw clear as day why he fell for her all those months ago. 

“Uh, Naoto-” he started, his mouth suddenly dry.

“Yes, Kanji-kun?” 

“You know, I’m, uh, really glad you came here.”

“It is useful for both of us to study for the upcoming exams, and it isn’t entirely altruistic on my part; I benefit immensely from tutoring.”

“No, no, not right now, though, no, I- I  _ am  _ grateful. U-uh, I mean, here, to Inaba.” 

“Oh. Well, my presence was formally requested by the superiors in the police force; I have very little involvement in the decisions regarding which cases I investigate. My expertise and skills of deduction are often only sought once other avenues have proven unsuccessful,” she said, her voice more than a little proud.

“Well, uh, still, it’s pretty great you’re here… and I’m happy, alright?” 

She was looking at him with a quizzical look, her eyes narrowed in confusion. He had no idea what to say and by the looks of it, neither did she. Why was this so difficult?  _ Just tell her you like her, dumbass. It ain’t hard.  _ No, he couldn’t do it. His tongue just wouldn’t form the words. 

Shit. 

“Uh, nevermind. Forget about it.” 

* * *

 

21st October 2011

After school Kanji caught the bus from the shopping district and headed towards the cemetery. It  was in a small plot of land surrounded by trees a short ride away from town, an oasis neatly tucked away between the vast expanses of farmland and rice paddies which surrounded Inaba. 

He’d planned to go yesterday, after the last exams were done with, but the wet weather and a persistent bad mood had put him off; he’d instead spent the evening at home reattempting sewing that damned bunny doll. In the end, it had turned out surprisingly well; he’d put it in pride of place on his bed. It helped him forget how much he screwed up talking to Naoto for a little while, at least. 

He stepped off the bus and took a deep sigh. He  _ hated  _ coming here; he hadn’t been in years and even that had been reluctantly at his Ma’s request. He’d called in at the florist's after school and picked up a small bouquet of autumnal flowers; now he held the stems in almost a death grip as he strode towards the cemetery. 

The dull rumbling sound of the road faded away as he walked with purpose along the cracked stone path. Stone lanterns, unlit for now, lined the path and large deciduous trees grew overhead, blocking out the afternoon sun with the remainder of their as-of-yet unfallen leaves and making the world take on a warm red-orange-brown hue. The previous day’s rain had all but evaporated except in the shadiest of areas, the smell of petrichor giving way to composting fallen autumn leaves. 

The leaf-covered path gave way to a neatly ordered plot of land, every inch covered in gravestones. They were set in rows, uniform in height and differing only slightly in design. He spotted a little old lady tending to a grave at the far end, her clothes kept neat by a red apron, bowing deeply as she laid flowers on the grey headstone. An old man and his dog slowly ambled between the stones.

Ignoring them, Kanji gripped the small bunch of flowers as he made his way towards the Tatsumi headstone. It was an old stone, a deep grey colour, the names of his father, grandparents and great grandparents engraved on the side and filled with a rich black ink. The top most part of the stone had long since broken; an earthquake had seen to that, but the rest of the stone stood tall. 

His mother had been recently; half-burned incense stood upright in a little pot of sand, though it was no longer lit. He spent a bit of time fussing over the grave, arranging the flowers in some water, making sure they looked as beautiful as he could make them. He replaced the incense and fished in his jacket for an old, battered lighter. He didn’t smoke, but it helped with the image, and was periodically useful. A thin ribbon of incense smoke drifted upwards. Satisfied, he sat crossed-legged on the stone covered ground. Kanji sat there in silence for a while, staring at nothing. He had no idea what he should say. 

“Uh…Hi Dad... man I always feel dumb talking like this….” he mumbled to himself, looking around to make sure no one could hear him. Nobody seemed to be nearby. He shook his head, composing himself. 

“Hey, it’s me. I look a bit different now, huh. I know you wouldn’t like it but…” he ran a hand through his recently bleached hair, his fingers brushing over his earrings. “I’ve… uh… I’ve been doing good. Been goin’ to school, just done my midterm exams. Ma’s fine. She’s still running the shop, just like before. The Amagi’s buy a lot from us, and business doin’ okay. I know you and Ma wanted me to take over one day, so I figure I’d better start now, helpin’ out and stuff.”  He paused. “Though I don’t do much out front. I’d probably scare away any customers if I did.” He let out a dry chuckle. 

“I… uh… sorry I ain’t been to see you. It’s been tough, you know? After you died I just didn’t feel…” he took a deep breath. “I didn’t feel like I could face you, okay? Didn’t think you’d approve of who I was. Who I am.” He paused, thinking, and forced himself to carry on.

“Something you said, before you died, it really bothered me. “If you’re a man, you have to become strong”... It made me so… mad. Like you didn’t think I was good enough. And I carried that for so long. I thought,  _ fuck you, _ for making me feel like that, for making me feel like...” He felt his jaw clench, and a familiar lump form in his throat. He coughed to force it down. 

“Everything I did, all these years all I could hear was your words, runnin’ round my head. Men are strong. Men don’t back down. Men ain’t afraid. Men are proud... I dyed my hair, changed my clothes and all I could think was how disappointed you were with me. I got in so many fights; if anyone upset Ma, I just went for ‘em, show them that no one messes with Tatsumi, you know? I have tons of scars to show for it.” He frowned at the memories. “I tried to look after Ma, to be strong for her, and I...it was never enough. I hated you for so long. It’s why I never came here.

“And you know what, Dad? Things are different now. And I realise I wasn’t mad at you… I was mad at myself. Like, I always knew who I was, but I had been trying to run from it. I  _ like  _ cute shit, I  _ like  _ sewing and knitting, but that don’t make me any less manly. I thought I might prefer guys but that don’t make me a pansy or nothin’. 

“And I was wrong about you, about what you meant when you told me that I needed to be strong to be a man. I still don’t think I completely get it, but I’m gonna keep on tryin’ to work it out. And I just got thinking; you taught me how to sew and make stuff, not just Ma. And you were strong. And that’s what I wanna become. I’m Kanji Tatsumi. I’m your son; I’m going to run the textile shop and make you damn proud of me.     

“That’s it, that’s all I wanna say. I’m gonna make you and Ma proud.”

He sighed deeply. Fuck, that was hard to say. His voice had started to crack near the end. He sat for a long time in quiet reflection, listening to the last of the season’s cicadas as they sang loudly from the trees. 

The afternoon slowly shifted into early evening. Kanji stood, shaking the life back into his legs and feet. He bowed to the gave, mumbling a short prayer to the ancestors before striding purposefully away. 

He felt a hell of a lot better. ****


	16. Chapter 16

28th October 2011

Exams were over, results day had been and gone. Kanji had been uncharacteristically nervous about it, an unfamiliar feeling considering he usually didn’t give a rat’s ass about his test scores. It wasn’t anything to do with him or his future; he just didn’t want to let Naoto down, to make it seem like her time spent tutoring him was wasted. To his surprise, he hadn’t failed any of his exams; he’d even scraped a pass in English and Maths. His Ma had been so proud when he’d shown her his report card; she’d made a big fuss about it, going so far as to brag to Mrs Shiroku about his newfound academic success. He didn’t mention it to Naoto; it would have seemed so dumb, being pleased with a pass when she came top of the class.

The culture festival was quickly approaching, and the entire school was abuzz with activity. Lessons had been put on hold to make way for various class activities and preparation for school-wide events. It initially struck him as odd how seriously the students at Yasogami were taking it, especially the second and third years, but by the end of the first day he’d found himself swept up in the preparations as well. When he was in middle school, his class always done something low-key for the culture festival; a few carnival-style games, or a few stalls selling cakes or small toys. By contrast, Yasogami seemed to go all out. Loads of things were in the works: Class 2-1 was planning to turn their classroom into a haunted house; Class 2-2 were planning a “group-date café”; and Ms Kashiwagi was organising a school-wide beauty pageant. 

The latter was already proving to be very popular; the sign up sheet always had a ton of people surrounding it as people tried to see who would be brave enough - or vain enough - to sign up. After a day or two on constantly walking past a throng of giggling people, curiosity finally won out and he checked it out himself, muscling his way through the crowd to see what the fuss was about. As much as he didn’t care much for that sort of thing, he’d been very surprised to see whose names were on the list as participating: Yukiko Amagi, Chie Satonaka, Rise Kujikawa... Kanji paused, and rolled his eyes. Well, ain’t  _ that  _ a big surprise. Funny though, that she never mentioned nothin’ to him when they walked to school this morning. It was the sort of thing he’d usually never hear the end of, Rise driving him mad with crap he didn’t give a damn about. 

His eyes were drawn to the last name on the list. Naoto Shirogane. His eyebrows twitched in surprise. He had no idea Naoto would be into all that pageant stuff. Like, yeah, she was cute, and inexplicably popular… but it just didn’t seem like her.  

Then again, if Naoto was going to perform very much as a girl, maybe it would put to rest one thing which had been on his mind for a while. It didn’t matter or nothin’, but perhaps seeing Naoto properly would let him make up his mind if he liked girls or not. He snorted; it was Naoto. He’d probably still be into her whatever. But... he couldn't deny that he still held the niggling belief that would be more  _ manly  _ for him to like girls. Yosuke would get off his back, too. 

“Hey Kanji-kun,” Yosuke said, his voice really close behind him. Kanji quickly turned away from the sign-up sheet, a slight flush to his cheeks. He hadn’t noticed that the crowd had dispersed and he was standing in front of the list alone. He pre-emptively scowled, ready for whatever snide comment Yosuke had. None came. Yosuke looked defeated, his face downcast and not making eye contact with him.  _ Huh… what’s up with him? _

“Uh, hey Senpai. You okay? You look.. weird.”  

“Chie has summoned everyone to the roof,” Yosuke mumbled, his voice glum and his hands deep in his pockets. 

“Uh, okay? Why? Did somethin’ happen? There ain’t been nothin’ on midnight channel since we rescued Naoto-”

“No, but…. No.  It isn’t about the case. You’d better head up there though, I’m gonna see if I can find Yu first.” Yosuke said, sighing deeply. He had a strange pained expression on his face.  _ Okay, this was odd.  _

Kanji made his way to the roof, confused and a little concerned. His stomach rumbled; he was skipping lunch for this. He ignored it- it was probably important; Chie didn’t usually call these things. Yosuke had said that it wasn’t about the investigation or nothin’, but she might have had the heads up about some new rumours. It may even give them a head start on the killer! But, why was it  _ Chie  _ calling them to the roof? Rise was the font of all gossip around class; if she’d heard anything, she woulda told him, right? 

He arrived at the roof and immediately knew something was wrong. Chie’s face was twisted in fury, her body tense like a coiled spring. Yukiko glared at him, fiery hatred in her eyes overwhelming her usual cool exterior. They both looked ready to kill someone. Naoto was stood slightly away from the group, her back to them as she leant up against the railing, looking out over Inaba’s skyline. The only person who didn’t look ready to commit murder was Rise, who sat on a low wall, idly swinging her legs. She waved to him as he approached. 

Before he could ask her what was up with everyone Yosuke appeared with Yu in tow.  

“Right, that’s everyone,” Yosuke said weakly. Yu looked as confused as Kanji felt. 

“You had better have a  _ damn _ good reason for this!” Chie shouted, her anger unleashed as she rounded on Yosuke. She closed the distance between them in a few long strides and jabbed her finger into his chest. Yosuke flinched away from her, shielding himself with his hands from her onslaught. Kanji raised his eyebrows at the sudden outburst.  _ What the hell was goin’ on? _

“F-for what?” 

“The beauty pageant! You wrote our names down without telling us, didn’t you!?” Kanji slowly turned his head to stare at Yosuke.  _ That was low, man. _

“N-no! It wasn’t me! Why do you always automatically blame me!? I-I mean, if you don’t wanna do it, you just say no, right? Like, it was just a joke…” Yosuke stammered, retreating backwards. 

“We wouldn’t be so pissed if we could do that! With Kashiwagi planning this year’s event, even those entered by other people can’t back out!” Chie yelled, throwing her hands in the air in frustration. 

“Seriously?” Yosuke said, rubbing the back of his head. “Must’ve been some fine print I overlooked…”

“So it  _ was  _ you!” Chie smacked him round the back of the head.

“Ow! Oh crap…”

“Hey Yu… do you want us to take part in the beauty pageant?” Rise asked coyly, a small smile on her lips and her eyes bright. Kanji saw him nod mutely. Yosuke saw it too. 

“See! He agrees! And who wouldn’t… I mean, you guys know how popular Yukiko is here, and on top of that, we have an  _ idol  _ and a Detective Prince! What’s the point of having a beauty pageant if all these incredible heroines aren’t going to take part!?” Yosuke said, trying to sound reasonable. Chie shook her head angrily. 

“So why didn’t you just ask us instead of going behind our backs like that and… hey! So where do I fit in? You didn’t mention me once, asshole!” Chie’s voice was seething. Kanji had never seen her so furious; her cheeks were red with anger and her voices was breaking with sheer frustration. Yukiko looked just as angry; she was silently sat on the bench, staring seething, vicious looks at Yosuke. Kanji was kinda glad he wasn’t on the receiving end of her wrath. 

Kanji glanced over to Naoto. She was stood stock still, her back straight, facing away. She hadn’t said anything.

“Hey! Kanji! You want them to be in it too, don’tcha??” Yosuke said quickly, his voice pleading as he tried to defend himself from the combined fury of Chie and Yukiko. 

“Huh…? I ain’t interested in that stuff,” he said, quickly, though he knew it was a half truth at best. He didn’t care for pageants in general, and he definitely didn’t want Chie’s anger directed at him... but Naoto was gonna be in it so he was kinda curious about this one. 

“You must be the only guy in school who doesn’t want to see  _ me  _ show off, Kanji-kun,” Rise said, winking at him. He shook his head quickly.

“Knock it off, Rise, it ain’t like that!”

“Well, so long as people are looking forward to seeing me, I might as well put on a show for them. Of course, there is no need to involve my agency in this,” Rise mused, twirling her hair. Kanji briefly thought back to her dungeon; her Shadow really was a part of her, huh. 

“Naoto-kun!” Yosuke shouted, his voice desperate. Naoto snapped her head around, suddenly paying attention. Her face was blank, expressionless. Kanji couldn’t tell if she was apathetic or angry. “ _ Kanji-kun _ says that he really wants you to be in it.”  

“Wha..! I-I didn’ say  _ nothin’ _ -” Why was he bringing him into it? He felt his body automatically tense up. 

“Well, maybe not, but _ I  _ know you’d love to-” Kanji didn’t let him finish, a sudden jolt going down his spine of how Yosuke was going to finish that sentence.  

“You little prick, I’m gonna beat the shit outta ya!” Kanji shouted, lunging forward with his fists balled. Yosuke almost tripped in his haste to get away. 

_ Jerk _ . 

“Woah, you’re hot-blooded today!” Yosuke said, narrowly avoiding stumbling as he ducked out of the way of Kanji’s fist. Kanji snarled at him, his shoulders square. 

“We’re in an awkward position,” Naoto interrupted, her voice calm and cool as she turned around, looking between him and Yosuke. “If we can’t refuse,  I suppose there’s no sense in arguing the point.” She shrugged, tipping her hat down to hide her face. “And judging by Kanji-kun’s behaviour it  _ does  _ seem ill-fitting for someone like me to get up on stage. I wonder if there is any way I could take it up with the school authorities.”

“I...I don’t… I didn’t mean it like that, Naoto-kun. I-I mean, if you  _ wanna _ , j-just do it...” 

Rise began to giggle, hiding her mouth behind her manicured hand. 

“Silly Kanji, just tell her you wanna see her on stage!” she said with a singsong voice, flicking her curls. Kanji shot her a death-glare. She grinned at him, showing her perfectly white teeth. His scowl deepened. Why did this hafta be about  _ him  _ all of a sudden? 

“Wh-what are you saying!? Why would  _ he  _ want to see me on stage…?” Naoto asked Rise, her brow furrowing. Rise didn’t elaborate; she just maintained her infuriatingly perfect smile. Kanji sighed.  

“Tch, you know what, I’m outta here. You guys can be a real jerks, you know that?” Kanji shot a final glare at Rise before turning on his heel and storming from the roof, slamming the door as he went. He caught some sort of non-verbal communication going on between the others as he left, but he didn’t care nor stop to try and analyse the various glances and gestures. 

With every forceful step he felt more and more angry. Fucking…  _ idiots _ . Yosuke and Rise had seriously messed that up for him. Naoto had to have  _ some  _ sort of inkling by now; the others had been so  _ fucking  _ unsubtle. First with Chie outright saying that he and Naoto should date, and now Yosuke and Rise making him say that he wanted to see Naoto in some  _ stupid  _ pageant show-   

“Kanji-kun, wait,” Naoto was following him. She caught up with him in the third floor corridor, having to resort to jogging to match his stride. 

“What?” he snapped, his eyes wide as he spun to face her. 

“What did you mean?” she asked, folding her arms in front of her. She was defensive. He sighed, and forced himself to calm down, to relax his shoulders.

“Nothin’. The others are being jerks. Just ignore them, Naoto,” he said, deliberately lowering his voice, trying to hide the sheer frustration he felt at his friends right now. 

She shook her head. 

“No, no there is something more to your friends’ behaviour than just trivial teasing for their own amusement, though I suspect that plays some part in what they are doing. No, if it were just childish ridicule you wouldn't react as strongly as you do. Your behaviour is uncharacteristic compared to what I encounter when we are alone, and yet it is something I have observed multiple times when we are in the company of the others.”

“It ain’t-” Kanji started, but stopped as Naoto held up her hand, silencing him. 

“I have enquired to the others as to why that may be, why you shift so readily from...from friendliness to exasperated displeasure in my presence, but they just informed me that if I must know then I need to ask you directly. So, I ask you again, what are you hiding Kanji-kun?” she asked, her voice low as she took a step closer to him, looking up from under her hat. 

“It’s nothin’-”

Oh god, those  _ eyes _ . He faltered.

“It is something to do with me, that much is clear.” She persisted, her eyes flashing. She looked… upset. “Do you have an issue with me? Are you uneasy about my presence because of my involvement with the police?” 

“No! No, Naoto, it ain’t like that!” People were staring. He could hear people whispering as they passed. 

“Then what?  

“You know what, fine.” Kanji shook his head, knowing he’d regret it. “Naoto… I know this is dumb but, please be in the pageant? If you do, uh, my doubts will maybe be finally cleared…” his voice trailed off. He couldn’t meet her eye. 

“Doubts… what on earth are you talking about?” she asked, putting on hand on her hip. She seemed to be thrown, as if this was not the track she expected him to get on to. Kanji tried to ignore their impromptu audience. 

“L-look, just do it, dammit! I mean, you’re an ace detective ain’t ya?” he said with urgency, mustering the courage to look her in the eye. She looked confused, her head tilted to one side, appearing almost birdlike. 

“Wha- what does that have anything to do with a beauty pageant? What does that have to do with anything I asked?”

“Ugh, never mind. It ain’t important.” The bell chimed, signalling the end of lunch. “I gotta get to class.” 

* * *

 

30th October 2011

“So, what did you think?” Rise asked, her eyes shining as she looked at him over the brim of her cup. She was still wearing her bright orange dress from the beauty pageant, her long hair falling in loose curls.   

“Huh? About what?” Kanji said, pausing shovelling food into his mouth for a moment to look at her out of the corner of his eye. She was grinning at him.  

“The culture festival, duh! Wasn’t it  _ fun _ ?” She giggled, placing her drink down on the lacquered counter of Aiya. The restaurant was quiet; the usual patrons had long since left, and they were the last two remaining. Various small plates were stacked up in front of them, the food largely demolished. Kanji had been hungry. 

“It was lame,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes. “I ain’t ever taking part ever again. Even if they expel me, nothin’ was worth  _ that _ .” 

“Oh come on Kanji, don’t be like that. It wasn’t  _ all  _ bad!” She nudged him with her shoulder. “I can’t believe you actually went through with getting up on stage, though.”

“I didn’t have a fucking choice!” He sighed. “Man, I’m never gonna live it down…” he muttered under his breath. 

“You have it admit, it was pretty funny,” Rise said, biting her lip. Kanji frowned; everyone fucking  _ laughed  _ at him...

“No, it was freakin’ embarrassing! You know how much bullshit I gotta put up with now because of that stupid “Miss” Yasogami thing?”

“Oh it won’t be that bad. And Yu-senpai and Yosuke-senpai were up there too.” She leant forward, tilting her head down and looking up at him with mischievous eyes. “And, saying this as someone who has performed for years… Yosuke was  _ way  _ worse than you on stage. Like, you made people laugh, but  _ he  _ looked such a mess. Honestly, I thought he’d be prettier than that, all made up.” She shook her head in mock disappointment. “Just goes to show, you either have it, or you don’t, Kanji-kun.”  

“I still don’t get why I had’ta do it. It was all Yosuke’s fault in the first place,” he grumbled. It made him feel slightly better that Yosuke had been terrible; at least Kanji’s outfit had been tailored to fit him, and he had tried to give it his all once he was up there. He was still pissed off about it though. 

“Well, Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai were pretty mad, I guess,” she laughed, “and I think they thought you were involved ‘cause of how eager you were to see Naoto-kun enter.”

He grunted and turned back to his meal, stabbing at his beef. His conversation with Naoto had been weighing heavy on his mind. How did he manage to fuck up talkin’ to her so badly? He’d almost  _ confessed _ . And now she was probably mad at him, goin’ back to how she was after the entire Port Island thing.  

“And don’t forget,  _ we  _ all got up on stage too!” Rise continued, trying to catch his eye, breaking him out of his thoughts. He sighed, rolling his eyes. 

“Yeah but you’re used to it. You’re… you. An idol,” he pointed out.

“Nuh-uh, not anymore! I’m just a normal girl.”

“You were  _ way  _ too eager to show off. I thought you didn’t want to do any of that stuff any more?” Kanji asked, taking another bite of his dinner. 

“Well, I don’t as a career. Though, I gotta admit, I haven’t had that much fun in ages. I mean, I know I lost the pageant and everything, but it was a lot of fun to be Risette again.” Rise picked up her drink and took a sip. “Hey, I bet you were disappointed Naoto-kun didn’t take part in the swimsuit contest!” 

Kanji faltered for a moment. It  _ had  _ crossed his mind once Teddie had announced it, but…

“S-shut up!” 

“You should have seen what she was wearing for it; it was seriously adorable.” 

“Quit it, Rise!”

“Aww, you’re  _ blushing _ . Okay… if you’re sure. I mean I  _ was  _ gonna describe to you exactly what she looked like in a bikini but….”

He choked on his drink, the soda managing to go up his nose. Rise burst out laughing and ruffled his hair. He snapped his head away from her, scowling and blushing all at once as he mopped the spill with a napkin. 

“Aww, you can be so cute, Kanji!”

“I-I ain’t cute!” 

“Sure you are. Whenever Naoto-kun is involved you completely lose the whole tough guy thing and go all puppy-eyed. You’re so totally into her!”

“Rise! I ain’t… I don’t!” he said, as he unconsciously fixed his hair, sweeping it back into place. 

“Okay, okay, whatever. Seriously though, I can’t believe she  _ won _ . I thought Yukiko-senpai was my biggest threat here, but I guess I was wrong.” Her smile faltered; she looked pensive for a moment, idly picking at her noodles with her chopsticks. Kanji frowned at the sudden shift in mood. 

“Huh, well, I guess you’re different people.”

“What do you mean?” Rise asked, looking up and meeting his eye. She had an odd expression on her face. Kanji thought for a moment, suddenly out of his depth. 

“Naoto… well, she’s kinda... mysterious and strong… there gotta be loadsa people who like that,” he said, not sure if he’d said the right thing. After a moment, to his relief, Rise’s eyes softened and she nodded.  

“Yeah, especially  _ girls _ . I guess I had to share the boy vote, but she had the girl vote all to herself. And yours, of course.” She half-heartedly smiled at him. 

Naoto  _ was  _ popular with the girls, despite showing no interest and having no inclination to hang out with them. Kanji once saw her after school clearing her locker out of all the love letters she’d received. He’d felt jealous, until she’d confided in him she was just taking them home to feed to the shredder. That surprised him; it was freakin’ cold, man. She seemed genuinely annoyed that people would even think to send her notes. 

“So, seeing her on stage, did you like what you saw?” Rise asked, her moment of reflection over as she rested her head in her hands, watching him carefully. 

“W-what?” 

“Seeing her all pretty like that?”

“That ain’t it!” 

“Well, then, if you weren't just wanting to check her out, why were you so keen to see her up there? You practically begged her to, after all.” 

Rise was way too perceptive for her own good. He thought a moment to try and deflect the question, or just tell her to quit it, but he’d been asking himself the same thing. Plus, she’d see right through it. 

“It… I… uh… I just wanted t’ see if I... felt the same,” he mumbled, looking away.  

“Oh? And you still do, right?”

He grunted, turning away from her. He could feel her eyes piercing into his. Moments passed; he felt uncomfortable. He did feel the same; it didn’t matter if Naoto was a guy or a girl. Seeing her on stage, her voice uncharacteristically shy and gentle… 

“So, you gonna tell her now, or what?”

“Nah….” he shook his head. He mentally kicked himself for probably making her mad at him. It wasn’t even his fault! She asked tough questions. 

“Why not? She’s totally gonna notice eventually. I mean, you aren’t exactly  _ subtle. _ ”

“Well, she can work it out, then.” he said irritably. “Don’t need me tellin’ her and ruinin’ things.”

“Kanji-kun-” 

“Look, Rise, I… I just can’t. I’ve been through hell about this. I’ve had to admit it to myself that… that I… you know. And now I’ve just told you that I still feel that way about her.”

“But, maybe if you tell her-”

“And then what? She already thinks I hate her for bein’ on the investigation team. She’ll just think I’m makin’ fun of her.” 

Rise sat back in her chair, looking unconvinced but unwilling to push the issue further. Kanji half turned his back to her, stabbing at his food. He heard her sigh and he looked at her from the corner of his eye.  She was smiling. 

“What?” 

“I think this is the first time you have actually admitted to having a crush on her. Like, you said it in a roundabout way, but you totally did.”

“So?” 

“I’m kinda proud of you. It’s a big thing.”

“Sh-shut up!” 

“I still think you should tell her. You’ll feel better. Stop looking at me like that, I know you don’t want to, but I think you should. Hey, I could talk to her first if you like, you know, between us girls-”

“No, Rise!” he was blushing again, he could feel it. He scowled out of habit. Rise shrugged, still smiling. 

“Well, if you change your mind, let me know.” 


End file.
